I think i'm having a breakdown omfg why am i such a big fucking fuck up
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I think i'm having a breakdown omfg why am i such a big fucking fuck up

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Old 03-28-12, 12:27 PM   #1
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Default I think i'm having a breakdown omfg why am i such a big fucking fuck up

I think i'm having a breakdown omfg why am i such a big fucking fuck up feel like tearing myself to shreds why cant i just pull myself up instead of down all the day hate myself so much hate being alone especially when its just me stuck in this fucking annoying stupid apartment with myself and all these crappy negative thoughts of myself, self do something right for once pull yourself out of this disaster that is me just once today tommorrow anyday
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Old 03-28-12, 12:37 PM   #2
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what exactly are you depressed about? Yourself? Being alone? Something in the past, present or future?
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Old 03-28-12, 09:05 PM   #3
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I'm depressed at myself more than anyone else I just am such a huge waste I always mess up everything in my life I hate what I am and have become it's been like that for really long time now. Got zilch self esteem and hate being this alone and feel like there's nothing in the world I can do about it but try and watch it turn wrong. I'm going to try now and if it messes up at least I know I am not going to be suprised at myself again saying that I don't know if I can do this anymore sorry took long to reply and thank you for taking the time to read my post any way my long rant is over

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Old 03-29-12, 11:42 AM   #4
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There are often times when I hate myself for being the way I am too. I have allowed my anxiety to cripple me after a bad experience three years ago. It has caused me to alienate myself from everyone, it took me almost 2 years before I had enough confidence to venture out of the house, life keeps throwing un-avoidable challenges my way where I have no choice but to sink or swim. I hate that in this life you have very little control over yourself, everything forces you to do things you don't want to do e.g. shop for food, work for money, fetch for love. This is a pre-fabricated world and I think we are sad because we are confused, life was never meant to be this complicated.

Evolution is a great thing don't get me wrong we are blessed in this era but it is just as much as a curse. And at the end of the day when you go to bed angry or upset with yourself, hating yourself and wanting to leave this world there is only one thing to do. Suck it up and sink or swim. Sometimes you just have to learn to accept what you have or push yourself harder to make changes. I am only 26 but I do not want to be afraid to leave my house, drive a car, fly in a plane or any other situation which makes me weak and vulnerable for the rest of my life. At some point I am going to have to push myself out the door and if death happens to meet me there (which is partially what I'm hiding from) I have to accept that I can't hide forever. And neither can you. It's tough to go every single day with love and praise for yourself but if you just take things one day at a time and try to forget the past and only look forward you will find some form of peace.

In short you need to find the things you hate about yourself and really look at them and find a way to fall in love with them because those things are like signatures. It is probably something visible, something you know people see and judge so it is up to you to find a way to make it stand out and send a message that it is something to be admired not banished. Like a Mole on your face, they are pretty un-sightly in general (I have one on each side of my left eye, use to hate them but because I knew they were never going anywhere I made them apart of me because they are.) but if you love it and flaunt it and make it apart of your signature then others will see it the same way.

We are all human and whether we admit it or not we all experience this self-loathing from time to time. The world puts too much pressure on people to be something they can never be, to have things they can never have, to essentially be perfect, healthy, wealthy, beautiful, handsome, with many lovers or just one good one. Thats why we are so depressed, no one will ever achieve that status of perfection, even the ones who seem to will in time feel the pain that all humans feel. Confusion.

If there was no rain you would never know just how beautiful the sun was. Keep your chin up and try to make small changes, changes are challenges and challenges are hard but you need to find something that motivates you to get out there and do it.

Loving yourself should be a passion and you can start by showing you love yourself by taking care of yourself. Something as simple as nourishing your skin with lotion after a shower shows that you are willing to fight for a positive future one that starts with you being comfortable in your own skin. Next to skin comes under garments, always wear some nice under garments even if no one ever sees them it is one way to feel sexy without being sexy. Instant confidence boost, for a man or a woman.

Take care of your skin people!!
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Old 03-29-12, 11:57 AM   #5
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Btw you are not a f_ck up you are doing the best you can, maybe you could try harder but that is up to you to determine if there is room for improvement. Now I'm sorry for the long posts ahaha!

As for love, don't waste your time searching it will come to you when the time is right. It took my bf being single for 8 years (with practically no female or male companions) before we found each other. He was feeling pretty hopeless but it happened eventually for him we're going on 4 years now.

Ugh okay one other tip :P i;m such a loser I know!! When you feel ugly just think about the French. In France sexiness is in your wits not your looks, even the ugly ducklings can be seductresses and men will leave their beautiful, rail-thin and pert wives for them. Just keep saying that yourself "ugly ducklings are just as spicy if they portray confidence and mystery." When I do not feel beautiful I just put on the mystery and pretend I am better than everyone else, even if I don't feel it. I put on the whole "I really dont give a sh_t if you like me or not." attitude. Hope these tips help?
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Old 03-29-12, 01:15 PM   #6
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Sorry I'm trying to take in what you've said but I can't yet everything's too much I'm thinking suicide is my only way out I made a post in suicide section if you want to read it
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Old 03-29-12, 05:31 PM   #7
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Sorry but I am not interested in reading anymore of your posts. It seems people have spent a lot of time feeding you on here, you are the only person who can make the change in your life and the kind of attention you get on here keeps you locked in, it has in a sense become an addiction. Good luck with everything I hope one day you can find a way to live with yourself peacefully. I do mean that.
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Old 03-29-12, 06:09 PM   #8
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That's okay I was just trying to point out as to why I couldn't take all that you said in yet and also that i made my suicide post before you started to reply to this post. I know it's all down to me to make a change and i'm sorry but I don't get the kind of attention that keeps me locked in people do there best to try and help as far as I know just as you have try'ed to help and I appreciate it. Thank you for wishing me good luck and such
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