She ruined my life then left

Ravi · 07-06-2010, 10:49 PM

I have loved this girl for almost 5 years since high school and we were only together for 2 years during which she told me she had cancer and was ill that tore my life apart and I was devestated this got me a
very protective over her meanwhile my family was falling apart my parents were going through a divorce but I didn't want her knowing my problems and that I was under stress because I wanted to be strong for her I was then busy for a week where she managed to dump me and find a new boyfriend someone who I knew and I hated him. My life fell apart I found out she got with him and lied about having cancer so I ended up smoking myself to sleep everynight I spent all the money I had on drugs and then a week later a friend decieded to drag me to a club where her boyfriend was her boyfriend and all of his friends just wanted to start fighting with me talking so dirty about her and I told her but she just kept saying if you touch him I'll never speak to you again so I didn't but still she didn't care. Drugged up and drunk that night I drank as much bleach as I could take down And it hurt, all I could think of was I can't wait to die but ended up in hospital intensive care. I even tried to ringher from the hospital but she told me she couldn't talk and I didn't hear from her in 2 years 1 of which I spent being mentally unstable having nightmares breakdowns selfhate I even had an imaginary friend who was dead but spoke to me I spent a year getting my head back together and trying to be normal 2 years went by and I bumpped into her at a club and she looked as beautiful than ever but she just ignored me so I talked to a few girls but all I could think about was her and just got drunk ended up sitting around by myself and then she came. We talked for a while and she had stopped drinking she seemed like the girl when I first met her but then everything started coming back about how she hurt me so I went to the bar and ended up buying myself the expensivest champange bottle in the club £500 just left my bank account because I thought I had to impress her and make her jelouse that I'm moving on but I got wrecked she she took care of me all night... Since then she had been the girl I fell in love with and we started talking alot I told her what happened to me after she left and she seemed sympathetic but that is not what I wanted I wantedto see if she cared I thought she did so I spent all my time and money on her trying to win her back it seemed like it worked after we sleeped with each other a few time... It was all going well but then once again family got in the way mum ended up in hospital after I had an arguement with my dad and her high blood pressure gave in and she collapsed so my family are still hating me thinking I'm an attention seeking druggie when I only smoke some weed after a long day at work or a stressful day and then the girl that I love told me she had a boyfriend I stopped speaking to her and back into depression until today I found out she is dating one of my friends who I never got along with, I feel so humiliated ashamed pathetic and useless I have no one to talk to which is why I have to use the internet and the doctor is taking too long with blood tests before I get any medication I really want to just hang myself of my balcony I been thinking about it for 2weeks but just smoke some weed and talk myself out of it becuase I don't want to die I want to grow up and have a family I'm only 19 I still want to buy a Nissan skyline I got a whole life ahead of me but I feel it's the only way to stop this pain way things are going for me I'll have no money no job nothing at all because this is dragging me down so muchi just want help and someone to sound like they care I don't want to be alone..

TooMuch · 07-07-2010, 03:46 AM

Honey, you break my heart! I wish I had a man that loved me half as much as you love this girl. I'd be very happy, woman. LOVE HURTS. That's for sure.

They say the best revenge is to live well, isn't it? I think that's the way it's said. Live well. Do well with your life. Please stop all the self hate and move on as best as you can. Stop the drugs, the alcohol, get your life back on track, go to school, get a job and buy that car that you want for yourself. At 19 you have so much to look forward too, you're just starting out. It should be an exciting time for you.

Maybe it's time to get away for awhile and go on vacation. Take a break or something, so you don't have the constant reminder of her around. But you have to move on in some way. I just think it would be nice if you got away for awhile or so you can get a fresh start. Just an idea.

Brandon86 · 07-07-2010, 05:43 AM

I know you love her but she sounds like the most selfish girl I've ever heard of. She doesn't deserve you. Move on and don't worry about winning her back or making her jealous.

