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Did he abuse me?

This is a discussion on Did he abuse me? within the Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I know he isnt he best father, all I want from him is for... him to love me like he ...

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Old 10-20-06, 02:01 AM   #11
 
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I know he isnt he best father, all I want from him is for... him to love me like he did before. Maybe he does maybe I'm being to hard on him. He's always ran from his problems thats why he uses drugs. I want to tell him but... you're right I'm afraid of the way he'll react. My mom says I should just tell him but I dont want to hurt him. I've tried a little at a time and he says he doesnt remember... he's not a bad person. Its all so confusing....
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Old 10-20-06, 12:49 PM   #12
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He may not remember b/c he was high. But his behaviour can't be excused b/c of that. I know you don't want to hurt him, but what about your feelings. There are consequences for drug abuse and for the behaviour that goes with it. He's an adult any you were a child. IT's not about punishing him, it's about you feeling better.
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Old 10-20-06, 04:21 PM   #13
 
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I agree, he probably doesn't even remember. And there's a good chance that he heard the same words from his father or mother. It's the repeated cycle thing. I guess he did verbally abuse you, but it wasn't really him speaking, just the drugs. Maybe you can accept that it was during his "crazy years" and that now he wishes he would have been different.

Try to form a new relationship with him based on the here and now. Don't let his words influence how you see yourself since he didn't mean them anyway.

I'm sure when he looks back, he wishes he would have been different in so many ways. Forgive and form the new image of him.
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Old 10-20-06, 08:07 PM   #14
 
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thank you irishred and tiggrr. I will try to think of it more as just the drugs talking I‘ll forgive him I think I always did but I‘ll really try not to let those things he said affect the way I think of him. I want to have a good relationship with him. His parents were in the army and they were alcoholics when they got out. His mother is still alive and she still drinks a six pack a day she’s about... 75ish. He never really talked about them a lot. If he was abused by them... I’ll make sure when I have kids that I try my best never to make them feel like I did.
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Old 10-20-06, 08:11 PM   #15
 
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Good for you. You are thinking clearly about this now and seeing the connections. The hurt that you suffered has to be put in the "past" place so that you can have peace with it. He obviously was raised in a bad situation, so he didn't learn the right way to be a dad/husband/parent. Try just focusing on the here and now, and the future, and make it a good one with him.

And yes, now that you understand the history, you'll make extra sure that you don't abuse your kids. Way to go.
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Old 10-20-06, 08:59 PM   #16
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I am really sorry i was not able to post sooner, stupid laptop... anyways... I am glad you got some help from irish and tigger. Sorry I couldn't post... I have read em all though and it was the drugs.... It was abuse... he choose to take those drugs but.. it was the drugs really doing it... I am really sorry about what happened to you and that i wasnt here to reply sooner... Ya helped me so much that one night... thanks... You are great.. keep tellin yourself that because you are... after a while it will help your self estem a little... trust me it has helped me... just a little...
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Old 10-20-06, 09:06 PM   #17
 
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well said, z!!

he's right, disposable angel. just keep talking
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Old 10-20-06, 09:11 PM   #18
 
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Thank you for your kind words Zetsumei. I try to tell myself I shouldnt be shy or whatever I am. Its hard I've always been that way. I see it was the drugs those evil evil things.... I'm going to try to focus on the future making a relationship with him. I'm happy I could help you, it sounds like you're doing a little better. :)
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Old 10-20-06, 09:20 PM   #19
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I am doing good... thanks... :) Yeah... keep telling yourself that and remember... you didnt deserve that... he did choose to do that to you in a way... but then again he didn't. He choose those drugs over you... I am truly sorry that he did but he did... maybe he is past that now... it will just take time to mend that relationship... I am praying for you....
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Old 10-20-06, 09:21 PM   #20
 
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Good for you Disposable Angel. That's the spirit - work on the future and let the past be the past.
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