I don’t feel pretty anymore

Watersign2090 · 02-27-2010, 11:33 AM

I don’t feel pretty anymore. I used to. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it’s the fact that being pretty at one point got me sexually abused. Maybe it’s the fact that I feel like when people tell me I am pretty I can’t believe them. I hang out with guys all the time. I play wow and video games. I try to take care of myself but every time I try to be intimate with my husband it has to be a joke for the whole 9 min it lasts. I have tried to talk to him about it. He used to be really romantic with me and when we had sex it was different. It lasted longer and we were crazy about each other. Then he started talking to his ex behind my back.. Then we got married. Then he got addicted to porn.. Then I threatened to leave him. Then our sex life died and he couldn’t keep it up for me even during the act. Now 3 months later I am lucky if I get my 9 min more than once every few weeks. He offers but I don’t want our sex life to be a joke. I want passion and romance (I have told him this) I don’t want to force it out of him. I have even tried to do whatever I can but he giggles and says “I like your bagina” It’s a joke just like it was with the man who sexually assaulted me and enjoyed treating me like a little girl. It’s like no one wants me unless I can bend to them and be who they want me to be.
How do I feel pretty when I don’t trust what people are telling me and when my husband treats me kinda like.. I dunno.. Crap?

Dead Radio · 02-27-2010, 12:11 PM

Withhold sex from him and tell him if he doesn't grow up and be a man you will leave him. No one deserves to be treated like that. You are suppose to have respect for your wife. He sounds really immature. Speak up for yourself and don't be a door mat. Giggle at him during sex and let him know how it feels.

TrollMongo · 02-27-2010, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Then he got addicted to porn.

I can pretty much tell you (as a guy myself) that if he is spending an abnormal amount of time looking at porn, it's because he is not getting something he wants/needs from you.
I'm not saying your to blame...he may not have told you or shown you what he wants...but I'd bet he's looking for something your not giving him. Step one is talk to him, ASK him if there is something "special" he'd like...oral, anal, maybe light bondage, what ever. Maybe he'd like you to dress up...role play...shave...or...?
For me, I really love it when Eve dresses up in heels, stockings and a short sexy dress or skirt...she'll do that sometimes just to watch TV, or sometimes we'll cam.
Something I heard at a strip club applies here...The DJ was talking and saying the girls worked for tips only, and we (the customers) should tip generously...he said, "After all, where else are you going to get treated so well, not at home, that's for sure, or you wouldn't be here."

Watersign2090 · 02-27-2010, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrollMongo

I can pretty much tell you (as a guy myself) that if he is spending an abnormal amount of time looking at porn, it's because he is not getting something he wants/needs from you.
I'm not saying your to blame...he may not have told you or shown you what he wants...but I'd bet he's looking for something your not giving him. Step one is talk to him, ASK him if there is something "special" he'd like...oral, anal, maybe light bondage, what ever. Maybe he'd like you to dress up...role play...shave...or...?
For me, I really love it when Eve dresses up in heels, stockings and a short sexy dress or skirt...she'll do that sometimes just to watch TV, or sometimes we'll cam.
Something I heard at a strip club applies here...The DJ was talking and saying the girls worked for tips only, and we (the customers) should tip generously...he said, "After all, where else are you going to get treated so well, not at home, that's for sure, or you wouldn't be here."

There is my Problem TrollMongo. He doest want bondage. He is grossed out by anal. All the porn he wants is blonds with fake tits. When i try to say sexy things in bed he stops. He doest want to be experamental so i dont force him. I tried to ask him what he wants and he wont tell me. Last time I dressed up for him he kept his eyes closed the whole time. I dont think I am pretty but I am not that bad. 5'5" blond hair blue eyes I groom well I weigh in at 133 pounds. I do yoga. I dont have achne or anything. I have an uneven skin tone that bothers me but its not like i am heavy set or anything that guys usually complain about. He left me high and dry valentines day in red crotchless underwear and thighhigh fishnets with a garterbelt in 3 inch heels... he played wow all day and night.

TrollMongo · 02-27-2010, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Watersign2090

There is my Problem TrollMongo. He doest want bondage. He is grossed out by anal. All the porn he wants is blonds with fake tits. When i try to say sexy things in bed he stops. He doest want to be experamental so i dont force him. I tried to ask him what he wants and he wont tell me. Last time I dressed up for him he kept his eyes closed the whole time. I dont think I am pretty but I am not that bad. 5'5" blond hair blue eyes I groom well I weigh in at 133 pounds. I do yoga. I dont have achne or anything. I have an uneven skin tone that bothers me but its not like i am heavy set or anything that guys usually complain about. He left me high and dry valentines day in red crotchless underwear and thighhigh fishnets with a garterbelt in 3 inch heels... he played wow all day and night.

