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Old 03-31-16, 07:02 AM   #1
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I suffered two instances of sexual abuse before the age of 10. It has destroyed multiple relationships I've had. Now it has gotten to the point where my anxiety seems to affect everyone I interact with. I'm so angry. I'm missing the control I need and feel I deserve. It's a draining cycle. As a young man I can't tell anyone about my abuse. I'll be judged/pitied and I cant handle those consequences. I started posting on this site because I don't have or want any other outlet.
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Old 03-31-16, 02:17 PM   #2
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Ughhhhh, it's tough one. I won't lie to you, I don't know what it feels like. I can just imagine. Have you tried to find professional help? I know a lot of people are like 'no, I can deal with it alone', but sometimes, you just need help

Do you want to talk about it some more? About anything else? Feel free to post, I'm willing to listen
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Old 04-01-16, 09:43 PM   #3
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It has caused me to br awful in relationships. I keep trying to contact a girl from a yEar ago. She wants nothing to do with me but I still cause her emotional stress by texting her randomly over long periods. I'm deservedly s selfish person to her and I want to burn alive because of how I've acted. It's pure weakness because I cared everything about her
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Old 04-01-16, 11:07 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by banjo View Post
I suffered two instances of sexual abuse before the age of 10. It has destroyed multiple relationships I've had. Now it has gotten to the point where my anxiety seems to affect everyone I interact with. I'm so angry. I'm missing the control I need and feel I deserve. It's a draining cycle. As a young man I can't tell anyone about my abuse. I'll be judged/pitied and I cant handle those consequences. I started posting on this site because I don't have or want any other outlet.
Hi, banjo. Welcome to TTL btw.

I'm sorry about what you went through. That is not pity nor judgement. It is one survivor saying to another - it is something no child should ever ever have to live through. But we do live through it.

However, it does leave scars that affect how we live today. All through my teens and twenties I was in denial about the trauma. I repeatedly drank to point of blacking out, kept putting myself in dangerous and humiliating sexual situations, and to this day I still struggle believing anyone can actually love me. Therapy/counseling has really really helped though. I can't stress that. Our shame secrets about past trauma grow inside us like cancer and take over the parts of us that are good, pure, loving.

With much respect, I wish to ask you to reconsider what you believe about being male and not being able to tell anyone about the abuse. Yes, I know there are stupid rules about what is supposed manly behaviour. But let me tell you right now, it's all bull shit.

You are still a human, doesn't matter if you pee standing up or sitting down. All humans have rights and needs. And when they are violated by being sexually abused as a child, the effects can be damaging. But the abuse we perpetuate on ourselves - like I did in my earlier years - is just as bad. Including the belief that we don't have the right to get healing or help because of our gender.

I don't know where you live, but I would ask you to please, check out community counseling for abuse survivors. They are required to keep what you say confidential (unless there is some kind of safety risk to yourself or others then they have to disclose according to law). They are trained to help people begin their healing journey from trauma. And yes, sexual abuse is trauma. I think its the worst.

And yes healing is a journey - a process. Not a one-two step and boom all better. But it is so worth it.

You are worth it.
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Old 04-06-16, 11:18 AM   #5
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Men and women alike face social scrutiny for coming out about their abuse. I can only speak for myself in saying that a man damaged enough to "pee sitting down" loses respect from his peers regardless if they want to admit it or not. If I could have forgot about what happened to me, I would, and moved on. A lot of people are able to be successful in spite of their personal issues. In fact, the majority of highly successful people (like CEO's, high level government officials) overcame trauma in their childhood. Sometimes it is better to just accept responsibility and settle for a realistic perception of yourself
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Old 04-07-16, 08:08 PM   #6
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It's your choice of course, but is it really worth it to put up with the trauma for a chance at dodging some embarrassment? People who would look down on you for what happened aren't worth being friends with anyway. If a fake-friends kind of social standing is what's more important to you than your own well being, it'd pretty self-destructive imo. You could always get private counselling or something though, not like your friends/peers have to hear of it.

To the main topic now;

That's a lot to have gone through; only true monsters would sexually abuse children. Your anxiety is more than understandable after something like that, but if you remain scared of people and can't learn how to trust them- then it'll remain difficult to nurture your relationships. Trusting, or even interacting with people, is a risk, but it's necessary in order to have good relationships with people. A risk worth taking, I'd say.

If you don't feel like you're ready to trust people yet, just give yourself time. Time can have a healing effect on your traumas. If trusting someone completely is too much for you, you can just partially trust people. This way, you'll get some experience trusting others again while not setting your expectations too high and getting hurt because of it.

One of the ways I urged myself to trust people more was that I told myself that I didn't want to not trust someone who was deserving of it; It'd be sad if someone trustworthy never got that chance to be trusted because of someone else's evil deed. You can also learn to pick up on traits that un-trustworthy people have, and traits of trustworthy people. Observe behavioural patterns in people, not super closely to the point where it's creepy, but just be aware of them.

There are some good people in the world, and a lot of decent people. The truly awful people are few and far between, so be aware that they're there- but just remember that they are the minority; You don't have to be so scared of humanity.

I hope that you can eventually overcome your anxieties, as well as meet some trustworthy people someday.

Sorry if I missed the point and addressed the wrong issues or something like that, or if I just didn't help at all.
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Old 04-09-16, 06:06 AM   #7
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Thank you, no, you're right about my not being able to trust people. That has been a big factor in why I haven't seen a private counselor. I'm working to get better
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Old 04-09-16, 11:02 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by banjo View Post
Thank you, no, you're right about my not being able to trust people. That has been a big factor in why I haven't seen a private counselor. I'm working to get better
I may be wrong, but I think people who decide to become counsellors do so because they want to help people. I mean it's a job that can take a heavy emotional toll on them, so I can imagine they'd only want to become one if they cared enough. I think the reason some counsellors end up becoming apathetic and not helpful is because they weren't strong enough to cope with that emotional toll and they break.

So, in most cases they're probably quite trustworthy, but if they seem broken, you might want to consider finding a new one.
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