Those moments when the clouds lift

[Zadatz]

So, I'm at work today, I'm tired from my insomnia, and not being terribly productive. Things are getting done, but not at the pace that I like, nor with any particular energy going into working on the tasks.

I take a break, and do a little mental inventory. It's been nearly two weeks since I've been on the Remeron, and I haven't felt any noticeable effect yet. That seems to drive me even further into the dumps and sadness. By lunchtime, I'm ready to ask the boss if I can take the rest of the day off. Instead, I decide to take a little drive.

As I'm exiting the parking lot, the song "A Long December" from Counting Crowes comes on the radio. The lyrics are so sad. I burst into tears as I'm driving, and the mood darkens further. I tell you this because, two weeks ago Thursday, I was in about the same state of mind, and was seconds away from driving myself into oblivion. Today, I wasn't. I was just sad.

After I return to work, I notice that for some strange reason my mood seems a bit elevated. Consequently, I'm able to focus more on what's in front of me, and plow through it with a bit more vigor and attention. Nice. I've got a browser window open on Facebook, and all of a sudden a chat request opens in the window. It's an old flame from 10 or 12 years back; we occasionally chat (maybe once every six months just to catch up). We caught up on highlights very quickly, then I had to get back to work. It was nice. Mood: still a bit elevated.

I plug in the headphones and dial up pandora on the browser. One of my mellow mixes is Thievery Connection, and it was the perfect choice. Toward the end of the work day I had gone from sad, frustrated, and depressed to feeling almost normal. It was like the clouds had lifted for a bit.

That's what it's like to feel normal? Man, that was sweet. It didn't last all that long (I had an appt. with my shrink right after work and I'm a bit dumpy / grumpy again), but it was fun while it lasted.

The good news is: at least I have an idea of what I'm looking for now, and that I can get there for at least a short period of time.

[Piplup]

Sometimes letting it all out gives us a second wind. And makes everything come into perspective aftward. I glad you had that moment. ((((hug))) :)

[Today]

Really glad you found that place Zadatz. Maybe it was just the release, letting everything out and finally having a bit of peace inside. What ever it was hope you find it again soon :)

Be safe