BrutalTruth20

So, I've been arguing with myself over and over about whether or not I'm jealous of a very good friend of mine, who seems to have found the girl of his dreams, and I don't know why it took me so long, but I finally came to the conclusion that; yes, I am. To the core. Now I'm not one to be egomaniacal but a colleague of mine just recently said to me "Why is she with that piece of shit instead of you," and he went on this stupid speech on why she'd be better off with me instead of him. I think that pushed me over the edge. I've been friends with this guy for a long time and probably will be for a while, but that doesn't stop me from saying, he's incredibly burnt out. A recovering addict who is unemployed (he has never in his life had one job), on welfare, with no diploma manages to find love. I have busted my balls at work every week and for several years now, I have had no one to welcome me back but my two dogs. See, I'm starting to sound like a fucking egomaniac here, but it's just not like me to think like this. Am I losing my fucking mind or what?

autumn11

it's actually pretty good that you realised this, I guess now it's something you can talk about, think about and naming it probably helps it disappear.

you're probably right in the sense that you've got a lot to offer a girl, but maybe this guy has other qualities that she needs. i mean, if you consider a pairing to be trying to balance one's qualities with another's, then maybe they've both just found a match. I know a few couples where one is a bit of a bum/slacker, and the other is wayy over-motivated and an overachiever, they need each other to balance out. makes sense when you think about it.

all I can say is it's great that you've got stability, and good things going for you, that's who you are. now you just gotta roll with the punches and wait til that lady comes around.. maybe she's a bit wild (and fun!!) and needs a more stable guy to balance her out, maybe she's also pretty stable and wants to start a family.. who knows.. I guarantee that when she does, you'll wonder why you ever were jealous.

how much do you work? perhaps you are spending too much time at the office and not enough meeting people in hobbies etc?

LordAdonis

Hello BrutalTruth. Stories like yours, and my continuing suffering reinforce my suspicion that fate and destiny are very real, everpresent and damaging forces. If you are correct about this friend of yours, then you are right- you are the one who deserves the woman. I am the same, I have worked hard, striven for ethical and proffessional excellence, and by the GOD DAMNED SWEAT OFF MY BROW, I DESERVE, nay, DEMAND a reward- I am GOD DAMNED ENTITLED to friends, a woman and happiness. If the world will not give me that which I earn through my labours, then I shall hurt as much of the world as I can before ear splitting sorrow causes me to explode!

autumn11

i disagree, nobody is entitled to anything. life's a bitch. good people suffer and bad people prosper. the only "reward" one gets is when other people recognise virtue, which, if I have any faith in humanity, does happen.


btw Brutaltruth: when I said "that lady", I didn't mean the lady in your post. I meant another lady, one who'll recognising your qualities as something to be admired and who will be attracted to that.. hang in there.

LordAdonis

You see, this kind of mindset is part of the problem. What we need as a species is a kind of paradigm shift, a whole new revolutionary way of thinking. The only sane way to run things is to have each individual's efforts, labours and otherwise monitored and judged and to have 'happiness' meeted out accordingly, from some common stock as it were. The bad only prosper, as you put it because society values these people, and their confidence- those DAMNED RAPPERS, HIP HOP TYPES, DRUG DEALERS, GANGSTERS and the LIKE. If I had my way, I would clean the streets of them with my trusty kalashnikov, and make the world a fit place for decent people such as myself to live in, and not be judged as being 'ugly', 'odd' or 'behind the times'. I say again, my efforts make me entitled- for what other reason is there to strive?

BrutalTruth20

Goddamn, I thought MY view on the topic was extreme.

@ autumn: I may be employed but I could easily say never have I felt that I had any stability in my life. I'm hardly 21, I work in food service, and come to think of it, since I'm also a college dropout, so I might be just as much of a burden to any woman as my friend may be to her. Based on my current situation, I've come to the conclusion that I dont deserve to be loved any more than he does. I simply envy him because as grateful as I am for everything that I do have, I still find that there's something missing. I feel like I shouldve filled that void a long time ago. Maybe I never wouldve dropped out of college in the first place.

autumn11

Wow.. there are a few infamous people in recent history that your tirade could have straight from the mouths of. The human race isn't perfect, and it NEVER will be. Unfortunately, the flaws seem to be something inherent in us, and the same attitude you have here (contempt for your fellow humans), is the same attitude that makes "these people" that you refer to so "successful" in their quest for power. I'm presuming that you don't live in a favela in Brazil, or in a ghetto somewhere in the US, so you don't have to associate with people like that. Count yourself fortunate.

