honestly, i detest being korean. you have no idea... i do a lot of shit that's probably weird.
if i had a choice, i wouldn't have been born korean. i was born in the wrong ethnicity. i know i sound like a crazy person... but these are my honest feelings.
since i was young, i always felt there was something really off about me socially. like i was a black sheep amount white sheep. i have never been able to keep a korean friend, they all eventually decide to stay away from me.
i've always have been making friends with other races, usually white. and i always had more fun with them compared to being with koreans.
sometime in middle school, i entered a korean church. since the 7 years i've been there, i've never made a close friend. it was always small talk and no real attempt to get to know me. i was active in trying to get to know people, converse with them, attend retreats, etc. but it seemed as if no one wanted to be my friend. i dated a boy there and after i broke it off with him, my isolation increased. i was labeled in their heads as 'his ex' and no one was interested in befriending me.
i finally left that awful church. i found them too judgmental and too stuck in their norms and isolated anyone who didn't fit within them.
1. i find their sense of humor too cute-sie and stupid. when i crack a crude, morbid joke they get all quiet and give me the weird look.
2. i hate the language. it's so fucking whiny. "opppppppaaaaaa" (like STFU)
3. they have no filter, especially when it comes down to physical appearances.
4. a lot of them are party animals. i like peace and quiet, staying at home.
5. i butt heads with a lot of cultural beliefs, example: modern medicine is a no. to me, it's a yes.
6. they have no shame in starring, i hate that.
7. whenever my parents want us to meet their friends and kids, i'm like NO. fuck that.
8. my boyfriend tells me i often forget i'm asian. i say stuff like "yeahhh, we white people..." and he's like "__, you're asian..."
9. whenever korean person starts talking to me (like asking for directions), i get annoyed that i have to speak korean to them. i'm embarassed that i probably sound very rude to them because i'm not that fluent.
the biggest slap in the face my parents ever gave was when i was crying for help because i was depressed and they didn't help me. they told me stuff like, depressed people are crazy. toughen up. modern medicine is bad. instead they made me feel like some complicated shit. in some sense, i have a hard time forgiving them for it.
...i know not all people of an ethnicity are the same... i'm sure one day i'll meet a lifelong friend who is korean. i guess the ones i've come across here in georgia have just been jerks...
i know i sound fucking insane....