Depression as a coping mechanism
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Depression as a coping mechanism

This is a discussion on Depression as a coping mechanism within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; Alright. I realize that I'm supposed to be on my TTL vacation, but a huge thought just hit me tonight. ...

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Old 04-03-11, 03:38 AM   #1
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Default Depression as a coping mechanism

Alright.

I realize that I'm supposed to be on my TTL vacation, but a huge thought just hit me tonight. Everything makes sense now.

I just realized that I'm afraid of happiness or rather, losing this depression. Why? Because I'm afraid of facing reality, particularly the issue of trying to get my foot in the door of what us adults call "the real world" with such horrible prospects weighing against me. I had known this before, but somehow the issue was so... traumatic... that it managed to slip into my subconscious for 2+ years.

It seems I am destined to face some horrible event. I won't let myself commit suicide, because it goes against my beliefs and because according to those beliefs I'd be condemning myself to eternal suffering. However, if I live, I will likely have to endure years of homelessness, struggling to find work, and possibly the challenges of even basic survival. Short of slipping into a coma for the rest of my working life, depression seems to be, surprisingly, the least painful option and has effectively become a coping mechanism.

So I am stuck, frustrated... and it really bothers me. I feel like such a horrible person because I allow this to continue... because part of me is sabotaging my recovery as I speak. This certainly explains the violent thoughts.

I'm trying to think this through, but the more I think, the more I stress, the more I panic.

Sorry if I'm kind of exploding.

Anyway... thoughts? Advice?
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Old 04-03-11, 05:15 AM   #2
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However, if I live, I will likely have to endure years of homelessness, struggling to find work, and possibly the challenges of even basic survival. Short of slipping into a coma for the rest of my working life, depression seems to be, surprisingly, the least painful option and has effectively become a coping mechanism.
Hi there
would you mind elaborating more on this paragraph so I can understand things better? :) why would you face homelessness?
Hope you feel better
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Old 04-03-11, 05:15 AM   #3
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DRAG! Hey bud. You know you bring up a really interesting point that I have never even considered before. I wrote a thread/poem about why are we afraid of happiness and that one never even once entered my mind. I can definitely see how that could happen though. I can straddle the fence on this one. On one hand I would ask why anyone would want to keep the depression. That knowing once it's gone that things will clear up and you can tackle your life's problems. But on the other hand, knowing all the horrible things that can go wrong in life why would anyone want to face them? Even though there's a slim chance of any of those horrific things happening, but still, they could happen. maybe kind of like holding on to your training wheels. They hold you back from really riding to your full potential but your scared that if you take them off you won't be able to manage things at all after that. So you hold on to them and stay stuck like that. I would say you have stumbled across a real epiphany there. I wish you well in figuring it out.
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Old 04-03-11, 12:51 PM   #4
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Hi there
would you mind elaborating more on this paragraph so I can understand things better? :) why would you face homelessness?
Hope you feel better
Just the lack of job prospects (even if I manage to get a degree), lack of decent social skills necessary to obtain a job and parents who, if they new that I wasn't giving my all towards recovery, might kick me out of the house.
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Old 04-03-11, 12:56 PM   #5
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Of course I also forgot to mention that I fear happiness by itself, just because it often leads to overconfidence and many other vices, turning people into the very thing I fear becoming: mindless, selfish, sheep of society and consumerism.

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Old 04-03-11, 01:18 PM   #6
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Argh now I'm just whining. I don't deserve any of this. I deserve suffering and my evading it is only multiplying the suffering I deserve. I don't even deserve my humanity anymore. I'm surprised that I haven't been shot, yet.
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Old 04-03-11, 01:37 PM   #7
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Argh now I'm just whining. I don't deserve any of this. I deserve suffering and my evading it is only multiplying the suffering I deserve. I don't even deserve my humanity anymore. I'm surprised that I haven't been shot, yet.
Pfft. You don't deserve suffering. That's the depression talking to you and you should know that. Recognize it for the voice that's really talking to you. I often feel the same way. My problem is that I feel that I'm completely evil and deserve to die. It's only recently that I've realized that these ideas have no basis to them. And your ideas have no basis either. Why do you deserve suffering? Why don't you deserve happiness? I say before you strive to be happy, strive to be content. Content but not accepting. I know it sounds like an oxymoron but by not accepting I mean not accepting the state of the world. Be content with your own world but always strive to be better. And your not whining. These are all valid fears and worries that need to be sorted out and if we can do ANYTHING at all to help out then HOORAY! We're here for you man.
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Old 04-03-11, 03:02 PM   #8
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Hey, i know exactly what you mean. It's always easier to sit in your sorrow that try everyday to make yourself feel better and face the world. I think i am in the same situation. My boyfriend has bipolar disorder, and he manages to cope alot better with his moods than i do it seems. I have clinical depression, and i usually spend most of my time isolating myself and feeling sorry for myself when depressed, also i am a terrible actor and look unhappy alot of the time, for me even trying to look happy is tiring, but he spends his time distracting himself doing graphics work and writing and puts on a smile even when he feels terrible inside.

I have relaised that might be the key. Pretend. The more you pretend the more you forget about your situation,the more you are distracted and that can help you actually feel more motivated.

I'm not saying that is easy, it sounds painful to me, but i'm trying to do that now
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Old 04-03-11, 03:29 PM   #9
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Well, the truth is, it is usually intelligent people that are the ones suffering from the dreaded D word. That means you most likely are handicapping yourself by thinking too much, and could in fact be capable of things far beyond your ability to realize. Some of us(me) gave up and found a warm place in the dirt (ie, just getting by and avoiding ppl/life) while others fight against that conclusion.

Suicide is never an answer, if only because it gives the rest of us reason to keep fighting ;) .

"Of course I also forgot to mention that I fear happiness by itself, just because it often leads to overconfidence and many other vices, turning people into the very thing I fear becoming: mindless, selfish, sheep of society and consumerism."

See? What dumb person would ever even conceive of this? You are intelligent and brave. If you want to, you can achieve many things you could want to... and your humble, intelligent nature would prevent you from falling victim to the trappings of the ego-driven consumerist culture we are all encased within.

Hold your head high, we are wishing you the best... well, I am at least :p
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Old 04-03-11, 03:30 PM   #10
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Being happy is a choice. I think you are confused about the essense of happiness user Dragnerok X. I want to share with you the cure to my depression. I couldnt leave you guys behind and this community was very supportive to me in the past so I am simply making a visit to check on our progress. I think if you form positive ideas and theories for yourself..you might come up with a solution to your struggles. I found that no matter what kind of storm the world stirs up in all fields of life..work..economics..love..family..etc. etc. etc.. as long as you find something you want to do or found something you enjoy..aslong as you stay ambitous and determined..you will find the tools you need to become successful. And you will have to be prepared for happiness when you achieve the success. But its happiness itself that you arent completely grasping. Theres all forms of it. All kinds and situational kinds of happy. I think you just havent picked the one deserving happy out yet. When it comes to you. Dont fear it. Hop in its car and go for the ride. See where it takes you. Afterall, your already facing depression..the happiness you find cannot and will not bring more darkness than there already is. I know this sounds silly a bit..but try and heed these words. Its very serious and important that focus on your inner faith..your inner strengths..your pros..you have to treat your depression as a myth..a darkness come true that you are capable of fighting. your a viking dragnerok..you were destined alongside the rest of us to fight the darkness and take on whatever life has to throw at you..you just dont realize it yet..but i have a feeling you will..very soon..because things always change..you in this deck life deals out to you..there will always be some "goods" with the "bads" in the mix. Its upto to play it right..and everyone is able to become a winner. ;)
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