Your efforts make you entitled to being a virtuous person. Maybe that means nothing to society, maybe it means something to some. You have the choice to be otherwise, but would you really want to live the way these people do? It sucks that power and reward is often linked to subjugation of others, but that's the way it works. Those of us who shun that lifestyle have to be content that trying to be good is its own reward, not because of anything else. Call me idealistic, but for what other reason is there to strive?

Brutaltruth: Well, if your friend can find love, then why can't you? It's not only the rich and powerful who manage to find partners, there is some hope for the rest of us! Go back to college if it'll make you who you want to be. I can highly recommend it, it's a great way to meet people and learn about things you are interested in. Just make sure you go because it's something you want to do, not because it's something you HAVE to do (unless that'll lead you to a place where you can do what you want). Best..

BrutalTruth20

I try to tell myself that every day. Only problem is I don't know what it is that I want to get out of college. Not to mention, I also have my hands tied with a band, which was just one of several factors that led to my dropping out. Not because it was a lucrative oppurtunity, (in fact its far from it), but I enjoyed performing music much more than simply engineering it, which was what I originally went to college for. I think I will go back eventually, I'm just uncertain of when, and what for. When I realized I decided to go to college for the wrong reasons (like you said, because I felt like I had to) I had my worst depressive episode in years. I could not focus on anything that I had made a commitment to studying the previous year. First semester was fine, but the second one was the first wake up call I got. Just before the third semester ended I was so fed up with stress hitting me from so many different angles that I decided I either had to quit my job, quit the band, or take some time off from college. I chose the latter. Didnt bother to show up for any of my finals.

What does any of that have to do with me and my shit luck with relationships (or lack thereof)? Probably jack shit, but its bad enough not having anybody to talk to about it. Lets just say my family is probably the last group of people I want to talk to about that kind of stuff anymore, cause they jumped right down my throat with this "go see a counselor" or "talk to your psychiatrist about increasing the dosage with some of your meds" and all that bullshit.

That being said finding love isnt exactly number 1 on my to do list but its up there somewhere. I normally dont worry about it much at all, but its amazing how what someone else says can breifly change the way you think about yourself and other people. Sometimes dangerously so.

lizzy

hey man
u seam to be "better" than that guy (ur friend by the way ) but yet are friends with him and not some guy that resembles urself!!
u chose him to be ur friend and no wonder that girl chose him too....the guy has smth....

also (just saying this coz i think u have some illusions) u say he is worse than u and that u are all good and stuff but look how u are acting now - ur friend has a girl and u think and he is not worh it (so u dont believe in him??) and maybe would even want to be on his place (even worse) ....this qualifies u not very well

and also u do all this stuff to be good and yet u dont get the girl - well maybe u are not as smart/wise/perfect as ur ego wants u to believe

i am not saying this to insult u at all. but ppl's egos bother them understanding things in life
dont persist - if life is like this it means maybe u are missing still smth....learn, be open, learn from that guy. But be modest and dont let ur ego tell u lies....

plus noone told u to "deserve" love, u might have thought its like this but u could be wrong....noone asked u to get these jobs, etc and noone forced u to do that so dont treat it as smth for which u must be rewarded

i am not saying to give it all up, its very good, but u gotta have sense of self worth even without it too and then u will be truly brave and free and ppl could admire u in some way
and now u turn into a coward when u are put to the test and think bad things of ur friend (that he doesnt desrve her, etc)

please dont be mad
i hope u wont
be free and the world will be urs

lizzy

Lordadonis

NOONE ASKED U TO DO ALL THIS NOR PROMISED U ANYTHING
u live and live like u chose to so stop blaming evryone
and

GIRLS ARE NOT REWARDS

u guys dont get it((((((((