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This is a discussion on abuse within the Sexual Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; roy would abuse me when i was 6 year old,and my mum may or not knew about it,but i feel ...

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Old 06-02-15, 02:38 PM   #1
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roy would abuse me when i was 6 year old,and my mum may or not knew about it,but i feel she did. he would buy food and thing to help my mum out,as she was not that well off at the time.he only did this to help,so he could get to me. he would do really nasy thing to me,if i try to fight him off,which is something i cant even write yet.it just make me feel like im one worthless cow. he would go on hoilday sometime,and he would give me gift,saying i was his girl. i tho at the time,i had someone who like me,as no one like me at school,as i got call name,as i went to school dirty all the time.it was just a awfull time back then. sometime my mum would send me to school with no food. the frist time he did rape me,i did bleed a bit,but it fell like a knife.it was so painfull. the thing is he just tho he could do what he wanting to me.and yea he could. he would play mummy and daddy with me,but in a sexal way.he was had really bad BO.i cant get that smell out of my self tonight. i feel so sick just thinking about him. He does not care how he make me feel anyways.
i just dont understand how my mum could lets my big brother sexal abuse me when i was 3,and she know as she walk in on it. im just one big mess tonight. yea im still here.but i dont know how long for. it just all my fauilt. it my doing. i feel sick just thinking about it.i get flashbk all the time of this,and in dreams which i have ever night. im just comeing to the ponit where i feel like all i want to do is give up. yea i know it may be the wrong thing to do,but it just how i feel right now. i need to cry,but cant. i hate crying so much. i give in to si fews days ago,and i just want to do it again,but im trying to fight it with everything i have inside of me. i miss my dog abbey who pass away last year. she was only 1 yr old. life never fair to me.i wish thing were not this way,but they are,so i dont know what i should do for the best.i know people who have be like this for like 15 20 yr,im not able to be like this for that long.it killing me inside.a person can only take so much in this life. i just want to be like everyone eles,but that wont happer. i just want to be out of this pain. sorry.there so much more i need to talk about,but ugh it hard. was abuse by so many people,i t just hard.

Last edited by Leea; 07-08-15 at 12:35 PM.
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Old 06-02-15, 05:29 PM   #2
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Hi mermaid girl,

I'm so sorry about everything that you went through. It sounds very painful and no one should have to suffer like that. You were only a child and what happened to you was completely wrong.

I hope that you can see that it wasn't your fault at all. None of it was your fault. Please don't think that it was because of you. You didn't deserve to be treated in that way. You are not worthless.

I can't begin to imagine how hard things must be for you but please stay strong. You say that you feel like giving up but try to hold on for a bit longer. Keep sharing on here - it can help to get things off your chest and people will support you. You don't have to share everything at once but you can come here whenever you want to let off steam.

Please take care and stay safe. xxx
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Old 06-02-15, 05:39 PM   #3
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I'd echo that it's in no way your fault and the most important thing is the gradual acceptance of that fact
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Old 06-05-15, 04:53 PM   #4
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thankyou for your kind words on my post.
im just strugging with it all at the moment in my life.just feel so alone in it all.each day is so hard,sometime i feel there no ponit in going on,but i try and be strong,but it hard all the same.
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Old 06-05-15, 07:05 PM   #5
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Hey mermaid girl,

You've been through some awful experiences so it's not surprising that you struggle at times. That's completely normal so please don't feel bad or weak because of it.

I'm really sorry that you're feeling alone. Is there anyone in your life that you can talk to? What you experienced was so traumatic; have you ever had any counselling for it? If you haven't maybe this is something you could consider. Personally I find it's always better to talk and let off steam, rather than keeping things bottled up.

I think you're incredibly strong, mermaid girl. You survived an awful childhood and you're still here. What happened to you back then doesn't need to define the rest of your life. Please carry on sharing with us here. We all support you and will listen to whatever you want to say. You can do it.
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Old 07-01-15, 03:47 PM   #6
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Hi mermaid girl,

I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. I hope that you're okay.

Take care.
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