Wish I could help, man. I'm older than you and still haven't experienced a relationship or anything like that. I've always felt undesirable. Is it possible you have a distorted view of your appearance though? I think it would be worth it to at least try seeing a professional about this. It might actually help, you never know.

I can relate to some of the stuff you wrote. I have days where I feel ugly. In high school, I couldn't relate to my peers because of self-confidence issues. I felt like the only person in my ENTIRE school who lacked confidence.v That made me feel alone. I hated that feeling. It frustrated me. That feeling of not fitting in made me feel like crap. I hated it so much.

There are many people who feel alone in their problems. I've struggled with anxiety that felt like it was never going away. It sucked to deal with it. All I can say is that you have to take it one day at a time. Eventually, things will not always suck. Just hang in there.

I actually know that i am really ugly. I hate having my photo taken because i can't smile properly knowing there's a camera ready to take my photo. Every time i go for a walk, i constantly look down or to the side, completely avoiding looking at anyone's face. I seriously have no idea how i will be able to live with myself, but i still have some hope that it will get better. Low self-esteem doesn't do any justice whatsoever to how i feel about myself. I hope you will become comfortable with yourself someday.

That is horrible what you are going through, man. Maybe try and call a helpline.

My dear,
So much to tell you that I wouldn't know where to start from. Perhaps I'll just start by asking you to bare my english since its not my native language. This being said, allow me to enlighten you with a bit of the wisdom I have collected during my time in this earth.

- Rule 1: The Change.
Fathers talk, bribe, shout, scream, beat their kids in order to prevent them from doing their own mistakes, but in the end the kid will do what he wants to do because its his life. This means, that all the wisdom I share with you will be useless unless you also want to use it. This means the first step to change any situation is to change your mindset. This means the answers are inside of you. This means that when you ask "what am I supposed to do" in this forum you are addressing the question to the wrong audience. That question should be answered by yourself.
- Rule 2: The Acceptance.
If in the end you are the only one who can decide wether you want to change or not, why am I still giving you advises? The answer is simple, I have the moral duty to warn you, but I have learned from buddhism that there cannot be peace/happiness if we are not willing to accept and embrace things as they are. So wether you choose to be happy or depressed I will be happy for you. If you are happy it means the pain I once had helped me to remove your pain and you would have given a meaning to my pain. Otherwise I will be happy that you might learn more about pain to try to help others when your time comes. Seneca once said that rich is not the man who has a lot but the one who desires few. If you master this rule you will not only be in peace/happy, but you will be truly free from all mundane traps!
- Rule 3: The Game.
The game is not played by trying to get other people's starting hand but by developing your hand and playing it at its full strengh. The only important thing in your starting hand is intelligence. The rest can be bluffed or achieved. Being beautiful can be achieved. You can pay a surgeon, you can pay dermathologists, you can pay whatever you need, but you need money, and you need a plan to make money. What you cannot pay for is the intelligence to make the plan.
-Tips & Tricks:
A) You need to build confidence on yourself because thats what people around you needs to see. If you don't trust yourself no one will. Nevertheless you're probably too young to be confident enough (you don't even have a profession yet in order to think yourself qualified for something). Bluff the confidence while you develop your skills. One of the most beautiful women I ever saw (she could cross the highway and all cars would stop to scout DAT ASS) was married to one of the most ugly guys I've ever seen. When I asked him how did he managed to get her he replied "not even the brad pitts would dare to ask her out and I did".
B) Ugly is an insurance policy. Im a good looking guy and I always did my best to look ugly when looking for Ms. Right because I wanted a girl who would appreciate me for myself and not because my beauty or money. I met her being overweight and after a 30h planes trip.. and nowdays she still tells me I could go back to overweight (and all pimples associated with bad eating habits) if Im happier like that.
C) Everything in this world is about trust. Trust defines everything. From financial markets (consumers trust), to the most basic human interactions. If you are kind and funny (you can learn how to be it or bluff it) you will get any mundane pleasure from life (women/work/friends/etc.).
D) In order to be beautiful at some point you need lots of money, so you better start focusing hard on that Bachellors Degree. Nevertheless if you ever manage to master Rule 2 you won't want to waste time in making yourself beautiful (because beautiful people also waste lots of time on it... it is not for free you know...).


To finish my suggestions, I'd like to ask you... Considering you opened this post in 2016 and again in 2017 you are still complaining about your hand instead of developing it and playing it... So... What are you supposed to do now?

I am sorry you have been struggling for so long.

As I read your description of yourself, I couldn't help but think of images I have seen of Stephen Hawking, one of the most brilliant minds of our lifetime.

The measure of our worth is not found in how we look, but in how we act.

What are you doing to make the world around you better?