I'm a loser and a failure
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I'm a loser and a failure

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Old 02-13-11, 09:49 PM   #1
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Since I can't force myself to do my homework, I just decided to make a thread about how much of a loser and a failure I am. I'm 17 years old, I get okay grades in school, but not good enough to get into university of course, I don't have a girlfriend, never had one, have never kissed a girl. When i am not in school, I mostly stay home and browse forums and play video games.

I don't have any redeeming qualities and can be described as insecure, self-centered, whiny, shallow, pessimistic loser who will never achieve anything and is full of anxiety. Not to mention lazy. My parents think I'm a failure, my friends think I'm a complete dumbass. I don't have driver's license or even the want to drive.

I don't have any hobbies or anything to live for, I absolutely hate animals and don't want a pet at all. I can't even get up in the morning most of the time and am regularly late for class. In fact, if anything, I don't even want to be in class or in school, but I go anyway, in hope that something good would happen, that suddenly everything would be better. I hate most people around me yet try not to show it by being overly nice and trying to look humble.

My motivation is very low and my parents are a little delusional because they think I can get into a University or something like that. It's even sadder by the fact, that I am the only child and my parents are the only ones i could compare myself to. They are heavy overachievers, my dad was able to move us to Canada and work his way up and eventually buy a nice house which we currently live in. He's currently trying to create an international business. My mom was number one in an Optician program at college which allowed her to get a nice job. While I am a no one. I can't do anything right, I'm stupid. I try to escape real world by playing video games all the time, because at least I'm okay at it and it allows me to imagine that I am a much better person than I am. I don't believe that being a loser or a failure is just perspective, there's actually some criteria for it and I fit it perfectly.

There were a lot of things I tried to change, like trying to get a job or being pseudo-positive. I failed. I really can't be a hard-working person because that requires effort which I just can't be bothered to put in. I don't think anything will change in the near future, I will probably will become as much as dysfunctional adult as I am an irresponsible teenager. Probably unemployed, alcoholic and lazy.

I cry a lot, literally, even though I am a guy. My dad said "Stop crying!" or "You're like a girl!" to me before, but I can't. Every time he yells at me for being lazy or how I can't achieve anything, tears rush down my cheeks. I wish I could stop it. I wish I could. I get quite aggressive and angry when I talk to my friends, I try to assume a position of leader or know-it-all, but I fail at it due to my incompetence in the field as opposed to theory.

I really hate being alive, it's something that I thought about putting an end to for as long as I can remember. I think some particular people would be saddened by it though, but most would just say "I never knew him so who cares..." because such is the world we live in. Nobody cares.
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Old 02-13-11, 10:28 PM   #2
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Old 02-13-11, 10:28 PM   #3
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Oh dragon. When I see your name in chat I can't wait to get in there. I don't think people who don't know you would think "who cares". I think they would question what they could've done differently. As far as your future goes you are no fortune teller. You can't say what your future will be like. For all your know you could find some motivation to get better. It took me till now to find that motivation and I'm 31. I won't say that once you find it it will never go away though. It takes constant vigilance. I'm sending you all the love and hugs you can handle.
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Old 02-13-11, 11:09 PM   #4
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first of all, mate you're not a loser. i'm 20 and have never had a proper girlfriend...was seeing a girl this year and that was the first time. the fact i hadn't been seeing a girl before that point doesn't make me a loser. the fact i did doesn't suddenly mean i'm cool. i'm me. you're you. and you have to notice you can take control and mainly to stop comparing yourself to other people. you'd be a loser if you purposefully went round trying to act like someone that isn't you, breaking peoples hearts or something of the like, even though someone like that may get more attention at school acting like a dickhead. it may sound stupid but just being yourself is the way to get girls...of course you need patience as well. and you might think, well being myself hasn't got me anywhere up til now, you just need to change that little bit to become that much more confident bit by bit. confidence is key and sure i can't click my fingers and you'll suddenly have it...but you have to notice you're in control and can change little things. not change yourself but your attitude about yourself and your potential.

