Why do I tend to isolate myself?
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Why do I tend to isolate myself?

This is a discussion on Why do I tend to isolate myself? within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; I dont know why but Im starting to do it? I did this before, I started college at 16, and ...

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Old 01-19-11, 12:02 PM   #1
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Exclamation Why do I tend to isolate myself?

I dont know why but Im starting to do it? I did this before, I started college at 16, and made loads of friends but I didnt hang out with them even though they would always tell me to come out I just didnt feel like it. I just hung out with my best friend. Didnt really realise I was doing it. Just did. It felt like she was sort of the only friendship I needed.

So about 5 months ago I started Uni and I made a bunch of friends, went clubbing all the time drank like crazy. I was like a wild party animal. Over christmas I decided to quit clubbing and drinking. So Im cutting ties. As long as I have my best friend and my fiance I am fine I dont feel like I need anyone else. I have several close friends. I dont get to see them since uni. Im cutting ties with everyone now.

I dont know why I do this. I can make lots of friends really easily.
I just stopped feeling like socialising again. My fiance is abroad though which is hard. I just suddenly feel like I need to be doing things differently from last semester. And I am going to lose contact with lots of good friends ive made. The heartless thing is, I feel like I can drop them quite easily. Weve exchanged personal conversations etc but Im going to start ignoring everyone.

Why do I do this? and how.
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Old 01-21-11, 04:58 AM   #2
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Hi pinkNY
There are many reasons you could feel like isolating..
part of depression is wanting to isolate.. one feels bad and it's hard to have the energy to be with others.
or maybe feel pressured to talk + be someone that you don't feel like being.
sometimes when I'm feeling down and "strongly encouraged" to come to a barbecue with "friends" of varying closeness, I just feel lonely and circle the rooms/outdoors, feeling lonely, not wanting to connect or not wanting them to see how sad/depressed I am.. I tend to lean on particular people with whom I feel safe. If those people are engaged, I just wander from room to room, a shadow of conversations.. it's very tiring, lonely, and I'd really rather not be there..
I find myself to be well-liked (tho I'm not often sure why) but I find it very difficult to create meaningful realtionships. I'm too afraid of trusting, of connecting deeply.
could it be something like that? you're afraid to trust, to make solid connections?
or maybe you feel secure in what friendships you have, like family.. + it's hard to develop new ones?
just some thoughts.
what do you think?
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Old 01-21-11, 06:32 AM   #3
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Sounds like maybe you're trying to find out who YOU are?
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Old 01-21-11, 02:53 PM   #4
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Well I can develop close relationships. I just dont make an effort with them lol, I have friends that tell me, " oh __________, your my best friend" or whatever. I think... really???? I dont know? But for me to say I am close with someone or even best friends! Then I would have to feel reeeeally close, my standards are higher.

I find less attractive people more fun to be with because I find my attractive friends to be rather... like drama queens and sometimes shallow and stuff. I have some friends that are models you see. I used to model too. Gave it up. Cba with shallow crap.
Cba with people in general. As long as I have my best friend and boyfriend Im fine.
Some people just are so stupid Lol. I just dont see what the point is in making an effort??? Now and again its nice to see people and I might be social for a bit but I couldnt just always be like that.
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Old 01-22-11, 07:52 AM   #5
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sometimes when I'm feeling down and "strongly encouraged" to come to a barbecue with "friends" of varying closeness, I just feel lonely and circle the rooms/outdoors, feeling lonely, not wanting to connect or not wanting them to see how sad/depressed I am.. I tend to lean on particular people with whom I feel safe. If those people are engaged, I just wander from room to room, a shadow of conversations.. it's very tiring, lonely, and I'd really rather not be there..
I find myself to be well-liked (tho I'm not often sure why) but I find it very difficult to create meaningful realtionships. I'm too afraid of trusting, of connecting deeply.
Oh Strawbean, the biggest hugs I can possibly send you. I feel so similar its scary.

Pink, I can really relate to what you are saying as well. But honestly, I think that what you are feeling is perfectly ok. I think as you get older you realise the majority of relationships are very false and superficial, and its normal to have close friends and a bunch of "acquaintances" with whom you perhaps feel less comfortable. Especially in the drinking/clubbing scene. I don't feel close to the friends I go out partying with at all.

The important thing is that you evidently CAN form healthy, normal relationships. You have your close friends, and a fiance that you clearly love. Thats what matters. What you're saying is that you value the relationships that are true and genuine, and can't be bothered (or cba :-P ) with the shallow crap. Thats just a sign of maturity.
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Old 01-22-11, 12:13 PM   #6
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Thumbs up Maybe it's your friends...

PinkNY,

Perhaps you are just changing and now it's time to meet people with a different mentality.

I'd say you are just sick of hanging around with people who don't share the same interests as you anymore.

It's easy to make a bunch of friends when we are going out, clubbing and drinking. It's a lot harder when we decide not to go parting anymore.

We realize that most people we used to spend time with were a lot fun for a night out, but there isn't much in common beyond that.
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Old 01-22-11, 12:53 PM   #7
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Absolutely. I think you must be right because I remember after a night out with a friend in the morning feeling crappy and realising, I dont like this girl. I really just don't like her! But going out with her is fun, being drunk together is fun but sober is different I cant bear to talk to her. I have alot of 'friends' I never see sober. If I do....awkward... lol.

Im not sure if it is just that. Because last time I did this it was nothing to do with drinking. I just felt like it? lol.


Yeah perhaps maturity... I hope so! :)
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