Originally Posted by nara
... as i know how horrible it is! It's like you are going mad but you arent at the same time, I feel as though nothing makes any sense and everything i wanted and was passionate about have been a knock on from something else that has happened. i question whether it was a real drive from something true to myself or if it was just a product of trauma,
do i concentrate on art so much because i feel let down and rejected by other people and therefore would rather spend time alone being creative than connect to other people?
I have the same question. I do want to spend time with people and connect with people. But each person has a different way of pthe world and emphasizes what interests him/her the most. So, spending time with people who are interested in things i'm not is boring and frustrating. It's frustrating because i want the interaction with the person, but it's not going to be interesteing interaction. And when you compare the way you can lose yourself in your art to the frustrations of interacting with people on topics you don't care about, then it makes perfect sense that you'd prefer your art.
You talked about questioning the real drive that propelled you toward art in the past. I question that too with my decisions. I look back at what i wanted then, and i have it now. But it's like mirage; the water doesn't quench my thirst. I thought
it would, but now that i have it, it's not something i can derive contentment from for the rest of my life. What i thought would generate a deep long-lasting peace was just a destination that had an initial thrill that faded over time.
You said "Maybe we just think too much hey?!".
That's true for me, especially in the past. But now, these feelings of being without support and lost in a maze is very very physical. It's not just mental confusion. My tendency to overanalyze is what got me here.
I don't want to be where i am. I want something else. But not just a different location, like quitting everything and becoming a scuba instructor in Belize. Right now if i did that, i'd still bring my confused mind, which wouldn't let me enjoy the change of location.
Intellectually, i know that my only option is to accept where i'm at, because i cannot change the past. But emotionally, my psyche is messing with my body, making me easily distracted and sluggish.
But i'm having a hard time acting on my intellectual knowledge. I'm pretty apathetic to whatever the future holds, because i've tried so many ways to craft an outcome in the past, and each time, the outcome is only partially realized, which demotivates me.
You said "do i concentrate on art so much because i feel let down and rejected by other people and therefore would rather spend time alone being creative than connect to other people?"
I'm struggling with the same question:
Do i lack drive because i feel let down and rejected by other people and therefore would rather spend time alone.
And in truth, i don't even need an answer to that question. I just wanna get my groove back. I'm turning into a personality that i don't like.
Here's an interesting documentary on a solitary artistic genius: