Found this forum today, on a hard day. Cant express how greatful I am for forums like this, just reading what others are going through makes me understand that there really is a kindness out there.
Some 7 years back I lost the mother of my daugther to suicide and shortly after my daugther from genetic complications. Having gone on without them with her dad for a long time holding me at blame (still does I guess) have been indescribably difficult and I still cant believe Im here today.
Following this after a year or so my Dad died from a heart attack. Still young I had to get away from everything so I packed up My stuff and set off to Japan for a time. Being there taught me the value of hard work and motivation but missing my home I moved back. Well home I met my wife to be and her son. 5 years have passed and I have been wroght by lifes challanges In other ways but have persisted somehow.
Now last year the sister of my daugthers mother toke her own life, being VERY close friends with her This have brought on a constant feeling detatchment from My own feelings in very odd way to me, never having been in a state like this.
So while in this state going on with life, now this march my mother commited suicide, and I feel today as if I am one a rollercoster up on day feeling motivation for dreams, goals and ideas I have and the next day I feel a kind of pressure on my self to be done with it all already but most days I am still in this deattatched state.
What has helped me keep going through most of all of this have been friends over the years. Today all except for my best friend are not around.
Its really feels like I am living some play, encountering loose over and over and over again. Finally today as of this moment I find it hard to motivate myself for anything.
So thats my story, I am really grateful for the fact that a place like this exist even in my gray day.