So i some how stumbled across this website it caught my eye and i decided to look at some of the posts. It really struck a cord with me and took me back to a time when i was irrational and wanted to end it all where life appeared to be so hard that i couldent continue and i started to glory-fie suicide. I remember thinking that i wouldent ever have to deal with any bullshit again (i was going through some serious stress at the time) no more crap no more anything it would all be gone. However Well i wast thinking about this i couldent help but feel this nagging feeling. Then one day i told my parents what was going on that i was thinking about how hard life was and etc i decided that i would try everything i could before i commit suicide and that even alcoholism would be an alternative after not exisiting is just that not existing and even being wasted would be some what of an alternative and so i went to see a counsellor. At first i didnt know what to think i just thought i couldent take life i was a bad apple a poisoned seed (after reading many threads i think alot of people can relate to that feeling) after talking a bit about my issues i started to realise that i wasent alone and that i wasent some horrible mutant copy of human being that could not cope. I kept going and each time I talked i started to understand my self further the way i thought and what i was about. I went from feeling worthless to feeling a powerful emotion anger. I stareted realising that emotions are in your control and its up to you how you feel. From that day forward I started to understand why people are depressed and have suicidal thought (read about its very interesting i gained incredible insight into what its about) and then one day i said two powerful words. FUCK IT and decided to go on a path I would never give in to my own bullshit however just because i decided to not die didnt mean that life was easy I also decided that from that day forth i was going to live for what I thought was important and it wasent me it was everything around me. I made a list. My family, my friends, my emotions etc. I realised that the very thing that made me down was actually a very powerful tool. I started to feel depression and anxiety not as a force of evil but as something i could use. I started to meditate and realise that not only was life short but that i had to make somethiung out of it and not waste it. I hope that this means something to some one. Today i look back and think about all the time i wasted on emotions that i had control of that i could have done something constructive with but no more.
A friend once told me that if you want to kill yourself you reach a stage of freedom. For the lack of fear of death means that you can do what ever you want... you are free why waste it make the most of your freedom you can do whatever you dreamed of i hoped this helped some one. I went from hating life and being resentful of being borned. Now i have done things i only dreamed of having no fear frees you of death and remembering your mortality means you must make the best out of what you have.
Dont like some thing change it. Worried? who cares? remember that nothing last for ever. The mortality rate is 100 percent every day counts. Next time you feel suicidal think of evertyhing you have before you indulge in those thoughts. Trival things that you have that other people dont. And remember that you have nothing but freedom in this life so dont waste it.