Only just found out for sure
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Mental and Physical Health > Sexual Abuse


Only just found out for sure

This is a discussion on Only just found out for sure within the Sexual Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I would say this is my biggest catalyst for having come to this forum. For a long time, I've lived ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-12-16, 02:01 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 38
My Mood:
Default Only just found out for sure

I would say this is my biggest catalyst for having come to this forum. For a long time, I've lived with a bunch of disturbing behavior, lapses in memory, panic attacks in certain situations. I had my suspicions before but they were always just questions I had. It was only recently that memory of the incidents came back to me. The only bright side I can find is that now I at least know it happened but with this realization has come a whole lot of other issues as I have no one in my life to tell, considering one of the last two members of my family I wasn't forced to break contact with was one of the family members involved in this incident and the other one doesn't believe me (or that it could happen to a man at all) and just laughed it off.

This has just come at a terrible time as all of the weight of years of depression and isolation are only being made worse by this and I have no idea where to turn. I cope by dissociating which, in the moment of dissociation, is worse for me because a lot of the time I just want to make myself feel something or show signs of being human, but once it slips through I relive it - the pain, fear, everything. The most disturbing thing to me is the fact that it's driving me further away from any possibility for reaching out. My behavior is becoming more disgusting to me as my mind tries to eroticize the things that happened and I can't help but feel disgusted in myself, growing increasingly secretive in addition to no longer taking care of myself.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for but I just don't want to bottle it up anymore and I guess see what advice maybe others had to offer? I apologize if this isn't how this works, just felt like a good place to unload what I can't share anywhere else. I have attempted to share this in other online mediums where I can be anonymous but I almost always encounter dismissal, mockery, or predatory behavior of which I've fallen for a few times, hoping this place will turn out different.
TheOutsider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-16, 09:05 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
SensualGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,982
My Mood:
Default

I too have faced mockery on another forum. I'm confident you're supported here.
__________________
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
SensualGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-16, 09:28 PM   #3
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 38
My Mood:
Default

Thank you for the response. I'm sorry you've had to deal with the mockery as well. I'm greatly looking forward to seeing what this place has to offer.


TheOutsider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-16, 09:43 PM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 38
My Mood:
Default

The past several days have been particularly bad, having not left the bedroom for the most of it. I just feel disgusting thinking about what happened and what it's turned me into. I've honestly kind of accepted that this has already taken my life from me in any meaningful sense outside of literal but I don't necessarily feel like it's that far off. Day in and day out just sleeping in but never really getting a full night's sleep because something always invades my thoughts. The worst of it is I know this won't improve. Tomorrow may change, I'll be that hopeful idiot that thinks it'll get better but eventually I'll just have to accept that they broke me, left me stained and useless again and every time that feeling lasts a little bit longer.
TheOutsider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-16, 02:51 PM   #5
Senior Member
 
SensualGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,982
My Mood:
Default

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I too have been traumatized permanently. I hear dark voices. I realized a while ago, with help from forum members here, that a lot of problems have no cure. There's no way to heal, at least for me. But we can cope with it, and it can get better.
__________________
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
SensualGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:08 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2