PsiPunk

I can find almost any woman physically attractive. There are qualities about a woman that can always be beautiful. Her hair, her eyes, her smell, her smile, her lips... not necessarily the most obvious things like boobs or butt or whatever. Just the eyes can be a killer for me. If a girl has pretty eyes I'm sold. I mean, I see a lot of pretty girls at the gym everyday with super-lean, toned bodies. But, I mean, that's not what attracts me to them. My idea of attractiveness is rather different. I mean, sure... a super-lean, toned body is pretty in the conventional sense. But, I'm an unconventional guy when it comes to that. I'm drawn to the "cute" looking girls that have a natural beauty not the type who uses makeup to become pretty.

The emotional aspect is 10x more important than the looks, though. Emotionally I'm looking for something so much deeper. That's ultimately what's important, so it boils down to their personality and such. Someone mentioned on here earlier that they like "quirky" girls and I have to totally agree. I love a girl who has her own thing that she enjoys and is happy doing. She likes to share those ideas with me and I can comment on how badass she may be at whatever it is she does, because in my eyes she IS the best. That's how I think. In the end, feeling included in someone's passions is what makes them sexy in my mind.

I want that sweet romance. No one believes much in that anymore, men or women, so I've been feeling rather unfulfilled for a long time. Not that I mind. I will stay with someone even if they are not romantic. I just can't find that deeper level of love that I really want.

I like spontaneous things in life and simple acts of affection. Those are the sexiest things you can do for a person. Make them something special to eat that you've been working on, show them a certain place you loved as a child, write them loveletters and leave them in their pocket so they find them later, give them things that have actual emotional value rather than something you picked up at the store such as a childhood toy or the ticket stub to the first movie you saw as a couple.... that kind of shit puts me in the mood in like 2 seconds damned how they rate on the "hotness" scale lolol.

luckycharm

I rarely find myself attracted. I like the strange and "geeky" girls. I like exploring their inner selves and personalities. Doing the same things we like and sharing each others' thoughts and trying fulfil our dreams. Neither I have met such a girl nor done that so I dont know if I am quite sure of myself.

Sataria

Luckycharm: I like the strange and "geeky" guys, so I can understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I wonder if the reason Im never attracted to anyone and dont get what I want out of relationships is because my expectations are too high. What do you think? can you relate to this?

PsiPunk: You're a true romantic. Unfortunately I think that its a dying breed. :-P There are so many girls out there who find what you are saying so incredibly sexy. :)

*sigh*. If I could make myself physically/sexually attracted to this guy I would fall head over heels for him. Its unusual I think to like someone so much emotionally, but to feel exactly the opposite physically. I mean, he isn't UGLY or anything like that by society's stupid standards anyway, even if what people thought of me and him did actually matter to me.
I just cant work myself out. Attracted emotionally but repulsed physically. Anyone had that particular mix before? lol.

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Delta: Our paths wind as does our direction. Light shines upon us - we hit pockets of bleak darkness. we come out with new eyes, yet still undefined in terms of whole meaning. How exciting it is to live, love, learn and grow.

510178

I don't get out much anymore and it's even rarer that I find a woman I'm all that attracted to.

I find nerdy girls pretty sexy. I like crazy ones as well. It's probably because I'm kind of nerdy and crazy. I can act normal enough to attract women in the rare occasion I'm actually in contact with one. Oh yeah, I'm just your typical, nice, funny, cool guy. ;)

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Loyalty is for slaves and dogs.

Blue Girl

maybe u are just seeing him in a non-sexual way. that's happened to me before, with the 2 real loves in my life (an ex i really loved and my now-husband). in both of those cases, something happened that made me start considering them sexually. with my husband, it was a dream that he kissed me, and with the ex i had started it by kissing him, LOL. but i hadn't been very attracted physically when i started dating either of them.

Endless Whinging

Well, as has been discussed, there is attraction and there is desire and there is love.

Physical attraction, a spark of interest? I'm so lonely I tend to check out every woman I meet. Strangers I'm passing on the street that I see from the car from a distance. Just a flash of something and I'll do the head-snap to look closer. If, after I do, I find them attactive, I'll have an entire fantasy life built around them in seconds. I don't think this is what you are asking about, but I mention it because I think there has to be something there that causes you to notice them in the first place. In my case I'm so lonely that it's messed up as I tend to notice everyone.