i've been through the same sort of stuff as you. i wasn't good with girls and i'm an also an only child with successful parents (my dad especially) which made me feel a lot of pressure on my shoulders. you'd think that would motivate me, but it doesn't does it, it gets you more down because you feel like you won't be as good as them? ok it's great that your parents have made it in their respective professions, if probably gives them some fulfillment if they enjoy what they do, they can be proud of what they've achieved and also because it means they can support you. therefore they have motivation. at this point you don't feel like working because you don't have any motivation, you feel a bit lost, not knowing what to go in to, and is if you won't be as good as them. all your thoughts are negative and as if you're not good just because of some comparisons you've made whilst you're at the age of 17.

of course you can set your sights high but at the same time don't be scared off by their achievements. no you might not become an international businessman or top grades at an opticians course...so what? that mean you can't achieve anything? of course not.

you're using volcabulary such as "i can't" and "i don't". That's where you're going wrong. you perceive yourself to not be able to do things whereas actually it's not your ability, it's your mindset.

I don't think anything will change in the near future, I will probably will become as much as dysfunctional adult as I am an irresponsible teenager. Probably unemployed, alcoholic and lazy.

first of all, no you probably won't. second of all i think just by you saying that, you probably don't think that will actually happen. that's just a vision that you can think about and feel sorry for yourself by convincing yourself you'll become that and evading facing life by yourself. at the same time if you don't take control of your life you will regret it, i know me saying this probably isn't going to make you suddenly snap out of it...you just need to notice things in a more positive light and that you're not trapped in a bad situation at all.

that may have sounded harsh but i guess you have got to start facing reality...which shouldn't be such a bad thing. anyone can feel insecure and self-centred in a time where they feel everything is against them. you claim you have nothing going for you...obviously i can't speculate on how good your grades are but your writing skills aren't bad for a start and despite not putting much effort in you're still in education, i'm guessing you're making it sound worse than it needs to be. of course there are parts of school we hate, but you have to find some sort of motivation, put effort in to prove it to yourself and your parents that you can achieve something. and you can despite what you think. it doesn't have to lead to the best job in the world...you quote your parents as 'over-achievers' well there aren't many of them in the world, it doesn't mean to say you can't be something. in fact you are someone right now.

your dad may seem harsh but i'm sure it's just his way of trying to motivate you because he wants what is best for you. you say you're not good at anything yet you are good at videogames, that's a hobby even though you say you have none. of course taking one up that's more sociable would also be useful for both your confidence and meeting people which i think would help you a great deal. you said no one cares soon after mentioning the word 'friends'. maybe if you looked at things in a slightly more positive light you could appreciate what you have got and can have rather than what you can't. of course there are many lines like 'the world is your oyster' which you may think are absolute bollocks...of course some doors aren't open to you, for example i don't think you're going to become a vet, but then again i don't think you'd want to ;) (haha hating pets, who cares mate!) and maybe it doesn't seem like you're round the corner from achieving great things right now. but you can do, and you can put effort in. for a start sort your sleep pattern out, sort your eating out if you don't eat well and exercise well...may sound ridiculous but little things like that can help change your mindset. secondly think about what you can do rather than can't...and you'll notice you have a lot more going for you than you might think. people care about you more than you may think...and ending it should not be on your mind. it will only cause pain to others and would be a selfish way out...if you sort yourself out you can benefit others and more importantly turn a corner to the point at which you're happy being here. i'm not saying it will be easy. but it will be worth it :)

just hit me back if you want something else.
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Old 02-14-11, 02:47 AM   #5
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You know, I kind of wonder if, at 17, I was the same person I am now, I would've had that motivation to do my homework and properly succeed. These days I go to work a lot. I'm 22 years old now, and I faced some of the same problems you seem to be facing. For one, I was painfully shy and very avoidant of people and that still plagues me to this day. I also procrastinated to the point where I barely graduated high school and didn't really move on to a college/university.

To be honest, I think a lot of amazing people get to where they are in life at my age just by showing up. A lot of it involves failure, but the drive to get motivated and keep trying is there, and with each failure they simply become better people. In my workplace I've met amazing people move on to bigger and better things, and I've met absolute idiots grow and mature into the young adults they are today, simply because they were confident and made all those stupid mistakes that I was too afraid to come forward and make for myself.

