So I'm reading spiritual books which has helped me with focusing on the present moment experience.

I read in a spiritual book that you should protect yourself from deeply unconscious people. So you don't have to be open with everyone.

I feel as if many members of my race are unconscious. I have been walked on my whole life by members of my race. I don't know why, but they just hate me.

I think being around them lowers my sense of self-worth. The voices also bring me down and really know how to hurt me. The voices are militant black people like Malcolm X and Iyanla Vanzant and some Black Panthers.

Some of the bullying may have stemmed from jealousy because I think outside the box and a lot of people say I seem unique. So maybe they were bringing me down to make themselves feel better.

I want to write off the whole group.

The only problem with that is that two of my friends (fwbs) are black. They're attached to me.

I'm not sure what to do.

I think that no matter the age, race, background, there will always be people in the world who will either hate, be jealous, wish to harm you out of no real reason. There is a famous saying "Man (and/or women) fears what they cannot understand" and I have found this to be true.

When your unique, you pose a threat to an established ideal and people who follow that ideal (the mass quantities) will not take it lightly. Some will do it conciously and others, much to our misfortune will do it unconsciously but the end result is the same, to get to make be one of them.

Now that is not to say that everyone on an absolute scale will do it. There are people who are concious enough to understand and they are worth keeping around, regardless of their race, age, background.

I guess you're right that it could come from any race.

I didn't realize I posed such a threat! That's flattering, but also intimidating. It makes me want to go back to keeping to myself so I won't get stepped on or forced to be conventional. On the other hand, the spiritual books teach me not to resist anything that's in the present moment.

I can see why you feel vulnerable. I miss being a loner. I feel unsafe and vulnerable too. On the other hand, the spiritual books encourage me not to use labels. But the fact remains I feel much safer when I'm alone.

What are your thoughts on this?

Labels are a convenience above anything so I agree with the books that you should not live by them.

I think that not resisting means to not make an open conflict with things. That however doesn't mean that you have to follow everything, even things you dislike, blindly. I think its about choosing what you want and pursuing that.

I'm white/native american and the people who took my humanity from me were white, at times it's made me very wary of whitey even if it's my same race. So don't put the label on it that all black people are bad just because the majority you knew were. Same here, just I'm white and the majority of white people spit upon me but there is some good in everybody not everyone views life as race, I view life as you're all people, and I'm the one that doesn't belong I'm something different, not really human or white or black or anything, I'm just a husk that knows alot about race relations

Yeah I don't want to be a follower. But the spiritual books seem to imply that you shouldn't dislike anything that exists in the present moment, that you shouldn't judge it, shouldn't resist, shouldn't get caught up in right or wrong.

The prejudiced feelings just won't go away. I keep trying to brush it off and be normal but they keep coming back. I have been the victim of crabs in a barrel syndrome (where some insecure person brings you down to make themselves feel good), underachievement due to hanging out with underachievers and picking up their ways, and bossiness from the elders who feel that no matter how old you are, you're still relatively a child. Overall, I think being around members of my own race kills my self-esteem.

I feel like since whites historically were seen as superior and perfect, they don't get jealous of us and don't feel the need to bring us down. Also in white culture, you're an adult once you're 18. I think it's high time I started hanging out with people who are better than me in some way so I can continue to get my shit together.

Plus there's these voices. They make me feel very unsafe emotionally and psychologically.

Some part of me likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I've been told that that's naive.

I'm leaning towards letting it go and accepting people's differences even if they don't accept my differences or my right to my opinion.

That's because the spiritual books teach about oneness, forgiveness, and complete non-resistance to the present moment experience. Also they discourage the need to be right and make others wrong.

But like I said, the book also said I should protect yourself against deeply unconscious people as they will make you much less conscious. I see that happening. I have talked to members of my race who insisted on being right and making me wrong. They have imposed their views on me. Then I go smoke or drink to deal with the frustration, fear, and pain. Smoking and drinking are very unconscious acts.

I believe that spirituality is a matter of conciousness over idealism. An idea tells you what you should do whereas a spiritual approach tells you what you can do, but it never tells you that you must do it (at least that's how I understand it.)

I'm not sure that bad traits all come from one race. You can pick up a trait from anyone regardless of where they're from. The question you have to ask yourself is "is this worth my time?"

Is "what" worth my time?

Whatever you pick up from someone else.

For example, I don't drink and I never saw the purpose of it. Some time ago, while talking to a relatively close person, who enjoys drinking and sort of pressured me into,it, I decided to see what all the rage was about. I began to drink, though it was what everyone else consider just a sip since I never took more than just 1 bottle. I thought to myself "so is this what people get overly excited about?" I tried it a couple of times over the course of a few weeks but eventually I never got the pleasure that people have always said it brought (and which serve as a trigger for others to try and put me down) so I decided it wasn't worth the time and stopped doing it.

Ironically, when I mentioned this to that same person, they told me that I shouldn't do it, that it was a bad habit and my response was "weren't you the one who was pressuring me to do it?" They apologized and things were left at that.