I feel similar to this. It's like quicksand. The more I struggle, the further I sink. I always feel like I'm being pulled down. But, in a way, I don't want to get out in case I'm knocked back again.
I think the further up someone goes, the bigger the rocks they use to knock you down. At least if I stay down, I'm already on the ground. They still throw rocks, but at least I miss the fall.