i don't know what's normal anymore
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i don't know what's normal anymore

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Old 12-07-11, 08:55 PM   #1
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Is it normal to think of suicide every day? It's become so frequent I've just grown used to it and it doesn't freak me out anymore...

Twice in the past week, I've came home from drinking and tied a scarf around my neck really tight but not really taken it any further and it hasn't freaked me out at all.. I just kind of laugh at my pathetic attempts(?) and actions.

Last night I had a dream my brother committed suicide, but I know it's me in my dreams and not really my brother, it's like I put my feelings on someone else...it finished with me waking and thinking I should text him and tell him if anything happens to me that he should take my diaries and never show them to my parents cos they'd be heartbroken if they read them...

Yet, I'm not actively planning suicide...I can't see any point to life and I'm miserable, but I'm doing a convincing job of going about my normal life pretending everything's fine...I'm so confused as to whether I should be concerned about myself or not???

Maybe I'm just a wannabe attention seeker or something??? I really hate myself.
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Old 12-07-11, 09:06 PM   #2
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...I don't think you're an attention-seeker.

Is it normal to think of suicide 24/7...I don't know..but I know what it is to think that way. But, there's something about your post (and in my life) that makes me think that you don't want to die. Sometimes, it's an impulse for pain...without actually wanting it to happen.

As for the text to your brother? I personally wouldn't do it. If your brother is anything like mine...he'll see red flags...be really concerned.Aside from what that will do to him, he'll suspect you a little more...be worried. When really, those are only thoughts....

they are only thoughts....
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Old 12-07-11, 10:51 PM   #3
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When I hit my really low points, I do the same thing. I don't really want to do it, it's just a kind of sick humor. Sometimes you can't help but do things like tying a scarf tightly around your neck. I think it's normal.

However, what it really comes down to is what you think. You know yourself, and really any advice I give isn't going to be as helpful as asking yourself "am I being serious?".

I hope I made sense, and wish you the best.
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Old 12-16-11, 11:13 AM   #4
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Just wanted to say thanks to both of you for the support and advice. (Sorry it took me so long, my computer broke.)

Mags 13 you were right. I didn't tell my brother and glad I haven't. I know I won't always feel like this, so there's no point in worrying people.

Tay, you're right too. It is like a sick sense of humour..Daring yourself to play about with things, like a stupid kid playing with matches...

Thanks guys, hope you are both well x
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