Ok...no guy could ask for more than that. I don't know what to say. Is it possible that the two of you could see a counselor together? There must be something huge bothering him to act the way he did...I assume that's not the only time.
To be honest, most guys would think they hit the lottery to have a wife willing to do what you did.

Watersign2090 · 02-28-2010, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrollMongo

Ok...no guy could ask for more than that. I don't know what to say. Is it possible that the two of you could see a counselor together? There must be something huge bothering him to act the way he did...I assume that's not the only time.
To be honest, most guys would think they hit the lottery to have a wife willing to do what you did.

I discused a counselor and he said he would go but never would. He said we didnt need it he didnt know what the huge deal was. I still want to go to counseling but how can i fix myself with him around me all the time. I am wondering though if i brought this on myself , I just considered some times and I kind of realised that everything shortly started going down hill when I realised that i was sexually abused. Maybe that makes him sick or maybe he had to chaing to deal. think that might be a possibility?

Today · 02-28-2010, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Watersign2090

There is my Problem TrollMongo. He doest want bondage. He is grossed out by anal. All the porn he wants is blonds with fake tits. When i try to say sexy things in bed he stops. He doest want to be experamental so i dont force him. I tried to ask him what he wants and he wont tell me. Last time I dressed up for him he kept his eyes closed the whole time. I dont think I am pretty but I am not that bad. 5'5" blond hair blue eyes I groom well I weigh in at 133 pounds. I do yoga. I dont have achne or anything. I have an uneven skin tone that bothers me but its not like i am heavy set or anything that guys usually complain about. He left me high and dry valentines day in red crotchless underwear and thighhigh fishnets with a garterbelt in 3 inch heels... he played wow all day and night.

OK let me start with pointing out that this is very much his problem and not yours.

The libido is a very annoying thing, especially when two peoples dont match up. It can become very frustrating, especially if one persons is completely non existent, like his appears to be.

There maybe some merit in just removing it completely and making him beg for it, if he is that desperate for it he may be willing to go a lil further. But you take the risk that he may just not be that interested in sex any more.

So you may reach the point where your gonna have to accept that this is the way it is. Its not you, you seem to have a very healthy apatite, his seems to have waned. You may have to ask yourself, is this what you want? cos it may, no matter what you do, not change.

Today · 02-28-2010, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Watersign2090

I discused a counselor and he said he would go but never would. He said we didnt need it he didnt know what the huge deal was. I still want to go to counseling but how can i fix myself with him around me all the time. I am wondering though if i brought this on myself , I just considered some times and I kind of realised that everything shortly started going down hill when I realised that i was sexually abused. Maybe that makes him sick or maybe he had to chaing to deal. think that might be a possibility?

My ex was sexually abused as a child, and though we had to take it into consideration sometimes (certain things acted as triggers) we had a very healthy sex life. Though it may be a possibility that its a bit of information he struggles with, its unfair of him to take it out on you. Have you tried discussing it with him?

TrollMongo · 02-28-2010, 08:54 AM

Quote:

I am wondering though if i brought this on myself , I just considered some times and I kind of realised that everything shortly started going down hill when I realised that i was sexually abused. Maybe that makes him sick or maybe he had to chaing to deal. think that might be a possibility?

No, I don't think you brought it on. If you have tried to talk to him and tried to get him to counseling and he just won't go, I don't see what else you could have done. It may be something simple, but if he won't tell you, you have no way of knowing.
I'm assuming he isn't so old that age would be a factor in his interest or ability to perform.
I think the best thing the two of you can do is see a counselor. Once you find out what the trouble is it should be fixable, but it's hard to fix something when you don't even know what's broken.

Watersign2090 · 02-28-2010, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Today

My ex was sexually abused as a child, and though we had to take it into consideration sometimes (certain things acted as triggers) we had a very healthy sex life. Though it may be a possibility that its a bit of information he struggles with, its unfair of him to take it out on you. Have you tried discussing it with him?

Well he knows about my issue but he doesnt know how it effects me. I will bring it up and he will clam up so I feel like its more of a dont ask dont tell policy between us. I have never gone into great detail about things that bother me or triggers because I dont want him walking on egg shells. I have my bad days and i get emotional and he asks whats wrong I tell him i am dealing with stuff and he just goes right back to wow. No real interest he just doesnt want to hear it.
I dont want to talk about it. I know I have to but i try to keep it in the unreal part of my mind. Talking about it makes it real and then everyone treats me differently like I cant think act or even breath the right way because I am damaged. Makes me sick just to think about
I dont know I dont want to force this on him.