Desire is common for me, and can be incited by almost any woman and some men. It's a trivial thing to me, as it is so common. And because it's, by itself, not on the level I want to interact with people. It is more about me than about them, or us. Objectification plays a role here. Like I could find a woman attractive, and desire her, and (in the past) find that reciprocated and end up in bed with her praying she doesn't speak because I don't actually like her and if she does speak it will force me to acknowledge that there is a person here with me, not just a fuck doll, and an annoying one at that. Or put me in a mode where I have to like, train, or fix, my less than perfect broken fuck doll that opens it's mouth at inappropriate moments, or find a better one. Not what I want in my life. Only reinforces the lonliness. Not to mention it's mean. I can masturbate without hurting anyone else.

Love is elusive, and difficult for me to maintain once I find it. And I'm easily fooled atm because, again, the lonliness. And it comes only after long time spent together. There is infatuation/crush, which I think we've all done and feels wonderful, especially when it is reciprocated, but while it is wonderful and overwhelming it tends to slip through my fingers after a short while. Love is more quiet, and grows slowly, but is stronger and deeper.

Desire is so common for me I don't worry that it won't happen with someone I love. If the love is there, we'll work it out. Though oddly enough for it to work for me there must be attraction. There just has to be a spark. I think for me that that is first pretty purely physical, pretty purely how the person looks and holds themselves and moves and laughs and speaks. Later it is still partly that, but it becomes about the person as well, for example a piece of body language that once was just sexy becomes more in a later context when I know the person and they know me and there is love, and it's done deliberately, playfully, knowingly. Or even later, when it is deeper, and something is just so characteristically 'her' that is just brings a flood of love welling up.

So, if I understand your question, it's common, but the part of it, the context of it I value, is not common. For me that attraction has to be there from the start, the rest may come, and sadly may go. I'm still very attacted to my ex, and the desire is still there, but it fills me with sadness to see her and especially to feel attaction and desire when I do, because the love is just gone.

luckycharm

But I almost never find myself sexually attracted. If I find myself "mentally" attracted. If the girl feels the same it leads to a close connection. This is the part where desire for each other finds place.

bizzykizzy

like physically attracted?
idk... not a lot... seriously, i can think of one guy who i currently find hot.

but i'm pretty much asexual, and if i really dig someone's mind then... i guess i find them hot.

i mean, i tend to refer to nietzche as sexy.



but i'm just bizzarre.

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"I shambled after as usual as I have been doing all my life after people that interest me, because the only people that interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing.. but burn, burn, burn like roman candles across the night."

Sataria

LOL
Yeah, Nietszche is pretty hot- maybe its the whole dark, cynical, brooding quality he has. Some girls really go for that :-P

Luckycharm: I think I feel the same way as you...maybe if I do get along with someone well I should just go with it and see if that emotional connection leads to the physical. Its so rare to be attracted to someone immediately.

EW: I think what you describe is more common. But from the sounds of it right now you are attracted to a number of people, whereas for me its so rare to find physical/sexual attraction. Let alone emotional and physical attraction simultaneously. Its a different kettle of fish when you are only physically attracted occasionally, and to dickheads you would never consider being with.

Still, I think its pretty abnormal to date someone you have no physical attraction to, whatsoever. My gut instinct is telling me that there is no way this will work out- but idk. I think Ill also regret it if I dont at leats give it a chance.

__________________
Delta: Our paths wind as does our direction. Light shines upon us - we hit pockets of bleak darkness. we come out with new eyes, yet still undefined in terms of whole meaning. How exciting it is to live, love, learn and grow.

PsiPunk

Yes, romantics are a dying breed. I admit that I've gotten plenty frustrated in my last relationship with this girl who really didn't appreciate anything romantic. I tried all sorts of things to impress her. I would prepare bubble baths for her while she was on her way home from work, give her massages, clean and detail her car when ever she had to take a roadtrip to see her family, cook her dinner when she wanted, get up extra early to drive her to work if she didn't feel like going and then pick her up, drop off flowers at her office, surprise her for lunch... uuuuhh... so much stuff I can't remember now.

Some things are lost on people, I don't know. I guess its a good thing she moved away and it didn't work out, because I hated feeling like I wasn't appreciated.

Back on topic, though, I still feel that physical attraction is a very important aspect of a successful relationship. Someone can be awesome to you, but if you don't have that initial physical attraction it will be more difficult for you to maintain the relationship. Since physical attraction is usually attached to sexual stuff (which I think sexual affection is also very important), you might make the other person feel inadequate or unnattractive unintentionally and that can hurt their feelings specially if they really like you. I would give it some serious thought and perhaps let them know that they just are not the one for you as early as possible so they're not hurt or surprised. =/