Sherrycat I'm going to say something to you that, I have absolutely no doubt, you will have heard hundreds of times before. When you have a physical illness, displeyed with the appropriate apparel of bandages, walking sticks, wheelchairs etc., people immediately react with due respect and, possibly, a certain amount of sympathy and understanding. When you have a severe mental illness people never seem to be aware that you are just as ill as the person displaying those physical symptoms.
I think firstly, you need to understand yourself and accept that you are struggling with a very severe illness, just as severe as someone suffering from severe arthritis for example. Your illness affects your everyday life, just as much as someone who finds it difficult to move around is affected by their illness.
"Paranoid." That word is horrible isn't it? It is a label that covers just about everything from someone who has worrying thoughts to an out and out criminally insane person who wants to harm everyone. It is hardly surprising that (to non-sufferers of a mental health problem and the ignorant) it is a word that fills people with fear, including the person who is suffering. It doesn't mean that you are not as valid a person as everyone around you.
OK now, you know that you are having some strange ideas, worrying ideas, that people are wishing you harm or out to get you. The reason I typed all that above is to help you recognise that you are ill. You are getting these worrying thoughts because you are ill. Unfortunately your illness isn't as easy for others to recognise and your fear is difficult for them to understand.
So sit down with your brother and discuss the fact that you have an illness. Perhaps the two of you can come up with some kind of coping strategy for when you get these thoughts?
I think it is important for you to recognise that these thoughts are coming to you as a result of your illness, just like someone limping would be because they have hurt their leg or foot.
Sherrycat don't in any way let feelings of shame, embarrassment or guilt eat way at any confidence you have left. Next time you get thoughts like this try your best to remind yourself you are getting them because you are ill and they will pass when that phase of your illness wears off. Your tablets will help you minimize these attacks to your rational mind.
I hope you are getting some specialist help now you have been given this diagnosis. This is a bit of a nightmare for you, isn't it.
Just sending you hugs. :)
Last edited by YouMatter; 07-14-15 at 05:51 AM.