Help. I Need To Get Myself Together.
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Help. I Need To Get Myself Together.

This is a discussion on Help. I Need To Get Myself Together. within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Hi Everyone. My name is JT. I came here looking for help so I can finally get my life together. ...

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Old 12-27-09, 09:24 PM   #1
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Unhappy Help. I Need To Get Myself Together.

Hi Everyone. My name is JT. I came here looking for help so I can finally get my life together. I've been depressed for a long time. I would say ever since the start of junior high and probably before then. I'm now 22. I need to get on with my life and get over this bullcrap depression that I've been plagued with. Alright...I'll start out just explaining my situation. I've always had a low self esteem. I always seemed to lose at everything in school and everyone picked on me. I just didn't fit in at school. I always hated school because of that. Now that I've dropped out my problems have really started in. In a way, it really wasn't my fault that I dropped out. My parents decided to move to Daytona Beach, Florida when I was 15 years old. I had to quit a job so I could move. I was supposed to get enrolled down there but Hurricane Charlie hit and we had to move back up north. Once I got up here my problems really started to take over and I never re enrolled. I've always felt like lesser of a human than other people because I come from a poor family and I never had cool clothes in school. People being people they shunned me from society and I quickly became a loner. I'm really shy and the cool kids intimidated me so I hung out with the kids that were trash. I was bitter at the "preppies" because they just treated me awful. They alienated me and girls that were pretty never had anything to do with me. Now I've become overly obsessed with my body image. To be exact, I hate my face in general. I hate the look of my skin. I used to have acne and its left some redness and I think I look like trash. I do not want to be trash. My definition of trash is someone who wears raggedy clothes and has imperfect skin with an ugly face. I'm also not that muscular (skinny to be honest) and I don't have a six pack which also bothers me, but not to the extent of my face. I have some stretch marks and that also makes me sad. I look in the mirror and I just feel ugly. I'm so shy that I have a hard time talking to anyone let alone girls. I don't have a job, a GED, a truck, a girlfriend, or my own place (I'm still living with my parents and they are both very negative.) Basically, I'm lonely but I can't do anything about it because I'm afraid to approach a girl. Its just too intimidating. I have no confidence. I haven't achieved anything this far in life and I don't think any girl would want me because of this and my looks. I think I have the stereotypical "trash" look. I'm never able to keep a job because I'm always tired. The way my mindset is, I just a loser because I don't look like a preppy. I actually have a really manly face and most preppie guys have girly faces. They all hang out at the mall and they all get pretty girls. So I think just because I don't have that "preppie" look that I'm nothing and never will get a girl thats pretty. Single girls in my area are scarce anyways. I also feel hopeless when it comes to acomplishing anything. I tried to get my GED but it was just a big failure because everyone who went to the place that teaches the GED curriculum just wasn't there to actually get the GED. They were just court ordered to be there and they didn't want to be so they were disruptive. I didn't learn anything because of that. The only thing holding me back is math. I'm on a second grade math level so the GED assessment test said. My family doesn't have the money to put me on the car insurance to let me drive so I've had my drivers permit for over two years (I had to go retake the permit test again.) It's like theres no getting anywhere. Just roadblocks in every direction. I don't have a job so I can save money to get my own truck. I can't move out until I get transportation of my own so I'm stuck with my parents. I need help accepting myself for who I am. Somebody help me.
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Old 12-27-09, 09:53 PM   #2
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I wish there was more I could say but I hope this helps:

Those preppies you think are better than you are aren't. A lot of them have the same fears and anxieties you do, some maybe even more. A lot of the people you see when you go out have some kind of doubt regarding their self worth.

As for the girlfriend thing, you don't need a pretty girlfriend to be a better person. Some of those pretty girls are horrible people that you wouldn't want to know. Beauty doesn't last for long, a good personality can last a lifetime.

Sorry if this advice sounds a bit cliched, but sometimes the cliches are right.
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Old 12-28-09, 12:13 AM   #3
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I can relate to some of the things you're going through.

I'm 19 and staying with my parents with no job or transportation atm. It really sucks but you just have to believe things will get better in the future.

