ive not been diagnosed yet with BPD but trying to see if i can find a therapist who can actually help me who knows enough. I have the problem of being able to kid myself and everyone else that im fine alot of the time and then i stop seeking the help. But basicaly i cant cope with life im either depressed or painfully empty and excruciating pain from the depression having anxiety or mood swings in general. I feel im often on a mad trip i cant come down off. And for me that is life im scared to say that to other people because i know no one would understand what i meant. I am just in turmoil almost all the time. I cant tollerate stress of any kind only nice pleasant peaceful things.And even they can cause me stress on my bad days. i seek peace But i have to keep busy all the time i can never be. I feel if i have any pressure of any kind put on me even to do something nice i meltdown inside. I have to constantly work on myself to readjust where i am inside i never stop working on myself yet seem to get nowhere. I wanted to ask if anyone else with BPD has this intolerance for life basically that life itself is an ordeal even nice things can make me feel either empty or realling with stress up to the eye balls dont know what to do or who i am or what to feel all feeling all at once swirling all around forever.
But i dont know why i dont ever remember being any different
People make me so full up with stuff that i have to remove myself from them yet i dont like to be alone but ive found the happy medium of cats as companions and goldfish!
I have had to resign myself to singledom cos i cant tollerate being in a romantic relationship its all or nothing
Im the most stable ive ever been though right now but still i suffer it wont ever be over will it i have always been this way
life is full time work!!