Over and over again
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Over and over again

This is a discussion on Over and over again within the Lost to Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; Found this forum today, on a hard day. Cant express how greatful I am for forums like this, just reading ...

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Old 07-14-16, 12:25 PM   #1
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Unhappy Over and over again

Found this forum today, on a hard day. Cant express how greatful I am for forums like this, just reading what others are going through makes me understand that there really is a kindness out there.

Some 7 years back I lost the mother of my daugther to suicide and shortly after my daugther from genetic complications. Having gone on without them with her dad for a long time holding me at blame (still does I guess) have been indescribably difficult and I still cant believe Im here today.

Following this after a year or so my Dad died from a heart attack. Still young I had to get away from everything so I packed up My stuff and set off to Japan for a time. Being there taught me the value of hard work and motivation but missing my home I moved back. Well home I met my wife to be and her son. 5 years have passed and I have been wroght by lifes challanges In other ways but have persisted somehow.

Now last year the sister of my daugthers mother toke her own life, being VERY close friends with her This have brought on a constant feeling detatchment from My own feelings in very odd way to me, never having been in a state like this.

So while in this state going on with life, now this march my mother commited suicide, and I feel today as if I am one a rollercoster up on day feeling motivation for dreams, goals and ideas I have and the next day I feel a kind of pressure on my self to be done with it all already but most days I am still in this deattatched state.

What has helped me keep going through most of all of this have been friends over the years. Today all except for my best friend are not around.

Its really feels like I am living some play, encountering loose over and over and over again. Finally today as of this moment I find it hard to motivate myself for anything.


So thats my story, I am really grateful for the fact that a place like this exist even in my gray day.
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Old 07-14-16, 05:02 PM   #2
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oh my poor thing... I cannot even imagine the pain you must be feeling losing all of those dear to you. Ask for what you need here at TTL, and perhaps we can assist in little ways. Take care of yourself.
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Old 07-16-16, 07:06 AM   #3
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Thank you for the kind words. I cant believe that one can feel such overwhelming lonliness even among family. As for many I guess, some days are worst then others. The only thing I guess Im really looking for is someone who listnens without direct judgement and maybe even a hug.
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Old 07-21-16, 02:37 PM   #4
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We listen here... we really do...you just need to tell us what you need...
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Old 11-19-16, 08:27 AM   #5
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i'm really sorry to hear that, but if i didn't confuse something you still have your current wife and her son. those people love you and they want to be loved by you.
hang in there friend
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Old 12-30-16, 07:31 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Tally View Post
i'm really sorry to hear that, but if i didn't confuse something you still have your current wife and her son. those people love you and they want to be loved by you.
hang in there friend
Thank you guys!
Not being all alone in grief sure helps a lot.

Yes but it is a very complicated situation.
Unfaithfulness on her part, me accepting that fact and feeling growing more and more distant from what they were. Only half a year ago she was diagnosed with brain canser too.. like usual, totally out of nowhere.

So here I am trying too keep up with myself, knowing that my choices do matter and that kindness and love do exist.

Some days are worse than others. Usual it just comes down to human connection; a friendly smile, a genuine "are you okay?" Or even a hug. Knowing that it is okay to be who we are even when hope is lost to despair.
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