I can also relate to the not having a gf or anything like that. I have pretty severe social anxiety so I can't exactly approach them either, or anyone else for that matter heh.

I just try to accomplish little things everyday to help me move forward in life and focus on the positive things.

Maybe you can try that too..

You're only 22, you've got practically your whole life ahead of you and things can only get better from there! :)

GL mate.
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Old 12-28-09, 01:49 PM   #4
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Hey JT,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time coping. I can relate to you because I too have suffered from low self-esteem my whole life and I've also always been a loner. I was painfully shy as a child and in many ways I still am. I'm 39 now so I've been where you are and then some so I can relate and hopefully my advice and insight will be helpful.

First, I just want to ask if you're in counselling and/or on anti-depressants? If not, I would strongly recommend that you seek both. My family doesn't understand what I'm going through either and they don't understand how debilitating depression can be. That's why you have to seek professional help from someone that understands the condition, what you're going through and can help you work through it. Also, disassociate yourself from people that are negative if you can because it will only serve to make you feel worse.

Second, I just want to say that you shouldn't try to be like the preppies, the people who picked on you and that you grew to despise. You have to be your own person and it's your personality that will set you apart - not the clothes you wear or trying to fit in with the preppies or other like people. You have to stop worrying about what other people think. It took me a long time to learn that. Your real friends will be accepting of you no matter what. I don't know if there's any medication for Social Anxiety Disorder (I have that too) but you might want to look into that as well.

Third, you shouldn't really be concerned at this stage with getting or having a girlfriend. Although it's nice to have someone you have to "fix" yourself and feel good about you first before you can have a healthy, stable relationship with anyone. And, when you are ready to find someone she doesn't have to be "pretty" (read: gorgeous). I realize we live in a superficial world but personality is important too. Pretty girls can be shallow and mean just like those preppies that treated you bad. Try to find someone that is going to like you for you and be compassionate and caring - not materialistic. You're too shy to approach girls and believe me, I understand this all too well. Well, maybe try striking up a conversation with someone online(?) Let them get to know you for you; your personality instead of "what do you look like?" blah, blah, blah. Don't go into it thinking "potential girlfriend" though because you'll just end up feeling down all the more if things don't work out that way. You might just make a good friend and then who knows? Maybe your feelings for each other will grow.

Fourth, if you live in a city of any appreciable size they must have public transit. I understand that you'd much rather have your own transportation but for now it may be what you have to do until you can save up some money to buy your own wheels. For now, get a job at a fast food restaurant if you have to, just so you can start saving some money for a down payment on a truck or whatever. I'm impatient when it comes to things like that too. I expect everything to happen overnight but the reality is that things just don't happen that fast. If you're patient, persist and work at it it WILL happen.

Fifth, don't let those court-ordered people dissuade you from getting your GED. Also, the teacher should ask them to leave if they're being that disruptive in the first place. You'll feel so good about yourself knowing that you accomplished what you set out to do. These days, you need a high-school diploma or GED to apply for most jobs anyway so you may not have a choice but to get it. Get 'r done!

I hope my advice and insight has helped a little bit. I'm no Anne Landers - just someone that can relate to how you feel and to let you know that you don't have to go through this alone; there is help!

Good luck...
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Old 12-28-09, 07:53 PM   #5
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Thanks guys.
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Old 12-29-09, 03:14 AM   #6
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first of all indianajones guy, screw everyone else.you can only live up to your own standards, those are the only ones that matter. you cant and arent going to make everyone you meet in life happy with the way you are. they only hold you up to their standards. also no one is better than anyone else...we are all equal and deserve the same right to happiness in whatever form it is in. just be yourself and accept yourself...realize that you are no different than those preps or anybody else, rise up into yourself. take things one day at a time....you have to focus on you. try to go back to classes..and get that ged...i also suck at math but i still made it through. you'll be alright, getting that completed will also help you build confidence and make you realize what you are capable of. you can do it, and it all starts with that ged. you cant do too much at a time, only do what you can. all you have to do is take that first step.
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