LonelyAsHell

Hi all. I really appreciate all the help I have been getting through TTL forums and thanks in particular to a few good people who have been responding to my issues - I want to let them know how much it means to me.

This is one of the things that probably bothers me 24/7. I've had a few different shades to my personality, a few different characters through different phases of my life. A bully, then the bullied, then a guy craving for acceptance, then an extreme loner, and many others.

But here, I'll talk about the two "real" ones - the one of these, I see myself being for the rest of my life.
I want you guys to help me decide which is the true me and which one isn't.

1. Okay, so there's the first one. I turned into this guy about a year and a half back when I worked on my personality. I was bursting with confidence, spoke to everybody, was trying to bond with people and stuff. I wanted to make a lot of friends, hang out with them a lot, etc. That felt really good at the time, and I think I will always remember that time of my life.

... but thinking about it now, it doesn't feel very real. But this character is the more positive character, the more amicable, the more acceptable, etc. Do you see my point here?

2. There is this second shade to my personality (a personal favorite for some reason). Although he has a subtle confidence and charm to himself, he doesn't speak much, keeps to himself, and is the proverbial "loner". The way I see this guy, he doesn't even interact with anyone around him. But I know, that this sorta guy is probably considered a lunatic so, I will try to warm up to people and interact with them - I just won't form many bonds. He has a few good friends and likes hanging out with them. He wants a load of "me time" and lives alone.

That's probably it. I personally like this shade (2nd one), as it sort of goes with my introverted, loner attitude. But it might not be considered healthy by some.

So, what do you guys think? Which guy is the real me? 1 or 2? Thanks.

Gene Poule

The help I have gotten here means a lot to me also.
I still have till this day different shades to my personality.
Real one, might change over time or in the right situation. I think they both were/are you. 1 might return at some point. When I was shade 1, most of the time it was real. Other times I was faking it.
I do see your point. 1 is certainly "the more positive character, the more amicable, the more acceptable, etc." I enjoyed my shade 1.

Shade 2 seems fine except for the "lunatic" part to me.

Hope that helped a bit

__________________

tempered

We all act differently in different situations, some more than others. Be who you want to be, as you see fit. Consider what you hold most valuable in life, and use your personality to make the impacts you'd like most. We can't all flip a switch to be confident, nor can we always be as positive as we'd like for those we love, so make the best of it.

Patienc3

I guess the "real" you is simply the one in which you feel you are truly yourself. It's not necessarily the one that is the "best" or the most wanted.

We all might put on different faces at some point or another depending on what we are dealing with. But, I like to think of the real "me" this way.

I imagine myself getting into a dark closet. I ask myself who I really am inside with no one watching or no one to judge but me. I rid myself (as much as possible) of outside voices or influences. Then, I ask myself questions like:

Who am I? What do I want from life?

Also, introversion is not a bad thing. Some of the most influential people in life were introverts. Here's a TED Blog about introversion and why it's so awesome!

TED Blog | An introverted call to action: Susan Cain at TED2012

You are fine the way you are. Accepting yourself can really liberate you from needing to feel like you have to be a certain way. You can live life well without conforming to typical norms.

Patienc3

Here's a great video from TED about the "real" you.

Julian Baggini: Is there a real you? | Video on TED.com

In summary, it's a matter of choice. It's whoever you want to be. It's changing and it's up to you to decide how you channel your own development.

Enjoy the liberation.

LonelyAsHell

Wow! That's strange...

I imagined myself getting into a dark room (I could fit into a closet, but... my mom would kill me if I do so! ) that's basically a square box with nothing in it. Also, I imagine the room to be sound-proof.
The first thing I want to do is SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!! I feel like tearing up my clothes and breaking stuff! In short, I want to get all the frustrations and the energy out of me - good or bad.

Now that I feel liberated, I ask myself the questions...

And guess what? The answers are totally not what I expected!
I feel like going someplace where nobody knows me. I want to forget everything, and start over. Get a little job that just pays for my living, and enjoy my life. Make friends (get the point?!), chat with people, laugh, have fun, meet new people, form bonds, and... just live a happy, free, weightless, content life.

Isn't this crazy?! Please explain this to me anyone...

Patienc3

Well, there you go! That's not crazy at all. In fact, I've wanted a lot of the same things too and I work towards building it too!

From here, you can start a rough plan on how you want to proceed. Here are some starter questions for you:

1) What job do you want?
2) What type of bonds do you want to form with people?
3) What is fun for you?
4) How can you vent out your frustrations in a constructive way? With who?

I'm mighty surprised you did this so quickly. Good for you!

You can't control everything in your life but you can channel your own development. Go for it! This is a new beginning filled with many fears, worries, joys, and so much more.

Enjoy self-discovery and feel free to always check in for general advice!