I normally wouldn't but feel like it
sure, at times i have feelings of wanting to commit suicide but would never do it but stay very depressed then get back out of it on my own.
but now as time gets much shorter for me towards a court case that my ex partner has put me in for something i did not do to her, i feel like dying right now.
im so alone, so scared. very unloved, very rejected, very used, very betrayed.
im a decent guy. im a professional. i have brought myself up from the ground, have strong background, moral and ethical values unlike today's corrupted society. im intellectual, sensible, mature - and yet destroyed by this woman who damn well knows i would never do what she has accused me of doing to her, its not me, and not in my nature at all. i always believe in being the better person.
now, my father unfortunately passed away over a month ago also. and i have this case in about a weeks time.
because of her, ruined me, and well i guess somewhat destroying my family too because of her.
im so strained, so drained. i cant even physically move at times and sometimes pass out because of the stress whilst she is out there, enjoying herself, being with goodness knows who - after everything I did for her...i get this.
i cannot see a way to win either as its her word against me and women always get the priority.
im at a loss. why bother continuing?
i just feel like going for a long walk and never coming back.
every day i miss her since last year. today was the first time i saw a sunset this year, blue sky - gorgeous.... and given that its the weekend, usually we would be at each others and just being so close and intimate together, enjoying such things.
now? she is happy making all these allegations and messing around, getting people on her side and going out and "partying" probably. just makes no sense.
you know, you are suppose to make a better life here on this planet, life is so short as it is and i dont believe in making things complicated or anything but to enjoy it - to have some form of a paradise on earth before the lifeafter..... but this is hell on earth. so why be here?
she was my paradise. until she destroyed me and kept hurting me even though i explained to her what the problem was ... she agreed, promised it wouldnt happen again but it did, 3 times and everytime i would leave as thats my behaviour/attitude and make her think what she has done.
she couldnt handle this different approach compared to other people and the people in general..... and caused all this.
1 week for me until my rep and life is ruined. so why be here and suffer?
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