I hate my social anxiety. I know it's not true but I feel that without proper social skills, all the other good traits I have means nothing. I don't know how some ppl are so damn good at social, I wish I can be like that.
People likes to be with people who are good at socialising. People don't like to be with me coz I'm shy and stupid. Coz I say things that make people don't know how to respond. Coz sometimes I try too hard to speak and screw everything up.
I hate myself so much. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Since infanthood, I'm always being compared to my cousin Amy who are totally the opposite to me. She's outgoing and has a natural talent in socialising but she's stupid in study. I'm shy but get good marks in school. So what, my good marks means nothing, my music and cooking talent means nothing and my good heart means nothing becoz people love her but people don't love me. She's always surrounded by people and I'm always transparent alone in the corner.
I hate myself so much. I would rather be shit at everything else but have a good social skill.
I hate it. I feel like stabbing myself in the chest. social anxiety sucks. life sucks.