It's how I see the world, different from everyone else.
My spark is gone. I have moments where it seems normal, but my hope is gone.
My tortured mind is screaming at me to make a choice, when I can understand it. I can end it now, and sleep. Or I can turn every little bit of anger and hatred I have into myself. Turn me into Lord Syyn properly, I'm sure that'd be fun. Until next time.
I'm always tired. Irritated and annoyed by just about everything, but just so tired that it's here one moment and gone the next.
Moving on holds no fear over me. I just don't care. I've watched myself lose things 'people' should have, friends, love, all that other pansy ass shit that makes it easier.
No, I'm not the same as I was a few years ago. I've watched myself lose those things and lose myself too. Every single day, I go further down becoming someone else. It's bad. I don't feel the pain, but I can tell it's there.
Someone I trusted, with nearly everything about me has gone. So has my willingness to be fucked with anyone else. I'm smart. I learnt how to hide what I feel from everyone else last time. They have no fucking idea what it's like to be me.
You don't get betrayed when you're alone. Nobody breaks your trust. A victory of sorts, but the price I paid for it was myself. I don't have any friends. I don't have anyone that I can talk to or hang out with. I haven't had anyone for years.
I still don't know why I'm writing this. I can't see any benefit, but maybe that's just me.
Today is a better day for me.
I'm not even 21 yet, and this shit already. Good thing I don't care anymore.