First, I am so, so sorry this has happened. You have my deepest condolences.
I want to tell you that you are a very smart person. You joined this site, and you wrote. Writing helps let it all out, and it's very smart of you to have figured that out. Besides that, you're a very good writer. I found that writing was a big key for me during times of loss and hardship. Us humans need to process emotions. That process sucks - it's hard. And it doesn't happen in a neat and steady line of progress, which can be tricky. I think the main thing you can do is to express yourself. Keep writing, whether here or in a private journal, or in letters, poems... it will all help you
Not having answers is so hard. I hope you can eventually find some peace in knowing that you had such a good dad, and that part of him is always with you. It sounds like he taught you and showed you some wonderful things, which you'll always remember and use in life.
You mentioned that it still doesn't feel real, and I totally know what you mean. I think it's our brains way of protecting us from the harsh reality that it can't really accept or process just yet, because it would just be too much
. I have found that it can take years - lots of years - for things like this to start to sink in. It's just the brain's way of coping, so we can somehow continue to function day to day.
I agree with dax's suggestion about talking with a counselor or somebody. It might not be for you, but you could try it and see. I know I always preferred to write instead of speak, it came more easily for me. Whatever works best for you. There are also books and workbooks that might help you work through things, when you're ready. And we're always here
. I hope you'll keep expressing your feelings in whatever way works for you.