self-injury

drag screaming action · 03-03-2010, 10:39 PM

hi everyone, i usually dont post on the depression forum but i think this will fit in with this area. yesterday and today i have thought very seriously about self-injury. ive done it only twice before. that was back in august of last year. i havent really thought about it much until recently. and tonight, i [self-injured] myself. [edited] it really felt good to do this. i talked to my therapist about my thoughts yesterday morning at my appointment and i didnt really think i was going to do it so soon. i knew i would do it eventually again but not just one day after my appointment. the thing is, i dont feel bad for doing it and im looking forward to doing it again tomorrow. i know i should tell my therapist about this but im enjoying it. i guess im just wondering if anyone else is dealing with this problem. im not looking to stop it but i just feel like telling someone and i guess relate to me a little bit. maybe im seeking attention i dont know. my head is all fucked up and i dont even know what im thinking anymore. all i know is, i liked it when i [self-injured] myself. the pain was nice and lifted my depressed mood some. [edited] i hope you guys dont take this the wrong way, but before i did this, i was thinking about attention seeking and how by doing this, i can make people feel bad for me. but at the same time i dont want anyone to know besides people over the internet and maybe my therapist. althoughize i would get embarrassed by what many people that dont understand this would say. so in a way im not seeking attention. but while i was doing it, i was just thinking about myself and my [self-injuries] and how it was making me feel better. and right now im looking forward to more of this. sorry if i sound stupid. i need to sleep now.

beautifullyscarred · 03-03-2010, 10:55 PM

i remember when i was [self-injuring], i sought attention, i wanted people to know i was in pain. but the evenutally i didnt care if anyone knew, it just felt good to [do it]. but, i just want you to know, that []...idk, a couple years later i kinda regreted [doing it]. i know i was going through alot at the time, and [] help. but i kinda wish i dealt with it in a different way. [edited] i hope you continue therapy, that helped me alot. i think what made me stop [edited] was that it was hurting the people i cared about. also i ended up in the hospital [edited], it was an accident. i just want you to know your not alone, and i was just like you long ago. things will get better.

drag screaming action · 03-04-2010, 06:21 AM

thanks beautifullyscarred. right now i dont feel like im seeking attention at all. im just looking forward to the abuse to myself. i get so frustrated with my depression and its a great release. [edited] feels pretty darn good! im messed up, sorry. im glad someone can relate to me. thank you.

TheWilling · 03-04-2010, 01:52 PM

Hey,

sorry to hear your story even though you feel better through [hurting] yourself.
Have you tried looking into other ways of releasing your frustration?

Maybe you could get a punching bag, hit the gym or or something else as a replacement.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just concerned about your physical health.

Take it easy ;)

drag screaming action · 03-04-2010, 08:17 PM

thewilling, my therapist said i need to try and exercise and get out of the house and escape my negative thoughts. but i just hate myself and my thinking sometimes and i just have to hurt myself. i get mad and sad when i do stupid things or make a fool out of myself like at work. and i just hate myself for it and i start [edited] myself at work today. i just had too. i felt so bad inside and i just had to release. nothing else would have worked at the moment. im stupid for doing this. but i dont care, i need the abuse. i feel like a worthless piece of shit that cant do hardly anything right. and even when i do something right, i dont feel any satisfaction. i wish i could cry, that might help. but i cant, im numb. but i can feel physical pain. thats all that matters right now.

JackFlash · 03-07-2010, 04:11 AM

i dont think you're worthless.. you sent me kind words that helped a lot, which i appreciate.

i hope you can get through this.

TheWilling · 03-07-2010, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drag screaming action

thewilling, my therapist said i need to try and exercise and get out of the house and escape my negative thoughts. but i just hate myself and my thinking sometimes and i just have to hurt myself. i get mad and sad when i do stupid things or make a fool out of myself like at work. and i just hate myself for it and i start [edited] myself at work today. i just had too. i felt so bad inside and i just had to release. nothing else would have worked at the moment. im stupid for doing this. but i dont care, i need the abuse. i feel like a worthless piece of shit that cant do hardly anything right. and even when i do something right, i dont feel any satisfaction. i wish i could cry, that might help. but i cant, im numb. but i can feel physical pain. thats all that matters right now.

Hmmm, I'm very sorry to hear that from you. I hope you're feeling much better now though. I can understand when you say that sometimes punishing yourself feels like the right thing to it.

It probably is, it definitely shows awareness that you're unhappy about what you are doing, or what you did.

Why don't you try and take that punishment to a different, more conventional platform? Instead of inflicting pain, inflict exhaustion....

Try it at least once, if you don't try you'll never know if it works...

Next time you feel like cutting yourself, kneel on the floor and do as many push-ups as you can.

until you fail...
until you are physically unable to do it anymore..
until you are too exhausted and fall to the floor.

That's beating your own self down in a safer way. C'mon, just give it a try.

drag screaming action · 03-07-2010, 09:43 AM

thanks jackflash and thewilling, i will try the push up thing. last night i drank with my buddy and i just cant find relief in drinking anymore. drugs just dont do it for me anymore. all ive ever done for drugs was alcohol and weed once and thats it. but its just not the same. at least im not an addict, thats the good news. but the bad news is, i dont have a release of my pain. or at least the emptiness of my depression. thats why i go to self-injury. i only got slightly drunk last night for the first time in quite a while and it just wasnt any fun. just made me tired and more depressed. i never was really big on drugs and alcohol though. my body just doesnt take it in well. i get sick easy. does anyone else have that problem? but i will try doing situps and pushups till im completely tired if i ever feel like hurting myself again. i hope that works. and yeah, its been really hard the past few days but ive managed to not hurt myself for the past 2 days now.

510178 · 03-07-2010, 10:20 AM

I just [self harmed] last night because I was extremely bored.

I don't what your reason was, but I'm sure everyone would make a bigger deal out of my self injury than I ever would.

JackFlash · 03-07-2010, 10:25 AM

Yeah i know how you feel. the only time i've ever cut myself was when i'd finished my parents cask of wine and i'd run out of weed. i was just depressed and really bored. i always need an outlet, and i absolutely always ensure that i've got one.

i get sick a fair bit too.. especially when i mix different drugs together.

grats on the two days dude, keep it up.