Matthew91

I dunno, I don't want to drop out when i have the potential to do well though...

This has been an odd weekend. I actually had a good time but the thoughts of suicide wouldn't go. My health's still kinda deteriorating and I still really need to ask for help. Maybe I just need some resolution on some things that are stressing me out.

Matthew91

Well, I've reached my deadline to fix things and I at least asked for help. I'm gonna wait it out and see what happens.

My health's kinda become life threatening now though. Even if things go right, I'm gonna end up hospitalised soon.

Matthew91

I'm at the end of the line here, I can't handle school anymore and everyone i thought could help me just doesn't care. I guess people just can't change who they are and, if that true, then I'm better off dead.

Matthew91

I'm really stressed out, I didnt go to school today cause of it and when i needed some time to relax, my mum just continually screamed at me how I'm being selfish by being depressed and not eating and threw a plate of food at me in anger almost smashing it on my face. I got so annoyed I covered my arm in cuts using one of the shards when she had gone away.

I honestly cant deal with this all anymore. the only break from stresses i have left is my friends but I need to sort out some problems I've had with them before we can comfortably hang out. One of my best friends said she'd help me resolve things with a few people which may mean there's some hope at least.

Matthew91

Things may be looking up finally. A friend who had kinda abandoned me after I admitted to loving her about half a year ago now came up to me about my depression and we talked it out seeming to be okay as friends again yesterday.

Today seemed okay, my health's kinda killing me and i know I'll eventually be hospitalised but, at the moment I'm too happy. Things are awkward with my friends but I have that support line back.

Matthew91

Haha, things have just turned weird with me. I get out of my depression over the friend who hurt me and I fell for her again. It doesnt bother me too much that I'm still completely in love with her but I hope I can just get over her, I wouldnt want to lose her over something silly like this.

As for school, I'm failing cause of my health. I feel silly about going to the doctors about not eating when there are people with actual injuries.

Matthew91

Well, things seem to be improving. I'm gaining weight, I'm being more confident around people and for once, I'm quite content with my life.

The only problem i have left now is that I'm in love and I really wish i wasnt. Hopefully the jealousy wont get to me.

Matthew91

I guess it was too early to celebrate, my weight started dropping and I'm really struggling to move around anymore. I dont want to be hospitalised, i honestly cant see the point in treating this anymore.

My friends set my hopes u that things had gotten better only to crush it in seconds. Now it seems im not gonna see them again, either being hospitalised or dying. And the later just seems so much better to me now...

Matthew91

Wow, reached an all new low. Told by someone I care about that she never wants to see me again, my weights still dropping and all i can do is hate myself.

I dont think i'm gonna last anymore, i was brought out by some friends cause they knew i was going to stab myself if i was left alone. But, i know im gonna end up killing myself when i get the chance...i cant see the point in living anymore...

Matthew91

I dont know what to do anymore, i dont even know how i'm going to get through this night. I just completely cant forgive myself for who i am and it seems some people i care about feel the same way.

I dont think i'm going back to school i cant be bothered to eat anymore and I'd rather kill myself before i get hospitalised...It seems this is the end for me then. At least before, there was a little hope, now there's just nothing.