I feel so fragile
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Mental and Physical Health > Personality Disorders


I feel so fragile

This is a discussion on I feel so fragile within the Personality Disorders forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; i dont really know whats going on. i feel so fragile and like i could break so easily. sometimes im ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-13-15, 04:44 PM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 158
My Mood:
Default I feel so fragile

i dont really know whats going on. i feel so fragile and like i could break so easily. sometimes im fine and then if something really small triggers me i feel so upset and get really really sad again. when i hear my father sounding angry i get so scared and my heart starts thumping really fast and i start panicking. i spend most of my time away from him because although he is mostly 'pleasant' now adays he still has his moments where he'll just say something very demeaning or insulting like it doesnt mean anything to him.... and it means alot to me. it affects me alot so even thought 3 weeks ago he said i was retarded... i thought i got over it but i k ept remembering in the week after and i got so upset.

i feel so intense these days. for most of today i felt pretty okay, and now...its 7.30pm and im starrting to feel sad again. i dont want to feel this way so im trying it keep it back. i feeel so much grief and sadness and i dont think im getting over my dad. hate me if you want, but i just cant accept him for who he is... i cant accept taht he's an asshole and will probably die an asshole bcause he cant see what he is doing and he cant see that he is doing wrong. i feel so unstable with my moods and how i feel. im supposed to be focusing on a repeat assignment that i have to od for college, but i mfinding it hard to focus, or when i do, i start feeling sad really quickly and i dont feel like doing anythig anymore. all i do is either play guitar, talk on this online support thing or idk. mope. well today i watched ruby sparks. ti was good. i finished colouring in my picture.

ive been reading alot about quiet BPD and i relate to it ...well depending. some youtube videos follow strictly with the DSM criteria...and im not sure if its supposed ot be very severe to have BPD... because tbh... its almost like an extreme version of someoen who is really emotionall unstable. i am very emotionally sensitive...but i dont really get angry at people. when i was a teenager, i hurt my mom by accident. i just got so angry, id call it rage, but i dont want pl to think im dramatic. but it felt so out of control...and i knew that if i ever got that angry again... it would be out of my control beaue in those few moments it was like i could just do anything and everything and logical thought and reasoning wouldnt even come into it because that doesnt matter. when all you feel is rage, thats all that matters. I feel like dyeing my hair again. i had a dream that my hair was purple....weird since i have purple hair dye lol. my brother said once before that i was out of control cos i was shouting at him...he's being dramatic. i was only shouting alot because i thought it would get me what i wanted. also sometimes he hells me he only said some things cos he felt like be poetic and dramatic. how odd

i thought i was getting over my dad, and coming towards aceepting that he is what he is and how he is and all my grief and sadness and wishes would never touch him. i guess maybe 2 months is too little time to expect such big changes. i dont know. i thought i should be over it by now. people say poeple who are borderline feel empty... i dont know what that means. i probably dont feel it then if i dont know.... i just feel sad alot. but i guess being at home takes its toll. emotionally its so exhausting. i used to know how i felt and thought. now everythings just jumbled up. sigh. i do get angry but not as agry as i cold be. im scared of it. i know it wil lget out of control if i get to oangry... so now i just get really upset loll haha im kind of a hypocrite because i tell myself how horrible my dad is ...esp when u confront him about somthing he says and he just denies it. once i did the exact same thing to my mam. she said i was telling her off and i was like ' no im not' even tho i was. i dont know why i said it - it was just so automatic. i havent doen it since. usually i jsut walk away or i ...well idk. but its so weird. i cant explain that. and tbh if u asked me again now, i would say i was right for denying it, for saying i wasnt giving outto her. because it was right for me. and it wasnt logical. and i dont get it. its so weird! blah idk.

also i keep hearing music in my head....but i dont think im hallucinating. itsl ike i hear different music depending on my mood. so if im happy i hear happy music nad vice versad for sad. its not so fun with sad music lol. sometimes when i dont know how im feeling that helps cos if i hear sad muusic im like ' yep ur prolly sad'.

im not eatin so well but i try to eat better when i can more veggies and shit.

IM SO but i cant sleep when i close my eyes i start thinking and all. and ive been crying more before i sleep . ah well. better out than in. i do get about 10 hours of sleep usually. just takes me a while to fall asleep.

it breaks my heart..sometimes when i see my dad, and i know he's not well and i know that i cant do anything about it. sigh my mood keeps changing. sometimes i feel like im going crazy. i dont know .

sorry this was mainly for venting. i dont expect ye to read all of this. unless ur like me and cant sleep . tomorrow i will dye my hair purple! i had a dream that my hair was purple so i think its time

ok bye

Last edited by bubblebear; 07-13-15 at 04:48 PM.
bubblebear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-15, 05:02 PM   #2
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 158
My Mood:
Default

i think i posted this in the wrong section...ah well :p
bubblebear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-15, 06:04 PM   #3
Community Assistant
 
Shacke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Somewhere in my dreams
Posts: 903
My Mood:
Default

