XxChoiceNinjaxX

Okay, well, I don't know much about what to say right now, but I thought I'd start one... but I don't know if I'll keep up with it. I've tried lots of times to keep a journal and I don't write regularly... I'll try my best though.

As for now, I'm just wondering if anybody will bother to read this... I mean, I'm not very interesting and neither are my thoughts... but whatever. XD

If anybody DOES read this, I hope I don't bore you into a deep slumber... I'm out for now. Thank you.

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XxChoiceNinjaxX

Emily, my long-distance girlfriend of over a year, is not convinced that my self-esteem problems are her fault... they're not at all... They're nobody's fault but mine... It's not her fault I'm horrible enough to not believe her when she compliments me... It's just... how I am. God, I'd do ANYTHING to just feel some good about myself... I've been trying to fix this for years... But nothing helps... I'm tired of hating myself, why can't I just feel good about myself? My friends make it look pretty easy... ugh...

I'm so stupid...

I hate myself...

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XxChoiceNinjaxX

I feel like shit right now... I'm at school in 4th hour... good news is that I've found a new musical love... Tegan and Sara. Speak Slow is making me a bit happier right now. I can't really get comfortable... my right knee is kinda cramped up. I'm scared for next hour, which is French, because I didn't get how to do my homework, so I just skipped it and I'm going to get yelled at... Oh well...

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XxChoiceNinjaxX

I gave myself an eraser burn last Thursday and I've been lying to everyone about what it is... "Carpet burn"... And I didn't even tell Emily about it... Ugh, I'm such a HORRIBLE friend and girlfriend...

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XxChoiceNinjaxX

I've been having a lot of... suicidal thoughts lately... I wouldn't act on them... but the thoughts alone are enough to torture me... I don't like thinking like that... I told Emily about it... She blames herself... It's not her fault at all... she's actually the only reason I'm alive... But she doesn't believe me... Ugh, what do I do...? This is so frustrating... Why won't these thoughts just go away? It's pathetic that I sometimes find comfort in them...

Anyways... I'm doing a walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in October (Hypocritical, huh?)... and if anyone is reading this... I'd appreciate it if you would read my page and consider making a donation of any amount... I'd be grateful for a penny... Thank you...

http://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/Marissa

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