Thank You my words were from the heart. Don't ever let anyone make you
feel bad for not dealing with this the way they think you should. You have
a right to grieve any way you feel. I got a few day off work and was
supposed to be back to normal? Sorry doesn't work like that. I was once the funny guy at work everyone loved now I am like the guy nobody wants
to deal with. You are not lazy for feeling this way. Suicide is not a normal
emotion. We are born to fight to survive . When we are faced to deal with
it our brains can't comprehend it because it doesn't make sense. I understand the pain you feel. I also understand that those around you
might be treating you bad for not moving on. This is the general thinking
out there and it's wrong. This hurt is like no other hurt because it never
should happen and those around it are left with unbearable suffering.
The grief group helps so much because they are people just like you
trying to make it through the day. It helps to learn from people who have
been dealing with this. I was lucky when I came here met some really
amazing people that had been through this. They helped save my life.
My suggestion is don't keep what happened a secret. More
often than not people keep this a secret. It is much more common
than people believe. Our only defense is awareness. You will never get
the person back you lost but you can help someone else that is suffering.
If there are suicide walks in your town or other fund raising ideas I say
join them. At least you will have a voice get some power back. Make
your heart a tool for change instead of a lost cause.