My life is over.
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My life is over.

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Old 08-03-11, 09:17 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Default My life is over.

Hey!
I just found this website and I need to talk so much that I decided to join and write something.I really have no one to talk to and I'm feeling so lost right now.
I've been depressed for the past 3 years for many reasons,I tried suicide before but I don't think I really wanted to die,I just wanted things to change,I wanted to be heard.Now it's different,I feel it,I simply don't care about life anymore,I don't care if I live or die,I just don't want to suffer.And I've been suffering so much...Last year I was diagnosed with a bladder disease,I was healthy till then but when I got sick my life stopped.Since that day I spend most of my days running to the toilet,in terrible pain and unable to sleep.I stopped eating because all of the foods I ate triggered my bladder disease,everytime I ate something I got even more miserable.So I adopted a very bland and horrible diet and I starve myself daily.Then it came Irritable Bowel Syndrome,a bowel disease that's also debilitating and painful.I've been locked inside my house for a year,unable to go out and in terrible pain.I went to a lot of doctors,did lots of tests,took lots of meds,but now I just gave up,I don't want nothing of that anymore.I cry everyday for what I've lost,I've got no friends,not a single one,I can't go anywhere without worrying about me getting sick or having to find a toilet,no one's going to want to date a girl with so many problems,I think I can't even have sex and kids because my bladder disease will not allow me to.I'm 21 years old and I'm losing all the fun,I spend my days in terrible pain,I need to take almost 10 sleeping pills every night so I can fall asleep without pain bothering me,otherwise I will be awake till my body can't take it anymore,I'm miserable,so why is it worth living anyway?Lately I've been thinking about suicide,yes,but I've accepted it peacefuly,I think it's my only way out of all this,the only way for me to be happy.I don't think about it as a sad thing,actually it's the only thing that gives me hope nowadays,knowing I can end all of this when I want to.I'm so tired of all the pain and suffering that anything else seems good.I don't know when I'm going to do it but as I said before it's the only way.The only thing that makes me a little sad is thinking what my life could've been,I had so many dreams before all this happened.I loved to draw,I wanted to be a stylist,I was a good writer too,I always wanted to get married and have kids,travel the world.But I have to accept things as they are.I really don't know why I wrote in here,maybe I wanted someone to know what's happening to me,no one knows but me,I don't really have no one to talk to so I guess that's why I'm here.Anyway,thanks for those who read this,thanks for caring for what someone like me had to say,no one never really cared.
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Old 08-03-11, 09:49 PM   #2
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I care, I care, I care! I'm so sorry for all you've been suffering. So so sorry.

Irritable bowel is terrible. My mother has it. But sometimes she has no symptoms for years. Since she started eating mostly raw foods its gotten a whole lot better.

I wish there was more I can do than just let you know that I care, but I do care, and I'm sure there are plenty others on here who care too. Keep writing.

And please keep going. You're so young there's a good chance you'll be able to do all those things you want to do. Don't give up.
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Old 08-09-11, 08:42 AM   #3
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i was so sorry to see that you are so unwell (i know we do'nt know each other) i actually have suffered on and off with ibs and other stomach issues for about twenty years and it sucks and also to have bladder issues must be the icing on the cake all i can say is i tried restrictive diets medication and allternative therapies and it is now manageable there is a wealth of information out there and these issues are now a lot more common than they used to be also for me i also had to address my depression before i could really manage my stomach issues as it did have a knock on effect.it saddens me to see you are so young yet you believe you have so little to stay around for, it's good to have hopes and dreams and i would urge you not to give up on them also if you love writing maybe that would be a good release and of course you can do that at home. the people here are always willing to listen if you need somebody please never give up and reach out if you need to (sorry about the rambling and bad grammar) i hope this helps a little.
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Old 08-10-11, 03:03 AM   #4
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Hannah13, how are you going now dear?

I've just joined this group and wish you all the best.

Have you tried diet? I don't know anything about IBS other than it's dreadful.
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Old 08-10-11, 04:02 PM   #5
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I care, too. I have a bunch of medical problems so can relate to that. There are forums (can I say this generically here?) for different conditions, and that might be helpful for you. I hope you'll try another doctor, hopefully someone recommended by others with the same problem. Sending hugs.
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