I only stopped being suicidal at the end of 2009, and it's because I opened up to someone and got hurt. I know that seems like it would have triggered the suicide, but in reality it kind of turned out to be the opposite. It made me want to be a better person so that I wouldn't fail my friends so badly. I wanted to make new friends so that I could prove myself to be better.

I know you must be really down on yourself right now, but if, even for me, it got better (even though I'm still a huuuuge loser), I can only hope it should get better as for you as soon as you allow yourself to try.
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Old 02-14-11, 04:03 AM   #6
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I just wanted to say that I can relate to everything you typed, it's almost as if it's been written by me. No motivation to go to uni, esp on days where I have alot of free periods, shit stresses me out to no end because I know I'll have no one to hang out with, which will make every passing minute seem like an hour.

Sometimes I just say fuck it and not bother go at all, because I wonder wth is the fucking point, I find nothing. I wonder why I have no one. I find no obvious reason. My lack of friends and loneliness drains eveyr ounce of desire I possess to take risks and do something with my life, my lack of accomplishments in general makes me extremely irritable and angry all the time. My parents and sister all have incredible social lives while I have no one. I am incredibly ashamed of my empty life; I have no interesting stories to tell my relatives or childhood friends when I see them, I feel like I'm nothing.
I have no obvious talents or hobbies either(except for maybe lifting with very bleak hope that that will lead me somewhere). I play alot of video games to take my mind off my fucked up reality, I find that alcohol helps too.

Maybe we'll find away out of this someday bro.
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Old 02-14-11, 05:41 AM   #7
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You Just Described Me (And I dont Drink atleast). Cheer Up, that why we are here, Im working my way through, you will to

Last edited by Ars89; 02-14-11 at 05:45 AM.
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Old 02-14-11, 02:43 PM   #8
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What you typed pretty much describes me too, except I can drive but whats the point if gas costs money that I dont make because I cant get a job? ugh I'm angry right now and stressed but I just wanted to say that your not alone. It's pretty obvious if you come to this forum.
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Old 02-14-11, 03:14 PM   #9
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I can relate you your post too, I'm a totally shut in and failure. I pour all my time into video games and internet. I can't get a job because of my lack of self esteem. I am dying in school, and I just don't have what it takes to get into where I want anymore. Today is Valentines day and I never cared so much about it in my life. I usually ignore it or forget about but now it just reminds me of how incredible alone I am.

I agree with everything tb129 said though. I know it's harsh to say but eventually, you're going to to have to take responsibility of yourself before it's too late. It's not easy when you can't stand up on your own, but you just have to believe in your abilities. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's so important and if you don't, you'll be living a life full of hurt.

It's okay to cry. You shouldn't be ashamed of what your going through. The worse thing you can do is keep it all in. Just let it all out and pick yourself up when you can.

And I'll second the thought that you do write pretty damn well, It was one of the first things I noticed reading your post.
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Old 02-14-11, 08:10 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by tb129 View Post
first of all, mate you're not a loser. i'm 20 and have never had a proper girlfriend...was seeing a girl this year and that was the first time. the fact i hadn't been seeing a girl before that point doesn't make me a loser. the fact i did doesn't suddenly mean i'm cool. i'm me. you're you. and you have to notice you can take control and mainly to stop comparing yourself to other people. you'd be a loser if you purposefully went round trying to act like someone that isn't you, breaking peoples hearts or something of the like, even though someone like that may get more attention at school acting like a dickhead. it may sound stupid but just being yourself is the way to get girls...of course you need patience as well. and you might think, well being myself hasn't got me anywhere up til now, you just need to change that little bit to become that much more confident bit by bit. confidence is key and sure i can't click my fingers and you'll suddenly have it...but you have to notice you're in control and can change little things. not change yourself but your attitude about yourself and your potential.
Problem is that I don't have control at all. I'm too much of a nobody to take control. There's nothing for a girl to like about me. As I said, I have no redeeming qualities about me. I'm too much of an underdog and failure to be taken seriously by any one. I know people say otherwise, but i disagree. That guy acting like a dickhead at least gets somewhere so it must be an effective method in a way, not saying I would do it, I don't have enough confidence for it... I hate Valentine's Day...
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