I think Im in an emotionally abusive relationship. I don't know what to do or what to believe anymore. My friends and family say Im being manipulated and its abusive. We broke up 6 months ago because she was lashing out with her emotions in really damaging and hurtful ways. I thought we had worked through it and a week and half ago she just switched again. im so confused because I thought we had worked through it and have been really good for months, also I am going through family hell and trauma at the moment so its such a cruel time for her to turn on me coz she knows Im on the verge of a break down. I feel crazy for the things she is accusing me of because its like we have two complete different versions of reality and then sometimes I wonder if it is me, my friends say thats a sign of abuse. I don't know whether to stay or walk away, Ive tried so hard in this relationship. Ive been in bed for a week because she keeps attacking me and I can't cope. She said she would try councilling with me but I just dont know if its worth the fight anymore. Just need somewhere to vent my thoughts because I am not coping with life. I don't know if I can cope with a broken heart because I have just lost my brother as well. :( :(

Hi tobias

I want to express my condolences for the loss of your brother . I'm so sorry. This is certainly not a time for anyone to be treating you so poorly.... not that there is a good time. But especially now is when others, no matter who they are, should certainly be showing sensitivity and caring.

As for your girlfriend, I agree with the first sentence of your post. I also think that if your friends and family (more than a person or 2) are thinking it too... that seems to add weight to the validity of it. It does sound very confusing for you, because she seems okay and then 'switches again'. This switching reminds me of people I've known. There are some people who place themselves first, no matter what. Some see things, situations, and people, as "all good" or "all bad", and there is no middle ground. Not sure, but the way you described her made me think of this.

This is definitely a particularly cruel time for her to turn on you. It makes no sense. I think it must be very difficult to be with someone who consistently confuses you, and has a different reality than you. You said you feel crazy because her reality is different, which is also called 'gaslighting'. It's abusive. You've been in bed for a week ... I think that says a whole lot right there. You deserve a relationship where you are respected and loved and cared for. This doesn't sound like it is, I'm sorry to say. I know you've invested a lot here, and that just goes to show what a loyal person you are.

Please take care of yourself... you deserve it

Thank you so much for your reply. It is confusing, as she has been a great support to me this year, and I know its taken its toll on her my mental health. But I never attack her with my emotions, I feel as though she has been triggered and she is lashing out. She is coming around to admitting we have some communication problems and I told her I think its emotional abuse. She agreed to see a councillor with me. Its just I've lost so much trust and am so hurt Im not sure whether to end things or give it another go. She says things that still make me feel like she doesn't see how I am not responsible for her reactions. Like sure if I hurt her, she should be able to raise that with me, but not emotionally attack everything about me and then say she is justified because of XYZ. I just don't want that kind of relationship and I thought we had moved through this stuff. Feel like Im in a break up and we haven't even broken up yet. I don't know if thats my heart telling me to let go now. :( My depression and anxiety is really debilitating atm.