The Weight - Page 15
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Suicide Forums > Suicide


The Weight

This is a discussion on The Weight within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; Thanks FromTheHeart. There is truth to what you say. I think making it to work is getting tougher and tougher ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-03-16, 07:30 PM   #141
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 566
My Mood:
Default

Thanks FromTheHeart. There is truth to what you say. I think making it to work is getting tougher and tougher to where it is going to get to the point of where I cannot do it anymore.

I am truly sorry for the cards you have been dealt too.


I reach out for help and all I get is what do you want to see done or they minimize things. I beginning to think I am crazy.
angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-16, 06:52 PM   #142
Member
 
FromTheHeart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 643
My Mood:
Default

You are not crazy angie. You are simply having to deal with a lot of serious issues. Maybe your healthcare professionals are frustrated and at wit's end too because they have not been able to help you. Perhaps that is why they ask you "what do you want to see done".

Anyway, thanks for your care and support. My job wasn't all heaven and moonshine but I do miss it.

Here are some virtual hugs for you too, angie.
__________________
Don't try too hard, try to go with the flow

Last edited by FromTheHeart; 12-06-16 at 06:57 PM.
FromTheHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-16, 07:52 PM   #143
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 566
My Mood:
Default

Thanks FromTheHeart!


I am feeling increasingly suicidal. The one thing holding me or somewhat keeping me together was work. I am a supervisor. One of my supervisees recently provided some words that they felt I have done nothing for them this entire time I have supervised them. I have done so much to increase morale to include advocating for them and making sure their voices were heard. It was a punch to the gut. This is a type of place of work where it is more intimate than most settings you will find in a work environment. So that meant I have somewhat of a personal relationship with those I supervise. It feels awful. I could not sleep for two days because of it. It is like working so hard for something and then being told my efforts were not recognized nor were they appreciated. I did not even get an apology from this person. I am so disturbed by this.

I want to die so badly and my thoughts are becoming more severe meaning thinking of different ways, etc. Hospitalization would do nothing because none of my circumstances change. I wish I just had depression where a hospital stay would be helpful but I do not. I have so many circumstantial situations piled against me.

I just want to die. My hate for life just keeps getting stronger with each passing week.
angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-16, 01:53 PM   #144
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 566
My Mood:
Default

Still nothing ever goes right. I have been trying to get treatment for a small whiplash going everywhere and doing everything and I still have pain with no explanation.

Going to a naturopath was not helping, massage therapy not helping, therapy not helping, advocating not helping.

I have basically succumbed to leaden paralysis and now am doing nothing at all because I am just so exhausted from doing all these things with no positive outcome. Things just get worse.

There is no way out of this. I see no hope whatsoever. I am estranged from my family. One or two people I care about and they are always wondering why I do not come home. I do not have the energy to make them understand. Then time ticks away.

There is no hope for this suffering. I do not know how much longer I can hold on. I think about killing myself every single day. I just want to die.

No one seems to understand why I can see no hope for the future or even the present. There is no hope for the present. I can't do this any more.
angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-16, 10:49 PM   #145
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 566
My Mood:
Default

Thinking about ending it more and more. I cannot stand these medical problems. I cannot stand living. I do not want this anymore.
angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-17, 07:47 PM   #146
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 566
My Mood:
Default

So things continue to be not so great.

There is a small positive thing but it will not go much of anywhere since I know the VA. FINALLY after almost two years of advocating someone at the VA listened to me and is doing something about it. For me it is just not enough as I really think I should get something for pain and emotional distress throughout the year.

Anyway, so I am waiting on that. My job is not going well and as of today am I considering putting in my notice. My job feels like it is acceptable to talk to supervisors any which way they want with no consequences (I am a supervisor). Because I think there should be some sort of hierarchy or structure or professional decorum I get the response that that is just my military talking. I have been treated like a punching bag from people that are not supervisors and there are no consequences. Today is another day like that I now I am considering quitting. I need this job as I finally bought insurance in addition to the crap job the VA did for me. This is a job where I can show up looking like I am depressed and nonfunctional and still have a job so....

I also have a problem with a tooth probably because I have been non functionally depressed for so long that that does not surprise me.

I still have chronic suicidal thoughts. I do not even recognize myself physically or mentally and have not for months.
angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-17, 07:00 PM   #147
Member
 
FromTheHeart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 643
My Mood:
Default

Hey Angie, it is a shame it took the VA this long to do something about it. It is indeed a small positive thing. But since they are listening now, hopefully they will also help you out with the pain and distress. Anyway, here is a for you.
__________________
Don't try too hard, try to go with the flow
FromTheHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-17, 01:08 PM   #148
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 566
My Mood:
Default

Thanks FromTheHeart!

It has been a while since you have been on here. I hope you are doing okay. As for myself it is more drama after another. I don't know....do you ever feel that you have yourself in such a rut that it feels irreversible? It feels I will never get out of this....it is like knowing if you start digging it will not even make a dent.
angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-17, 07:06 PM   #149
Member
 
FromTheHeart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 643
My Mood:
Default

Yes, I do feel the same way exactly, Angie. It's like no matter what I try it never works out or life becomes even worse. So what is the point of trying anyway? But it's not only a feeling for me, it is also reality. The only way I will ever get out of this, is when my time on earth is through.

I am sorry you are dealing with so many issues. You deserve better, Angie. Unfortunately, life can present us with all sorts of problems, leaving us hopeless and heartbroken. I wish things were different for both of us.
__________________
Don't try too hard, try to go with the flow

Last edited by FromTheHeart; 02-03-17 at 07:09 PM.
FromTheHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-04-17, 01:33 PM   #150
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 566
My Mood:
Default

I wish things were different too for us.

Just this past week yet another thing has happened. My roommate told a person she knew two weeks online all about me meaning how depressed I am, barely change my clothes everyday, sleep on my couch, never do anything, etc. I get a message on Facebook from this guy I do not even know telling me about this. He said a lot of things and I do not know what to believe. He had said my roommate sees me as a burden, said something about my place being bugged with cameras, apparently brought up I never went to her Christmas party because i did not want to not believing I got called into work which I did get called into work, etc etc.

So I confronted my roommate about and she could not deny saying these things obviously but she painted the situation in a different light. Not sure how this guy got the vibe that I was his words "succchhh a burden." I even told her if she is frustrated with me she can certainly tell me to my face. Her words were she just does not know how to talk to me to help.

I have NO idea what to believe. I was so stressed out about this I got a cold sore. It is uncomfortable living here now. She always wants it super cold in here in the winter and super hot.

I am looking to move which is another thing I did not need. I have so much stuff I have NO idea what to do with. This caused a lot of feelings of shame and just the sheer amazement that this is what my life is....because of my depression and medical problems I did not go back to school and this is going on like 5 or so years. Nothing gets better. I feel like I just cannot do this anymore. I started doing things to become more active and my legs swell just walking around the house doing things. I can't take this life anymore.
angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:10 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2