can a person live without friends?
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can a person live without friends?

This is a discussion on can a person live without friends? within the Depression forums, part of the Depression Forums category; hi everybody. i need your help. I want to know if it's possible for a human being to live, to ...

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Old 08-01-10, 02:08 PM   #1
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Default can a person live without friends?

hi everybody. i need your help.

I want to know if it's possible for a human being to live, to thrive, without the support of friends.

I'm asking because my in my certain life situation, it is "politically unpopular" to be friends with me, so although people tell me I'm such a nice person, no one ever wants to be seen with me. No one calls, no one does anything socially with me.

i am depressed not because of some cognitive fault on my part, but because the people around me are too ignorant and too scared to be my friend. I am one of the nicest, most compassionate people you'll ever meet. I am loyal and honest and I try to do right. I listen and try to take myself out of other people's equations, in other words, I try not to make everything all about me. I try not to personalize because I think it makes me a better listener, a better friend. People walk away from me because I am genuine and I truly care. I think people are incredulous that someone so nice exists, because they instantly assume I'm trying to manipulate them, and they get angry with me. I am upfront. I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm sorry I'm a real person, but I don't know any other way to be. It's too bad that most people can't handle genuineness, can't handle a real human being. I know I'm not a bad person. I am not suffering from low self-esteem. The ostracization I feel is real. My depression comes from other people rejecting me.

Does anyone know if it's possible for a human being to live:
  • without a cheerleader?
  • without someone to bounce ideas off of?
  • without someone's shoulder to cry on when the going gets rough?
  • without someone to confide their hopes and dreams in?
  • without someone to go to the movies with, or go out for coffee with?
  • without someone to laugh with?
  • without someone they can share the days events with?
I don't have anyone like this. I have one friend. One. Other than that, I have no one. This one friend has many problems, like I do. It is unfair to expect her to be my everything. I literally speak to no one else. I trust no one else. I have no mother and no father. I have no siblings, no aunts, no uncles. I have no grandparents. I have no college friends. I have no work buddies. I have no girlfriends I go to the gym with. I have no hairdresser to gossip with. I have no one.

I want to live. I want to live and I want to know if anyone before me has had the severely limiting handicaps that I have and managed to thrive.
Somebody suggested finding role models in books, and doing on-line chats. I could do this. It's not the same as in-person contact, as I'd miss the in-the-moment non-verbal communications, but, at this point, I'm not picky. If anyone has any other ideas, please post them here.

Thank You.

-Hootspa
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Old 08-01-10, 02:56 PM   #2
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I am facing the same situation. No one wants to be seen with me. I drive a 10 year old car that is barely holding together maybe that is the reason?

I recently was unemployed for 5 months but found a temp job that pays far less than what I made previously. I have never gone out to a bar, nightclub or any of the places people in their 20's go. I am 35 now and have never learned to make friends but feel that no one wants to assoicate with me and that people for the most part are shallow, snobby & rude
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Old 08-01-10, 03:00 PM   #3
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I have no friends, and I'm still alive. I feel everything you've said, except I live with my parents, but I'm not that close to them. There's nobody else I know, not even acquaintances, and I don't go to school or work. So I'm pretty lonely all the time. I certainly don't have a cheerleader, somebody to confide in, etc.

I was going to say you should go on TTL Chat, but you said on-line isn't enough which I understand. Unfortunately your situation is difficult because of your medical condition. How often are you able to leave the house? Maybe you could see if there are activities at your local library, or anyplace where you could be indoors and have access to a bathroom, if that works for you.
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Old 08-01-10, 03:02 PM   #4
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Hi,
It's wonderful that you are very determined to find a solution to your problem. Even if it's a way out. About having friends, you can never try enough. Each person is different and you can always try to make friends from different occasions. (This is optimist part in me, which I don't use for myself because it is not valid to me.)
I have two friends (10 hours bus ride away) and I can't bore them with my problems, fearing I'll push them away. I call my parents (16 hours bus ride away) every day about 10 times because I have noone in this city to talk to. I have no friends. Some people manage to talk to me but I don't share their narrowminded views. So I can't be friends with them. This is my only request from people. Being open minded. So I can't have friends. But is it possible to live without one? I've lived for one year. It is miserable. For example this weekend I've watched 4 seasons of a popular TV series and cried like a baby. Normally I would like to go out with a friend and have coffee for 15 minutes and that would be more than enough to make me happy for a week. But I don't have friends...

Sorry, I tend to talk a lot, because I have no friends :D It is physically possible but emotionally it takes a huge toll on you.
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Old 08-01-10, 03:21 PM   #5
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yes you will survive!!

just keep being you and do what you enjoy.
make the best of what you got, be optimistic.
keep your hopes up

i have no friends either (i haven't had any for 4 years now) but i'm okay with it because, morally speaking, i'm doing what's right for me and i'm staying out of trouble.

go to movies or concerts by yourself, who cares!
if your a good person like you say you are just keep being that person! thrive off it!
but be careful not to become stuck up..
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Old 08-01-10, 03:45 PM   #6
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It sucks because people seem to be doing so well, buying things, hanging out even in this supposed bad economy. I have no friends, got a temp job with no benefits and have to keep spending money on car repairs.
At the end of the week -- the last thing I want to do is attempt to socialize or goto a concert or bar where I am not wanted because I cannot fit in with the expensive clothing or car.
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Old 08-01-10, 03:53 PM   #7
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sure
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Old 08-01-10, 04:32 PM   #8
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well i am still here and realize that it can even happen in family members- . but i guess if we are depressed and down or i actually don't want to see anyone but then i think hey wait - i am down because i haven't seen friends in a while. so its is a hard thing to rationalize . if that's right word lol. so i would have to say depending on how your life is and if your able to survive without friends. some people actually do live without friends and are happy- so i guess it depends on our situations. sorry if i make no sense- down today .
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Old 08-01-10, 05:11 PM   #9
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You have one more friend than I have. But obviously you can survive like that, but the quality of your life without friends or anyone close to you...is not too good. Of course there are loners out there who prefer it that way, but in most cases people are social creatures who need some sort of contact with other people.

My problem is that I have a hard time maintaining friendships. When my depression began, I isolated myself the best I could. I stopped seeing my friends. And over the time I grew into a...person with different values and interests than my old friends or most people for that matter. So I don't miss them anymore either. But I get the human contact I need through online these days, just from chats and forums. I generally have one or two people who I talk about more personal matters. But over the time they seem to go away as well...it doesn't make me sad anymore. People come and go be it online or in real life. I expect them to do that and maybe that'll evolve into me becoming the loner I mentioned, or maybe things will change and I'll be...normal. Time will tell.
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Old 08-01-10, 05:49 PM   #10
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I want to know if it's possible for a human being to live, to thrive, without the support of friends.

No

It took a mom to create you.
It took someone to raise you and teach you.

Humans are born with nothing and they die with nothing except the spirit. It's not possible to even live let alone thrive without other people. It takes a village to raise a child. People learn from watching other people and seeing other things.

Your food, your clothes, your internet are all made possible from other people. There is no way you could have things like these alone, it could take thousands of years for you to figure things out on your own and thats if you never died.

Also whats the point of thriving if you have no one to share it with? You could gain the whole world and lose your own soul. Is it really worth it to just live alone?

It's impossible to live without friends. Believe me I used to think I had no friends but really I did. Darkness my old friend...

People who are isolated have ways of making friends, they can look to God for a friend or they turn to animals or they do things to try and get attention. Dog is supposed to be mans best friend so maybe if you need a friend try an animal because they don't talk back or worry as much as humans.

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