A fathers suicide.
I was very sorry to read your post. It had caught my attention because I lost my father at the same age. It was almost 20 years ago. I remember him as a good man, so it is hard to figure out why this had to happen. Like you, I had so many questions. Even now in my 30s I still feel like like a lost child sometimes. There is still the why and the feeling of being cheated out a normal life. No one will ever really understand how you feel. No medicine or therapy will ever justify what your father did. I have survived 20 years past my own fathers suicide, but I still wonder why and question my own purpose on this planet. I never blame him though and I never blame myself. The poem you wrote is impressive. I know your are hurting, but evident by your post and poem, you can be a strong and smart individual. Soon you will be older and wiser. In a position to help your mother and siblings more. Enduring this will make you stronger even more. You have a unique perspective now, one you can use to make the lives of people around you better. I wrote a passage to maybe help people understand why this all happens, but it is hardly complete. It does not solve anything, but maybe provides insight to people who may not understand what you, I and many others go through.
"A person is born and ultimately they have two options, to live or die. No one wants to die, but for some or even many, the option of life is also undesirable. We are raised to be successful, to be winners. It is pounded into our heads the potential we have. But, why? Not everyone will be an astronaut or a rockstar or the leader of a country. We as a society are telling these people that if you are not successful, you must be a loser, you are worthless. People need motivation, but not like that. Never blame the people who are depressed. Never blame yourself for losing a loved one in such a way."
It is ok to blame the world, just try not to hate it. Most people have no idea what their impact on others is. It is up to us, the survivors, to inform the world of what we need to do better.
Remember, you are now wiser and stronger. It may not feel like it now, but it is true.
Last edited by Forest; 02-15-16 at 02:38 PM.