Sorry to hear that. From some reasons, parents seems to have expectation, in tearms what they want you to be like, and some of them just get pissed of when you‘re ‘not fallowing the script‘. Atleast that‘s what it‘s like with most parents I know (including mine LoL)
Those things your dad said to you, maybe he just said in affect. I don‘t know him, but maybe there‘s a chance that he was just angry. That he doesn‘t really think that? Like I said, I‘m really not familiar with situation. And let me tell you something, most of parents will never, ever, ever, EVER admitt that they‘ve made a mistake. It just is the way it is. So, even if he know how do you feel, chances are he won‘t apology or anything.
Lack of focus? Yeah, I know it. It sucks. Sorry, I have no advice on that. I tried some vitamine B coplex (I think that‘s what it‘s called, not shure), and it didn‘t help. Same people told me it did wonders, but I just felt no difference.
Now, about personality disorders, I would really advise you not to diagnose it if you‘re not professional. There is just way too many parametres to keep your eye on. How long does simptomes last? When did they appear? Familly background? etc. Does BPD sounds like extreme version of emotionaly sensitive person? Shure. Atleast to me. Hell, it‘s also called emotional instability disorder. And even if you had it diagnosed, what would it change? I mean, synptomes are here, BPD or not. Right? Atleast that‘s how I see it.
About that music you hear in your hed, is it really loud, like, do you really her it, or is it more like your brain is playing it? Also, do you know those songs you hear? Just interested.

Now, everything I said is strictly my opinion. And, like any other human, I can be wrong. So don‘t take it too seriously ;)
Good luck
__________________
“I want to weep, she thought. I want to be comforted. I'm so tired of being strong. I want to be foolish and frightened for once. Just for a small while, that's all....a day.....an hour.”*

Mirror is my best friend, because when I cry, it never laughts

Everyone can make you laugh but not everyone can make you happy
Shacke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-15, 06:11 AM   #4
Community Assistant
 
nsdimitrije's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Serbia
Posts: 4,753
My Mood:
Default

((((((((((((((((((((bubble))))))))))))))))))

I hope your dad will change for better soon. Try to empty your mind out of extra thought before trying to study/work. Maybe meditation will work?


I hope you will feel better soon bubble

P.S. Purple hair sounds like fun!
__________________
Now that its over
I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of heaven looking back at me
nsdimitrije is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-15, 04:44 PM   #5
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 158
My Mood:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shacke View Post
Sorry to hear that. From some reasons, parents seems to have expectation, in tearms what they want you to be like, and some of them just get pissed of when you‘re ‘not fallowing the script‘. Atleast that‘s what it‘s like with most parents I know (including mine LoL)
Those things your dad said to you, maybe he just said in affect. I don‘t know him, but maybe there‘s a chance that he was just angry. That he doesn‘t really think that? Like I said, I‘m really not familiar with situation. And let me tell you something, most of parents will never, ever, ever, EVER admitt that they‘ve made a mistake. It just is the way it is. So, even if he know how do you feel, chances are he won‘t apology or anything.
Lack of focus? Yeah, I know it. It sucks. Sorry, I have no advice on that. I tried some vitamine B coplex (I think that‘s what it‘s called, not shure), and it didn‘t help. Same people told me it did wonders, but I just felt no difference.
Now, about personality disorders, I would really advise you not to diagnose it if you‘re not professional. There is just way too many parametres to keep your eye on. How long does simptomes last? When did they appear? Familly background? etc. Does BPD sounds like extreme version of emotionaly sensitive person? Shure. Atleast to me. Hell, it‘s also called emotional instability disorder. And even if you had it diagnosed, what would it change? I mean, synptomes are here, BPD or not. Right? Atleast that‘s how I see it.
About that music you hear in your hed, is it really loud, like, do you really her it, or is it more like your brain is playing it? Also, do you know those songs you hear? Just interested.

Now, everything I said is strictly my opinion. And, like any other human, I can be wrong. So don‘t take it too seriously ;)
Good luck

*hugs* yeh... seeing the psych on thursday so we'll see. tbh i think i want her to say theres something wrong with me, because i feel better about msyelf when i say theres somethign wrong with me because thats how i feel (wonderful self esteem) not too loud the music, just right i hear songs i know. so when iwas sad i kept hearing 'mad world' over and over again. annoying lol. yah brain playing it. i guess i dont need ot get an ipod lol. yah he prolly doesnt believe im retarded...but his words affect me. im still looking up articles on bpd...think im a bit fixated on it lol.

anyways ty for ur reply
bubblebear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-15, 04:46 PM   #6
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 158
My Mood:
Default

nsdimitrije it turned out brown..... lol nah dont think he's going to change. i just cant accept it so eh. its my pain to carry :D one day il lget over it. but not for a while. just need to try not to die in the meantime... iget sick of feeling so intense ye know? :( but yeh. ill try meditation again later :) ty xxx
bubblebear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-15, 09:39 AM   #7
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 196
My Mood:
Default Lack of focus

When my concentration went up the spout I needed antipsychotic meds and they did the trick. I still get negative symptoms like lack of motivition
Drizzle12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-15, 06:06 PM   #8
Community Assistant
 
Shacke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Somewhere in my dreams
Posts: 903
My Mood:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bubblebear View Post
*hugs* yeh... seeing the psych on thursday so we'll see. tbh i think i want her to say theres something wrong with me, because i feel better about msyelf when i say theres somethign wrong with me because thats how i feel (wonderful self esteem)
Trust me, I totally get it. And you‘re not the only one. The difference is that you did try to help yourself by visiting psych. Good job on that. I know it wasn‘t easy. I mean, I can‘t do it.
Just take care of yourself, ok?
__________________
“I want to weep, she thought. I want to be comforted. I'm so tired of being strong. I want to be foolish and frightened for once. Just for a small while, that's all....a day.....an hour.”*

Mirror is my best friend, because when I cry, it never laughts

Everyone can make you laugh but not everyone can make you happy
Shacke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-15, 04:36 PM   #9
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 158
My Mood:
Default

thanks guys :) *huggles*
bubblebear is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:10 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2