hey, i'm glad you went to the councelor, and of course we're here for you!!
good luck with things!

Thank you guys :)

It's a big step that I even did that. I absolutely hate talking about things. I feel that this may have turned into a one time only thing just because I am not always willing to talk. I'm not very good at showing emotion so talking about my problems with people is very hard.

Thank you again for being here for me. It means so much.

i know it's hard talking about your emotions, everybody has that on some level, but i think it's the best way to go through something hard like this.
you don't have to be mega-sensitive and cry your eyes out and do a lot of drama, but if you try to talk about how you're feeling, especially with a councelor or someone who's been through something similar and that can understand what it's like, you will probably feel a lot better.

I'm also glad that you were able to get an appointment. Being able to talk to someone and straight out tell them what's been going on helps a lot. I hope that it helps even more.

Writing journals like Aries said does help. I know you've been writing to your friend and that helps. This may sound foreign to you but have you ever thought about writing a journal to God? I don't know what your beliefs are, but I've listened to friends and family who recently lost to suicide and they (though they have never met any of the others) have been writing/talking to God about their loss. Some of the time they are angry, others sad, other times empty, other times contemplative but I did notice a change in them as they went through this. As if healing began and they were no longer walking around with bleeding, open wounds.

That doesn't substitute for counseling but it seems to be like an extra avenue to help with the grieving process. I know that when grief strikes it's a journey to recovery that everyone deals with differently.

I just don't know if I'll ever recover. I was super depressed before this and now it just feels like, what's the point?

Have you ever read other people's success stories? That's a good place to start.

Your life does have a point to it. It is a lie that there is no point in living. Your friend's life was worth something. While he was alive he changed the world around him, even if it was just his family and his friends. His life had meaning, as does yours.

I think you are just in a slump.
For now, you should try to just live on, waiting till "the point" comes up.
It worked for me.

I too have lost a friend to suicide. I just wanted to share with you the thoughts that kept me going..

Your friend knows how you feel right now and although I didn't know them and don't know you I can tell you 100% that this is a feeling they would not want you to be experiencing. Grieve for your friend but don't allow yourself to get enrolled in the sadness. It is not what they would want for you and your life...


much love and empathy,
C
x

Thank you all. I guess I am in a so-called slump. I miss him so much--all day everyday.

I'm trying to move on, trying to not be sad. I've finally been able to completely convince everyone that I'm getting back to normal. I just don't feel that I am. I want things to just continue as if this never happened. It still seems unreal.

Zoloft helps. It is starting to take the edge off so I can at least get through my day.