((((((((((((lane)))))))))))))))))))

My God.... in my opinion, that is the worst abuse a person can endure;the emotional contradiction.

is a sick mind game.. one times he is in a rage,then he sits down and explaining why not do it again and give ice for the pain he has inflicted.. **sighs*** .... I know a thing or two about contradicting feelings, and displaced guilt.. and i feel is worst than any torture one can endure..

i`m just very glad that u have somehow been able to raise above this situation and u are trying to move forward with ur father as a part of your adult life. i honestly admire you. im not very forgiving.. my heart wasn't able to endure the pain..

thank god you turned out a sweet heart from all those bad experiences, that only shows how strong of a person u truly are.

(((((((((((((((((((lane))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )))

Thanks strawberry, Your the best. (((((((((((strawberry)))))))))))))
It's probably the reason why I don't want to have kids though. I'd be afraid of fucking up their lives. I'm one of those double standard people. What's okay for others is not okay for me. I deserved to have the shit kicked out of me but if I ever hear of a parent doing that I think they should go to jail. Weird huh?

I am so sorry that happened to you. What an awful time you must have had.

That's the thing. For me it wasn't awful at all. Weird I know but I knew that he loved me. Maybe it did screw me up. I don't know. I feel like I'm a better person for it though. Like I can handle any pain. I don't know. I'm still kinda confused. It's definitely NOT something I would want to confront him with though.

How is he with you now? Does he ever mention what he did?

Oh God Of coarse we don't talk about it. Now we have a great relationship. We talk to each other on the phone all the time and I see him at least once a week. He's always been there for me. It's just confusing for me. I still feel like I deserve for someone to just beat the shit out of me. I've even tried goading people into it. Also when I hear of a kid really acting out I think "why doesn't the parents just knock some sense into them?". I don't even know if that right.

I have had a few smack off parents when a kid but nothing like that. I think sometimes a child does deserve a smack but there is a limit. So, you get on OK now then. He may feel incredibly guilty and would like to mention but dare not.