I'm 22 years old and I've been single for two years. When I was in a relationship I struggled a lot and focused all of my time on it. Being single, I have gotten a lot more done. I'm about to graduate college with honors and go to graduate school. I traveled around Europe, wrote an honors thesis, etc; basically a lot to be proud of. Everything would be great it if wasn't for the fact that after two yeas of being single, I have started to become depressed about myself, particularly my looks. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I'm too ugly to date. I scrutinize everything - my nose, the hair on the nape of my neck, my weight, my under eye wrinkles, long toes, crooked upper lip, big ears, etc. I hate my voice and I listen to it over and over of my answering machine. I compare myself to others. Some days I think I look pretty and then immediately change my mind when I see someone better looking. I catch myself starting at people, envious of their beauty. I wish there was something that I could do to validate myself. I don't want to have to be in a relationship to feel that I am worth something but that's how it feels.

I just got dumped because I am not a stable partner for the future. Thought it would be a good idea to be honest from the start this time. Apparently not.

My point is: Lie. The only thing that matters is what you project yourself as. Even physical looks. It doesnt matter how you look - what matters is what your look says about how you think you look. Don't seek anything from others - only accept what is freely given, and make sure you also bring something to the table.

Ulfhir, I'm sorry you just got dumped. Never nice for anyone. While your advice seems good, I'm not sure why it only follows after the your advice to lie.

Never lie. Learn to love yourself for everything that you are and others will love you more. Sounds shitty I know, and not something that is easy to do. I know I haven't mastered it yet.
But you are young, and have achieved so much, so much to validate yourself by. Probably more than those people that you think might look better. In my opinion any relationship based on a need to validate yourself is bound to struggle.

I have similar worries and anxieties about my looks, my voice, how I compare to others. And while I've not figured out how to get over all that, I've somehow realised that I am more than all that. By the sound of it so are you. Focus on that stuff you've said is stuff to be proud off. I wish I had advice on all the other stuff, I don't, but keep focusing all doing all the good stuff.

Sorry, in all a fairly blunt and unhelpful reply. I guess I just needed to reply because its something I relate to...

Hi fashionistagurl222. Sorry you feel that way.

What Ulfir said about lying... I don't necessarily disagree. "Fake it 'til you make it" is sort of a mantra that can work for some people, and positive affirmations can help change how you think. I don't think you NEED to "lie", though. I also think you can achieve confidence in yourself in part knowing that looks don't really matter that much, and knowing that beauty is subjective.
I think I'm pretty ugly myself but I've been considered attractive by certain people, much to my confusion. Attractive just doesn't always mean approachable—I'm not very approachable at all. That's something I believe you can change discriminately, should there be someone in your life whom you're interested in, and even if the person you're interested in isn't interested back, you might be surprised anyway by someone else you didn't expect.

It's true, though. Relationships just can't give you self-worth, and you definitely won't find it comparing yourself to other people either. I've been in that boat, and I'm not sure how to help you stop doing that. I will say though that it's so much better, so much healthier to measure how far you've come by yourself, and to not think of life as a race or a competition.

@ Nightingale: Lie is perhaps not the best word. I mean to project yourself as something other than what you believe you are, because what you believe you are is not always true and can be scary to other people. If you tell them your flaws, and then give them a choice... they will run.

I think it depends on the attitude you project. If you can admit to flaws with dwelling on them with the idea of overcoming them people can see you as human and courageous. Image evaporates under close scrutiny and rather than set yourself up for the constant vigilance a false front requires be honest if your not ready to share. Rather say- when we know each other better I'll be ready to tell you. Not many people are willing to bear the burden of your darkness right away when they have their own burdens and insecurities to carry. This is a natural progression in any friendship. You'll know when it's time because they'll ask.