Night time fears
I do not like the nighttime.
In the nightime things go bump.
I have triple locked the door, and turned off the lights and turned on music... but I still stare at my bedroom door, trying not to. Trying not to expect something dark to come through... And I brush it off and say it's nonsense. But some weeks, it comes anyway...
Last night the thoughts were quite persistant, and I could almost sense the dark shadows (memories) swirling around, entering my room + swirling around my bed... + hovering near me...
and I tried to fight it... I tried to push it off, push the thoughts + feelings aside... but I couldn't... IT"S NONSENSE. IT'S NOT REAL! But the shadows still wouldn't go... (Flashback.)
So I had to relax and allow them to be there... :( I had to allow them to exist in the room with me :( before I could relax finally and fall asleep... :(
And tonight, it's the very same.
I don't like this.
This is why I tend to stay up late. Although almost never this consciously...
I'm so tired.
but I DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP.
I want to keep the light on. I want to sit up, here at the computer + I want to stay conscious and aware.
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confuses fiction with reality
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