Ravi · 07-07-2010, 06:45 AM

I have tried to just move on and convince myself I don't need her it worked for a while where I'd force myself to smile when I feel down and I start singing out loud in my head which takes my mind of it sometimes but now I'm just at the point where is my life worth it? Will it get better? I'm need doctors to help me but even they just want to take their time i tried to speak to last night and now I don't know what to do she just told me she has moved on and she is much happier and she don't want me dragging her life down. That hurt so much because what about me? When I stayed by her when she told me she had cancer my whole life felt numb I thought to myself if she goes I'd have to go too. I really appreciate you guys giving me advice and listening. My problems so stupid because I really hate her I can't stand the way she talks to me like I'm actually a phyco but I'm not even like that anymore. I taught myself since I lost my mind that I gotta keep my problems to myself and I don't tell anyone anything I just can't. A friend told me to open up to her but I can't I don't know what to say but then you get roshni (which is the girl I love btw) she was the only person I could tell me problems too but recently I've had the worst turn down I tried speaking to her when I was stressed and angry but stayed normal when I text her I just wanted someone to talk to and she litrally replied with " go and talk to someone else I don't know what to say" so can someone please just make it clear to me she hates me because my heart still got a glimore of hope for her. I still think she can change back to what se was the day I met her it's just getting that side back out of her. But she is happy now with my friend and she don't want me bringing her down, I got no one to pull me up so what do I do? Is there a reason to live? My future looks dim and if it were to plan out well I'd be dead so it wouldn't matter... I stop dragging her down my family can be happy in peace and I can finally stop hurting. Is there a point in life at all? The only thing that makes me
feel loved can't even talk to me because it's my dog I tried talking to him but it's hard when the only response you get is a bark. Please show me I'm wrong about everything.

TooMuch · 07-07-2010, 12:28 PM

Okay you love a girl that lied to you about having cancer? So she's manipulative and a liar? You deserve someone better than that. Do you think maybe you fell in love with her so much, because she said she had manipulated you about the cancer? You've spent so much time on this one girl, why haven't you given someone else a chance? Even if it's just dating. It's easier for her because she has already moved on. Why can't you move on too? I know you can't help your heart. But I would like to see you concentrate on other areas of your life right now. The things you do have control of or can make changes with.

Ravi · 07-07-2010, 08:11 PM

I don't know why I can't move on I have tried dating but I just can't feel anything for her everytime I'm with a girl I just think she's not her. They are all even better looking, sweet and nice to me. But there was just something about her. Today has been a bit better for me, I have found a slight advantage of this situation because I can spend time exercising imhoping that by the time she gets out of my head and I move on hopefully with a sixpack and alot more muscle also have got a job interview so when I do see her again I want her to feel as if she missed out as I'm with a girl that makes me alot happier... Kinda realised I can't get anywhere just dwelling over a stupid girl who is a bitch and not even very good looking. Weed helps me alot I'm high right now and have been all day but it helps me in the day. I'm gunna just use that method until I can cut down and stop when I can get on with my life again... I really appreciate your help you don't realise how much you help me.

TooMuch · 07-08-2010, 03:54 AM

Like your plans so far they sound really good. I Like exercising, I always feel my best when I'm at the gym! Just takes your mind off of things and it's always good to be in shape. Glad to hear you have an interview coming up also. So you can buy that car you want. Let us know how it goes with the interview. I think you have alot to offer, you just need to find the right girl to be with.

Ravi · 07-08-2010, 10:38 AM

Someone told me to use every situation to your advantage it's hard to do that because I'm feeling so down but I'm trying to channel all my negative energy away. I joined a mixed martial arts group today and start trainning tomorrow. I'm hoping that's when I can get rid of my anger and fustration. I'm trying to concentrate on other things than her. Took my dog out for a swim in the river, although I went by myself I had time to think it made me feel alot better. I also managed to fix my car finally and worked out until I couldn't lift my arms anymore and it's only half a day gone!!! Advice to anyone who felt like I did is don't feel sorry for yourself itwont get you anywhere or it won't get her back get on with your life and use your pain to do well. I use it to exercise others can use it to motivate anything you do he/she will be hurt more to see you no longer care about her and are concentrating on other things than just being a train wreck trying to get her back... This is only a theory because it's harder than it seems I'm still full of pain even tho I'm trying to move on but you won't know the outcome unless you try... So I'm trying, if it don't work I'll still be better off I would have gainned rather than lost by sitting at home doing nothing.

TooMuch · 07-08-2010, 02:04 PM

Believe me I know you're still in pain. I don't know how to help you with you heart other than to tell you the best thing to do is to move on. I also agree with turning a Negative into a Positive. Keep exercising, going to martial arts, and find a job for yourself, these are all positive things and should get yourself going into a postive direction. Your heart will take time to heal. The older I get the more I realize we should be more careful on who we let into our lives. But I do like the direction you're going in. Let us know how things are going for you.

darrencolliver · 08-15-2010, 03:41 PM

please please stop smoking weed, it makes it worse and i lost my head from it please