Hey all ,
I used to be a member here when i was a teenager , i used to come on here and vent and rant and basically use this site as a punching bag. In my time here i gained friends , lost friends , used friends for attention , even had friends pass on.
But im here today to share my story coming out of that never ending pit of depression and how i got to where i am now.
Im not going to spend to much time typing up my past historys i will just type down what you need to know to realize and understand how bad it was and how far ive come in the last 5 years.
Im currently 23 years old , when i was around 17 years old i started self harming and treating everyone else around me like crap , it was my way of dealing with the real issues subsiding inside me , as the years rotted away with me in-between them , i found myself in and out of jail for hurting myself and others , it got to the point where my girlfriend left me and took my children away from me which at the time was the most responsible thing to do , my self destructive moods where effecting my girlfriend and my daughter to a massive degree. Once they left i was borderline alcoholic i was drinking threw out the day , telling everyone i was going to kill myself running around bars picking fights i was a mess.
It was only till 2 years ago i realized all this stuff about suicide and self harm was just total bull! Id never take my own life never , and i understood this when my girlfriend let me down on new years eve and said i couldn't see my daughter , i was saying to myself just go and do it , i screamed into the pillow! I CANT! , i yelled so loud next door come upstairs to complain once they saw the state of me they walked away and called the police. It was then i realized i was put on this earth to do something greater with myself , it was a moment of clarity i grasped with open arms , i said to myself if im not going to take my own life i may as well piece together the one ive already got and make the best of it.
My personality disorder was something that was diagnosed late in my life , its apparently rare in minors so i was told , the reason for the disorder was the abuse i suffered at the hands my parents both when they was together and after.
Now what have i done to resolve all these issues:
Attended CBT : Cognitive behavioural thearpy
Attended : The complex needs service
Attended : 1 on 1 thearpy sessions
I saw a care coordinator every month who helped me get off my ass and do something with myself.
Ive gone from being in a empty apartment on my own , to living with my 2 children and partner in a happy stable household , im able to cook for my children and partner , theres no fights , self harm has completely stopped , I barely drink unless its to be social. My temper has drastically improved , my emotions are more under control , life as a whole looks good now! I wake up in the morning and think , im going to be taking my kids to school and watch them develop in wonderful human beings , i get to see my girlfriends face every morning when i wake up and go to sleep. Im barely paranoid any-more i can go out of the house when i please.
I think the one thing that will always stick with me is what my care coordinator said ,
'You cant rush yourself into recovery Tony , you will be sat here one day and say fuck it! i want to change'
And that's exactly what happened.
My advice to you all is , i have no advice , you will know when your ready and you will know when you get better , everyone is different you've just got to take the help offered , suck it up and do it!
I know that seems harsh and easier said than done , but thats how i got there and i honestly believed my life was over.
GL All and thanks for reading.
Tired , fed up .
A link there to a post made in 2008! And now look.