I lived without a male role model.

showroomdummies · 09-15-2009, 08:43 AM

My mother's way of teaching me to be a man was to force me to watch Oprah Winfrey and tell me all about how my dad was a drunk gamer and that is why she divorced him. And so I was given the riot act of being a man in several acts: Men abuse women. Men cheat on women. Men are bad people and women are strong. Men do a lot of bad things and women are the victims, but never a good thing about how men can be exceptional.

Thanks a lot, Oprah.

(By the way, this doesn't mean I hate women. Quite the opposite. I find it easier to talk to them. I just don't want to.)

This manner of thinking warped me permanently through my childhood. I didn't participate in sports. I was often called a 'fag'. I was afraid to be myself as I knew myself because it wasn't considered normal and all I had to offer was niceness, and I felt strange being this way around women.

I had friends once. They eventually 'divorced' me and hung out with a bully of mine once I had. A lot of pettiness and anger arose in me.

I went through high school as the loneliest, most confused, anxious pervert on Earth. I just stayed inside and read books and looked at internet porn while my family slept.

Now I'm in my early twenties, and I'm constantly judged by having never kissed a girl, having never had a girlfriend, having never had a beer until I was 22, doomed to be a permavirgin by the world around me.

Being a hermit isn't so bad. For one thing, you never have to talk to people. You never have to listen to their banal conversations or their stupid, warped philosophies. You can just walk away and lose nothing.

brandysnap · 09-15-2009, 10:20 AM

HI showroomdummies

i just wanted to welcome you to TTL - i hope you find this place may help you.

BRANDYSNAP

crimson · 09-15-2009, 01:07 PM

being a man starts in your heart, ever here of a southern gentlemen most women like them, they open doors and care for there woman i would research this and westerns can give you some idea, i had a dad he never told me one thing, so i learned else where, women can show you it is possible as my girls shows me how to be the man she needs, i ask women what they want and see about being that, i'm always changing always becoming a better man, that is a man and a woman stands at his side, not in front or behind but beside. there are guy movies, if i were you i would ask my heart who i am and what is a man, then go search for your answer, that is the first step, goodluck, and don't miss out on that kiss any longer, being with a woman is great but you have to be into her not just out to cut your teeth on her. patients

hydiidepressio · 09-15-2009, 02:14 PM

Hello showroomdumies, welcome to TTL

Sorry you were made to watch so much oprah.

My son only sore his father twice in his life but i always told my son that his father loved him and that it was just us parents that didnt get along. It wasnt till my son was 15 that he learnt the truth, his father was a MUNGRAL. im glad i kept it from him as my son was so different than his father and treated people with respect and politness.

Crystaltears · 09-15-2009, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by showroomdummies

My mother's way of teaching me to be a man was to force me to watch Oprah Winfrey and tell me all about how my dad was a drunk gamer and that is why she divorced him. And so I was given the riot act of being a man in several acts: Men abuse women. Men cheat on women. Men are bad people and women are strong. Men do a lot of bad things and women are the victims, but never a good thing about how men can be exceptional.

Thanks a lot, Oprah.

(By the way, this doesn't mean I hate women. Quite the opposite. I find it easier to talk to them. I just don't want to.)

This manner of thinking warped me permanently through my childhood. I didn't participate in sports. I was often called a 'fag'. I was afraid to be myself as I knew myself because it wasn't considered normal and all I had to offer was niceness, and I felt strange being this way around women.

I had friends once. They eventually 'divorced' me and hung out with a bully of mine once I had. A lot of pettiness and anger arose in me.

I went through high school as the loneliest, most confused, anxious pervert on Earth. I just stayed inside and read books and looked at internet porn while my family slept.

Now I'm in my early twenties, and I'm constantly judged by having never kissed a girl, having never had a girlfriend, having never had a beer until I was 22, doomed to be a permavirgin by the world around me.

Being a hermit isn't so bad. For one thing, you never have to talk to people. You never have to listen to their banal conversations or their stupid, warped philosophies. You can just walk away and lose nothing.

