I don't want to go on anymore
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I don't want to go on anymore

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Old 10-23-09, 05:03 PM   #1
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Default I don't want to go on anymore

I just can't handle my life any more
Theres nothing good about my life everyday things get worse for me, I'm only 25 years old and need to go on dialysis because of my weak kidneys. I just want to die naturally and not go on dialysis, and just live my life for the couple of years I would have left with out it. My family on the other hand is tryin to push me forward and get me on dialysis because they just can't let go of me yet. I really have no reason to live anymore, and being hooked up to a machine just to live for a few more years seams utterly pointless to me as that's not living at all and will be painfull. I'll never have a wife and kids, hell I'll never even have a girl friend, no one wants to go out with a man that's on dialysis. My whole life i've allways have had this fealling that i would die young, it has never really bother me only my friends and family. Why can't they let go of me? Can't they understand I just want to rest. If there is a afterlife then I'll go on to it, if not owell there is nothing i need to do anymore with my life, Don't get me wrong I would never kill myself, but I don't see the point on carrying on my life if i need to be hooked up to a machine just to live. It would be differnt if i had a wife and or kids that depended on me but if i were to die today no one would notice intill my next doctors appointment. What I'm trying to ask i guess is why should one live a life of pain just so he isn't dead to others.

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Old 10-23-09, 05:46 PM   #2
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Are you saying you don't like the hand you were dealt so you don't want to play it?

Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position.
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Old 10-23-09, 08:39 PM   #3
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No I want to play my hand my way not the way others think I should
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Old 10-23-09, 11:08 PM   #4
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Actually, people can live pretty exciting lives even with much more debilitating conditions that the one you have - look at Stephen Hawking, for example. He was diagnosed at age 21 with a disease that would ultimately make him a quadriplegic, and he went on to become one of the world's most distinguished physicists and a bestselling author. When he was diagnosed he was given two or three years to live. That was more than 30 years ago.

Another example is the Washington Post columnist Charles Krauthammer. He was paralyzed in a diving accident as a student. He went on to get a medical degree, become a psychiatrist, and later a nationally syndicated political columnist. He appears as a panelist on Fox News almost daily - you have to look pretty carefully to see that he is sitting in a wheelchair, and many people who have seen him on television for years don't even realize it.

Probably the most famous example is President Franklin Roosevelt. His lower body was paralyzed by polio before he got into politics. He went on to become governor of New York and then president. He couldn't walk more than a few steps even with crutches. Today no one remembers him for his disability, but for the New Deal.

I'm not saying living a full life with a serious illness is easy. But there are so many examples of people who have done it that it would be stupid to say it is impossible. Right?
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Old 10-23-09, 11:38 PM   #5
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i'm sorry to hear that this is probably a very desperate time for you... but at your age, you'd be surprised at your body's ability to recover... so don't give up just yet

it might be worth it to find out if there's absolutely no alternative options to dialysis... (and even if there's not, don't give up just yet either... remember the medical technology is developing very rapidly... there's probably a development on artificial kidney somewhere)

are you elligible for a kidney transplant? sounds like you have a supportive family that wants you to survive very much... if that's the case, have they been tested to see if any one's a match to give you a kidney? and worst comes worst... please don't quote me cause i think any doctor would advise you against it due to ethical reasons... but if it's a life and death situation.... you can always go to china/thailand/india to get a kidney transplant... likely one or more of these countries don't have a waiting period

but then i'm not a doctor or anything... i just think if if it's just "weak" kidneys that can be kept functioning with dialysis (not anything terminal like cancer or something)... there's gotta be a good chance you can return to your normal life style in the near future... so don't give up, please
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Old 10-24-09, 05:45 AM   #6
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Hey, I havent got the problems like you have with your health, and I've still had enough. People have told me that it is a selfish thing to take one's life but they are not in the state of mind that we are in.
I am organising and putting things into order, giving away my possessions. I have told my family and some of my friends, none of which are happy but they are all supportive. They are all hoping for something good to happen so that I will change my mind.
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Old 10-24-09, 08:35 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Ijustwantadie2 View Post
No I want to play my hand my way not the way others think I should
I understand your need to control your own destiny..and I can relate to a desire to (someday) pass on with dignity.But Why not try the dialysis under the condition you can go off it anytime if if you think you can not benefit from it.People live fullfilling lives with your condition.You seem in need of some support from others who are going through what you are.If you have a therapist or psychologist maybe you can find these support groups.You dont have to be alone.And all this IS you being in control of your own destiny.But how can you know what is your true destiny if you do not try all options first?
Your a smart person,too.It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is there....you only get one life to live..I hope you can find some ways to make the most of what you DO have going for you.
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Old 10-26-09, 01:59 PM   #8
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Hello Ijustwanttodie2,

I can understand were your coming from in a way as i am hooked up to oxygen 24/7 due to bad lungs.

At some stages i have wanted to just give up though other times im scared of death.

I must say that im older than you so i have experienced a marriage and a child but ive also am divorced and lost my son to suicide.

Is there any chance of transplant?
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