Porcelain-Shadow

This will be quick, but important.

A few months ago he cheated on me with his ex, now he says he doesn't trust himself to drink anymore because he doesn't know if this will happen again.

I thought I trusted him before he said that. Now I don't know.

Should I be happy he's keeping himself away from the drink, or should I be worried that when he does get back to it, it'll be ten times worse?

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♥I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.♥

She is in a freefall
of the harshest colour.
Pouring her heart out out
to a page, she lays
her soul on
the dotted line.

- Porcelain-Shadow.

Patienc3

Drinking alcohol blurs your judgment a little. But, you're not going to do something opposed to your system. So...you wouldn't kill someone while drunk if you wouldn't do it normally.

He cheated on you. That's pretty hardcore stupid. I personally wouldn't trust him after that. There has to be concrete proof he won't do it again. No excuses or worries about the "alcohol". It's a drink, not some magical substance that turns you into a different person. You are who you are and no drink changes that.

He could just have another drink and then say he's so sorry he cheated on you with his ex again. It could happen another ten times and it's all the drink's fault. Really? It's a drink's fault? He has to take responsibility for his actions. He is not friggin' 8 years old where he doesn't know right from wrong.

Can you honestly subject yourself to this? He could be taking advantage of your forgiving, trusting nature. Who knows? He could be a scumbag in disguise. NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING.

He knows himself best. If he doesn't trust himself, then why should you trust him? He REALLY has to demonstrate shame for his actions and a strong willingness to make things right. This will be a ton of work for him and you too. If he really cares about you, then he will make it apparent that he is trying to patch up his mistakes. If not, then it will crumble apart fast because he can't build up the trust again. Give him a shot but he really has to atone for his actions.

XXC

I agree with what patienc3 is saying here. Alcohol definantly doesnt cause cheating. And you cant blame that kinda thing on a substance. Not to mention its just bad judgement for him to drink with his ex, which makes me wonder if he in some way planned it or wanted it to happen

Operator

Yeah, the alcohol didn't cheat on you, he did. Sound like good old fashioned excusery to me.

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Porcelain-Shadow

Please understand when I say I know exactly what you mean. I told him a thousand times that alcohol is not an excuse. However, I must say that since then he has barely spoken to the girl, completely ending all contact with her in late march. He has had no contact with her since (He showed me his phone, facebook, emails, etc) and even told me that he saw her out last week, when he'd gone out drinking with the boys, and just found it utterly awkward and walked away after a quick hello.

We're quite happy at the moment, he even went through all the photos on his laptop with me and showed me how he deleted every single one of her, because he just doesn't care about her anymore (he emptied his recycling bin afterwards to make sure they were completely gone)

I'm really happy with him right now, I guess that little comment just made me flinch a little.

xxx

__________________
♥I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.♥

She is in a freefall
of the harshest colour.
Pouring her heart out out
to a page, she lays
her soul on
the dotted line.

- Porcelain-Shadow.

rememberthegirl

Porcelain is this the same guy that you told us about awhile ago, who cheated on you? He doesn't sound like very good relationship material and he keeps on hurting you and doing things that aren't acceptable for a relationship. If he is afraid of screwing up from drinking, then he shouldn't drink it's as simple as that. Although it's hard, I think you should seriously consider ditching him and finding someone that you can trust and that will treat you like a princess and won't give you any reason to need to worry. But this won't happen until you stop making excuses for him..and when you realise that you do deserve better

__________________
For beauty is always cruel...

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

Jonesy

RTG is right... he cheated on you. You deserve more.

If he has cheated, if he doesn't trust himself, where is his love for you? If I loved someone I sure as hell wouldn't want to cheat.

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If you ever feel like you may be taking life too seriously just remember, we are only talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the Universe.

Porcelain-Shadow

I've asked him exactly what he meant by him not trusting himself, he said this:
"I never thought I would be the one who would cheat on anyone, much less you. I guess it's more that I'm scared that I'll make that mistake again, and I never want to. I want to make it past the year mark. Hell, I want to make it past the 25 year mark."

We broke up for a month in february, and we got back together in late march. We decided to start over and forget the past. We've been amazing ever since. We've had little arguments, but nothing compared to what they were. No problems compared to what we had.

We're like an entirely different couple. We're calmer, happier. I trust him.

My mother told me something: People make mistakes.

If my father hadn't had an affair with my mother, I wouldn't be here. I cheated on my ex to be with Sam (once, and I dumped my ex 2 hours after I slept with Sam).

People make mistakes, it was just a kiss. Surely that's forgivable?

__________________
♥I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.♥

She is in a freefall
of the harshest colour.
Pouring her heart out out
to a page, she lays
her soul on
the dotted line.

- Porcelain-Shadow.

rememberthegirl

It's really up to you whether you forgive him or not. But whether you can actually forgive him and trust him again is another story. Like I said, if you think you can't trust him and are just making up excuses to make his behaviour acceptable...then maybe you need to reevaluate things. But only you know the answer. Whatever happens, I hope that you make the right choice for you and that you don't get hurt again

__________________
For beauty is always cruel...

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

DoubleRainbow

This is just my opinion and I am sorry if it's not what you want to hear. I believe the only reason he is being so nice and showing you how he's gotten rid of her in his life.. he is only doing this because he got caught.
With that said, if he is remorseful and truly applies himself to *never* make that mistake again, and you think you can trust him again, then I guess you should give it a try, why not. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens again though.

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