I hate my family (Warning: you wont like it)

Resolute · 07-08-2010, 11:55 AM

I hate my family, I hate my kids,(except one) I hate my parents, my gran, my uncle...the lot of them..they are all fucking bastards

My two eldest kids dont speak to me now so fuck them..my eldest girl she sent me an email last night, first word since I saw her briefly in september and she tells me shes pregnant again and no one else knows...this is supposed to be because last time, in fact everytime, she has news my mother or some bugger else hears it first..I found out she got married via my granmother, I found out her first pregnancy by my mother...the bitch never ever thinks that it hurts me!!! it fucking hurts!! and I'm sick of it..I'm sick of trying to make it work when you just dont get it!!!!
When my first granchild was born someone announced it on facebook, thats how I knew via facebook, she lives in Canada btw..so I waited and I waited and I waited for her husband to call to let me know the details, let me know kate was alright..and no one called. I was devasted. The next day my mother phoned me and asked me if I knew and she had all the details chris had phoned her...I cant tell you how bad that made me feel......we had problems before, but they minor compared to this...My son got married in august and his sister and my grandson came over from canada and I saw them a couple of times, and I thought we sorted it..but it was clear that I was at fault, she thinks everything is my fault..I ranted at one of her best friends on her facebook page about the info that she had had the baby..seems I was wrong to do that but I didnt start it..but her husband deleted the argument before kate saw it..so she doesnt believe me..she visited that friend while she was here...she believes her friend not her own mother, she hates me, she thinks I'm ridiculous, she speaks to me like I'm 5 years of age for chrissakes!!..maybe shes right but I cant handle it anymore.
My son, my son never invited me to the wedding because of something I said to his then girlfriend...the one he then married, 3 years previously!!! I cant fucking win..so devasted again and can I forgive him..no, not anymore, I've carried the guilt of what I did by leaving them in 1998 for so fucking long..I'm all guilted out! He was looking for an excuse not to have me there, I saw all the photos, my youngest daughter who still lives with me was bridesmaid, my gran and my uncle dropped off after the wedding and then proceeded to give me an account of the whole thing I had to fight back the tears..sometimes I wonder what the hell I did...I havent done anything bad, honest to god I havent..they hate me because I left their dad in 1998 and then went to the states in 2001 leaving them all behind, I was supposed to go for 6 months max but I got into a bad situation and dint return, couldnt return until july 2003!!! by then my ex husband had emigrated to Canada taking my two girls with him....nothing absolutely nothing has been right since..I fucked up I know I did!!!!! big time..I'm so sorry I did that but I cant live your treatment of me anymore..I hate you, I hate you all.I hate my dad for molesting me and my two girls and my mother for staying with him even though she knows hes a peadophile bastard but no one else knows..hes got away with it. and I'm the one freaking out, I'm the one that wants to fucking die because I cant handle all this crap anymore.... I cant stand it!! my life is hell and all I did was make a mistake one mistake I should never of left my kids, but I cant change it..and the price I'm being made to pay is to high..is it any wonder I want to die!!??? I'm only here now because of my youngest daughter who is 17 and living with me now, and my need to protect her from my father and any other fuck up who might come along, that need is stronger than my death wish. I need my father to die, I need him to pay...hes 70 now please god kill the bastard...hes lived too long already

And I want my kids to stay away from me..its better that way, less pain for them and me, coz whatever I do is wrong in their eyes, and they hurt me everytime they speak to me.
I'm 47 and my life is fucked, its one huge horrible seething cesspit of crap, no wonder i'm on 3 meds and a fucking nutcase.

sodomyrox · 07-10-2010, 02:43 PM

u might not like me saying this....however if i get the story right u did not protect ur kids from ur father molesting them right? i.e. keep that man away from them from the moment they were born or bring in the police

maybe ur daughters feel betrayed by that and as a consequence don't trust u much now.

they probably don't know or understand fully why u went to the states and didn't return when u said u were gonna. those feelings of abandonment don't go away for ur kids because U want that. sounds like they feel let down by ur choices and if u want to have a better relationship with them u will have to make better decisions in regards to them.

i believe that it is possible to fix ur relationships and make urself happier with the right kind of support. don't be afraid to ask for the aid of friends and some counseling.

i hope my reply helps u. good luck

TheEnd · 07-10-2010, 04:08 PM

I can completely relate to your kids and I can see exactly where they're coming from. The relationship with your kids may never heal, but they're still in your life and even though they may not be in touch all the time you should be grateful that they make even the slightest bit of effort after what they've gone through in their lives. Just be patient and see where it goes from here.

I removed my parents from my life altogether... so at least they're in your life, even if it's only partially.

Resolute · 07-10-2010, 04:33 PM

you dont know what youre talking about. I'm the abused one, not them. I had no idea my father would molest my girls..what he did to me was a one off situation. my brother had a breakdown in 2000 and when I was talking on the phone to him about our childhood, my 15 year old daughter is behind me and she's crying, I ask her whats wrong and she says grandad did that to me too when she was about 7!... I wanted to kill the bastard right then and there but I couldnt get to him, lucky him eh?
roll the clock forward to september 2009, I was discussing my problem with my father, about his abuse of me, and her sister, with my 17 year old daughter and she says, Grandad did that to me too.....she thinks when she was about 6-7!
On all three occasions he molested us when we between the ages of 7 and 10.
My brother was fully sexually abused by him.
I found out after the facts..how could I protect them when it had already happened?? afater my eldest daughter, we took steps to make sure my youngest was never with him alone, however he had already molested her by then...he gets drunk..hes an alocholic.
You cant relate to my kids you do not know them, you do not know me...I hate my life. I hate the mistakes I made I especially hate being born, of having children because yes I am not FIT TO BE A FUCKING MOTHER DONT YOU PEOPLE THINK i KNOW THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Resolute · 07-10-2010, 04:36 PM

YOUR RIGHT i ABANDONED THEM...YES i KNOW!!