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Please help me

This is a discussion on Please help me within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU SUFFERED BECAUSE OF SEXUAL ABUSES WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD Hi, I'm 15 ...

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Old 01-08-17, 05:17 PM   #1
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Default Please help me

PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU SUFFERED BECAUSE OF SEXUAL ABUSES WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD

Hi, I'm 15 years old and I don't know what to do to find a reason to stay alive. Sorry for my english first of all. I'm gay, I'm addicted to little boys, I'm becoming a pedophile, a monster, a disgust. I tried many times to stop fapping without succeeding in it. I feel so depressed after it, I feel like a disguisting monster who likes kids and faps on 'em instead of being a normal human. I tried to kill myself a lot of times, but i could never succeed in it. Something always stopped me. That sounded like not the best idea by me. What else can I do? I just wanna go, disappear for ever because I'm such an horrible disgust. When I think about others, and how happy they can be in the future, when I just like kids, I have no future ahead, my dreams cant come true because I'm so bad to do my duty cause every my attempt to do it turns out such useless, I have nothing to stay in peace with, so i get a hell crazy in my head, I start to punch myself and to cut my arms. I don't know what to do, I can't sleep, I can't think anymore about the rest. I'm just stuck in a deep and disgusting jail. I wish so much that mine is just an horrible nightmare, because an year ago I was feeling good and I was liking myself, I wasn't even considering how horrible I am. Then I started thinking about me and my future, and about humans. Humans are usually digusting for everything they do and fight for. If you don't have money and faith, then you are fucked. If you don't have a life, I mean no friends, no one who cares, no future ahead and madness in your head, then you are lost in deep... and that's what I am. Sometimes I'm not hungry or I refuse to eat because I think that food is digusting just because it gives me energy, so I can keep living. What else can I try to do? I think I've done all that I could do. Now it's over
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Old 01-08-17, 05:42 PM   #2
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Hi there, you are human first and that is not disguisting.
Neither is it fair or easy. I've meet people with the same kind of issue you are dealing with but as much older people. I can only try my best to tell you what I have know to help from talking to them.

First of all, if you have not had any proffesional help and this has been going on some time, please do help yourself by helping yourself to seek help from a professional. It can be very difficult to face ones problems all alone, especially when one is judgemental to oneself for them. You can make assumptions and try to guess what this issue really roots in but resulta from such introspection like that can take a long time, having someone who knows what way to go is a good starting point.

Further more, this issue is not all that you are, dont let yourself believe that for a second. You have lived for 15 years and done more things, had other feelings and probably overcome other difficulties then this before.
You can get past this too.

You are not disguisting, you are a young and yes trubbled but that does not make you disguisting.
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