feeling dismissed
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feeling dismissed

This is a discussion on feeling dismissed within the Therapy forums, part of the Treatment category; i miss my therapist. i feel like a large portion of my support system is gone. i went to the ...

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Old 04-04-11, 07:31 PM   #1
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i miss my therapist. i feel like a large portion of my support system is gone.
i went to the new one, but i'm not really feeling good about it.
told her i'm not really sure about my marriage, she was telling me how to improve it, to not expect so much.. . i feel bad. i know she has notes from the previous therapist, but this was only my 2nd session with her, and i really don't know if she was understanding me. i know she was trying to help, but i didn't feel like she was slowing down to hear me. my husband has really let me down greatly a few times and was against my going to therapy or taking meds for a long time. i suffered for 7 years with depression and he was only supportive of my going to therapy after i had been going for several months and got a lot better. that's a long time to suffer. i feel i've been through a lot, and it felt like she was just brushing it off, like it was a lot of it was because i shouldn't expect too much. i felt like my husband's wrongdoing was just dismissed, and i was supposed to be the one to make the marriage work, even though i wasn't even sure i wanted it to work anymore, anyway. he isn't sorry for letting me suffer through the things he let me suffer through. he had the ability to help me but didn't. he doesn't think he's done anything wrong, doesn't acknowledge it, so how can i forgive someone who "didn't do anything wrong"? he doesn't even see it. i feel dismissed.
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Old 04-04-11, 07:43 PM   #2
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:( I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your new therapist. Unfortunately therapists are humans and often bring their own biases to the conversation. It sounds like your therapist has some different views than you do about relationships. They also have different styles of communication, which might not be compatible. You absolutely have the right to ask for a different one, which can be an empowering experience in and of itself.

As far as your husband I really don't know. All you can really do is communicate what you feel and take care of your side of the street. If you focus more on expressing your own feelings about how you felt to be depressed without support and make it not about him at all, perhaps you might be able to get him to empathize more. But you also have the right to be your own person and it does take two to make a relationship work.

Just my opinion - take it with a large grain of salt.
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Old 04-04-11, 07:52 PM   #3
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thanks, something.

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Originally Posted by SomethingInTheWay View Post
If you focus more on expressing your own feelings about how you felt to be depressed without support and make it not about him at all, perhaps you might be able to get him to empathize more.
i have talked with him, i can't make him be more empathetic. sometimes i wonder how he can be so unfeeling.
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Old 04-04-11, 08:00 PM   #4
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thanks, something.


i have talked with him, i can't make him be more empathetic. sometimes i wonder how he can be so unfeeling.
That is very true - you can't make someone else be more anything, really. Lots of guys are very uncomfortable with their feelings. I know I am.

Not that I'm defending his behavior, just that it is possible he may have had strong feelings about it but couldn't express it. Then again, you obviously know him better than anyone else. It does sound a bit cruel to not even acknowledge your hurt - which seems to be what you are saying he is doing.

Of course it is up to you whether you want to try to work on the situation or not. Probably if you work on yourself you'll find your own answers about your relationship.
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Old 04-04-11, 08:02 PM   #5
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its always hard when you connect with a therapist and lose her, and its equally as hard and frustrating to find one that equals what you had without feeling like you have to start over at square one, but it may take trying out a few until you find that.
i remember what you have gone through in the past with your husband and it's sad that he was so unwilling to support or help you, i guess you've got to ask yourself is he genuinely supporting you now or is he just playing along to apease you, and is he still doing what he has always done, as far as making the marriage work you've got to do what is best for you and your daughter. your therapist should not be dismissing what he has done because it is a good part of why you are in the emotional state you are in, if she is then maybe a change is in order.
im always here for you if you need it
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Old 04-04-11, 08:03 PM   #6
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Seven years is a long time to suffer, you have been very brave. I understand how you feel about your therapist...I, too, had good therapist retire and leave me in the middle of my recovery. It feels almost like a betrayal of trust, doesn't it?
If this therapist is treating your grief as inconsequential than there's a lack of empathy there. It doesn't matter whether or not he agrees with you, he must treat your problems with respect to your feelings. Explain your perspective of his treatment and if he still doesn't show any empathy for your problems then find another therapist.
It's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes- especially when you've been treated badly for so long but do try. You deserve better, Blue Girl.
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Old 04-04-11, 08:47 PM   #7
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thank u, something.

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Of course it is up to you whether you want to try to work on the situation or not. Probably if you work on yourself you'll find your own answers about your relationship.
yeah, i think you're right.
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Old 04-04-11, 08:53 PM   #8
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thank u, surf.

Quote:
it may take trying out a few until you find that.
:( don't want to. hate feeling defensive again, don't want to in the future.
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Old 04-04-11, 09:03 PM   #9
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I understand how you feel about your therapist...I, too, had good therapist retire and leave me in the middle of my recovery. It feels almost like a betrayal of trust, doesn't it?
If this therapist is treating your grief as inconsequential than there's a lack of empathy there. It doesn't matter whether or not he agrees with you, he must treat your problems with respect to your feelings. Explain your perspective of his treatment and if he still doesn't show any empathy for your problems then find another therapist.
It's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes- especially when you've been treated badly for so long but do try. You deserve better, Blue Girl.
thank u, nanobelle. yeah, i do feel kind of abandoned. her leaving was sudden, and i had no warning until my last appointment. :(
i really don't want to explain my perspective. i don't want to look for someone else. maybe i'm just better off without it.. .
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Old 04-04-11, 09:20 PM   #10
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I am sorry that you are not connecting with your new therapist :( I was in your corner about trying someone new too. Do you think some of the views you have on her is due to the fact that she is new? I know I personally would feel uncomfortable with someone knowing so much about me with out me telling them. Or them acting like they know me.... I hope you can find a new person to be able to go to. I also hope that your husband comes around :(
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