First of all, those #!%^& I wanna knock the ^&*#!# outta them! They left you for a bully!? (Sorry I have zero tolerance for that kind of behavior) You are SO better off without friends like those! Second I am in my twenties, a virgin only kissed onced, never smoked, never drank,ect..
There's nothing wrong with it. And third you wont be a virgin forever, trust me SMART girls know that nice guys are the diamonds. Being a man does not mean having sex being all "manly"-it's your dignity and who you are-and how you treat women(lol). And you sound like one hell of a decent man to me! Oh and btw I have issues with men in general so take that as a major complement

.
And highschool was hell for me too, and for many people here as well-and guess what? We're all real people with real problems. We're not freaks, we're normal decent human beings- as are you.
Oh yes and I am a hermit as well lol. And yes in a sense it can be very nice :D.
As for the Oprah thing that's kinda what we angry semi sexist women do when we have been hurt by jerk men, I'm sorry you never saw the side of us that appreciates a REAL man who is gentle, kind, a good father ect.. oh yea and of course there is the side where men are vicitms too- there are $#%& women out there believe me
As for sports-pshh!
Sports don't make a man. They are just games-games some people take too far. nothing wrong with being a sports fan but when people start fist fights over football teams-that's going a bit too far. As is thinking you have to play sports to be a man.
My point is you sound like a very decent guy to me and I wish there were more guys like you out there. Any girl would be lucky to have you! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

showroomdummies · 09-15-2009, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crimson

ever here of a southern gentlemen most women like them, they open doors and care for there woman i would research this and westerns can give you some idea,

Intriguing, but the concept is a little outdated for this day and age. Treating women nicely never goes out of style, of course, but I am talking about the form in this case. How can one accomplish a modern Southern gentleman?

Crystaltears · 09-15-2009, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by showroomdummies

Intriguing, but the concept is a little outdated for this day and age. Treating women nicely never goes out of style, of course, but I am talking about the form in this case. How can one accomplish a modern Southern gentleman?

Erm well I can tell you what to NOT do don't copy how southern guys act today n.n;;. The southern lady and southern gentlemen thing is a bit rare to find these days unfortuneatly-at least where I grew up :(. Crimson tell me where these southern gentlemen still live cause they ain't in Tennessee no more!! :,(.
Showroomdummies,sounds to me though like you're already a gentlemen yourself honestly. Don't change who you are for another person. They should like you as you.

crimson · 09-15-2009, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by showroomdummies

Intriguing, but the concept is a little outdated for this day and age. Treating women nicely never goes out of style, of course, but I am talking about the form in this case. How can one accomplish a modern Southern gentleman?

well it is a myth that it is out of date, women love this, come on women back me up here, you like the doors open for you your chair pulled out, the man letting you order first and paying for everything.

this is why women like guys from the south and why other men not from the south hate them, because we make them look bad and lazy and there woman is always looking at us,

mousey says pretty woman is a good movie to watch, westerns are always good, also the note book great one, watch the movies that women love, they love the men in those movies, study them and be them but i would warn you here in brace it with your heart and be sincere or else don't use it, take what fits you and don't use it to get women into bed, they will see through you and even if you do it starts a whole nother mess and you are then seen as a player and you don't want that. just find what you love about women spend some time thinking about it.

it may sound funny but i would start with porn and change the way you see women, look at just women pictures not in sex acts, see there beauty, the curves the shape, this will change how you see women, you may look at them as sex objects because watching porn dends to do that you have to change that and start at the source, playboy takes very artful pictures of women, even if some women hate the whole nude thing, it is revant and then after you have done that lose the looks let go look at the woman what makes a woman a woman it's not her beauty at all, when you see that you are ready, then go out and make all women friends as many as you can make, then you will find your love, you got to think do you want to be a ladies man or a mans man, me i'm a ladies man, and i wouldn't have it any other way. i can talk the talk to men but i am a ladies man, a mans man has a woman usally but they spend more times with the boys than her, the way you were raised sounds like your a ladies man, so be that go with it and when people fuck with you for having so many women friends say, eh , i'm a ladies man and i would rather be suround by women than men. good luck

Crystaltears · 09-15-2009, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crimson

well it is a myth that it is out of date, women love this, come on women back me up here, you like the doors open for you your chair pulled out, the man letting you order first and paying for everything.

hell ya!!!!

Crims, where in the south are you from?

crimson · 09-15-2009, 03:34 PM

well i lived in the south for 7 years, it is something i picked up oh yeah and i listen to country music and that is all about treating a woman right. women are strong and can stand up for them selves but they still like to be treated like a woman.